Or whatever.
I can’t help but snort, amused despite myself.
“Goodnight. Don’t fuck it up,” I chide and hang up before he can say anything else.
I down the rest of my vodka, letting the heat build in my chest, and set the glass on my desk. The bath and sleep I’d recommended to Janella doesn’t sound too bad right now. Maybe I’ll jerk off too. Take a load off, pun intended.
Right now, I could use anything to quiet my mind.
Or else, I’m actually going to have to sit with what I’ve done, what I’mdoing.I’ll have to wrestle with why, exactly, I’ve gone through such lengths to protect this woman. Sure, I’velearned things about her. She’s been through tough shit. She isn’t the only one I’ve come across who has, though.
Maybe I really am running on fumes, and it’s finally run me fucking stupid.
Turning the lights off behind me, I continue to my bedroom. Shedding clothes as I go. I leave them in a pile, unbothered, knowing Oksana will have one of her girls take care of it in the morning. All of my help is compensated above and beyond. In return, they’re trained to handle my brand of chaos.
I forgo a bath to stand beneath the scalding hot shower, letting my night wash off of me in sudsy rivulets. I stand under it until the water goes tepid. My fatigue is bone deep.
It’s not just the exhaustion from dealing with the Zakharov rat. The Yuris have had a busy couple of years in general.
When I finally crawl between the covers, there’s no fighting my thoughts.
I’ve brought a profoundly traumatized young woman into my apartment. After I bought her. I even stabbed the moron who would have almost certainly maimed her. Put her in my car and called the family lawyer to get a marriage license and prenup, to start with. I stitched her up myself, instead of letting Ivan or someone else handle it. Sooner rather than later, I’m going to have to explain why the hell I’ve done this to my family.
Why?She isn’t the first damsel in distress I’ve come across. I’ve never been one for heroics. If anything, I’m the shit-eating sidekick. Anyone who knows me would agree. And they all know, as I do, that there is more darkness than light in my world. Janella Driscoll will be better off, but by how much?
She’d asked me so plainly:Are you nuts?
It’s a fair question.
Maybe I am.
Because when I close my eyes, all I can see is her leonine eyes ablaze and glaring at me. Her soft mouth puckered into a petulant pout. Her voice, hoarse and defiant, fighting me. And it makes the corners of my own mouth fight to turn up.
I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’ll see that version of her again. No matter how much I have to push at that meek exterior of hers before it finally gives again. What’s underneath it all is so much more fascinating.
It’s a good thing that being a monster is an occupational hazard I’ve long since made peace with.
Chapter 4 - Janella
The syncopated rap of knuckles against the door jars me awake. I feel as though I’ve barely slept. I’m confused because Dad never bothers knocking. Who else could it be?
Then I remember that it could be any number of scary suspects.
“Miss Driscoll?” It’s a woman at the door. Her voice is thickly accented, though I can’t immediately figure out the origins. It’s a game I play at the Pit. Usually, I’m better at it. “It’s time for breakfast. Sir said you must eat something.”
“I’m not hungry,” I rasp out, my voice hoarse from crying and sleep.
There’s a pause. Did she leave?
“Sirinsists,” the woman says firmly, her tone brooking no arguments. “I will come get you myself in ten minutes if I have to.”
My head drops in resignation. I don’t even want to know what that would entail.
“I will wait, Miss Driscoll,” she says.
Undeniably, she means it. I can tell that she will follow whatever orders Yuri has given her. She will wait by the door until she has to barge in and drag me kicking and screaming if she needs to. The last thing I need is to make a scene. I already lost my cool last night. Whatever punishment my disobedience will incite, I’ve got a sinking feeling it will make my father’s version look like child’s play.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” I finally choke out.
