We’ve been here so many times before. I’m stupid for doubting the signs. By now, I know it’s no use to put up a fight. I just ask, “What kind of help is that, Dad?”
He looks stung. “When did you get so fucking uppity?” he snaps, scowling at me. “I’m in trouble. Forgive me for thinking my daughter—my only fucking family in the world—would give a shit about that.”
Jekyll and Hyde. This is how it goes.
I say nothing. We both know he doesn’t need me to.
He barrels on all by himself. “Look, Nellie—I’m in deep shit, honey. I owe money to some horrible people. The kind that doesn’t take no for an answer, okay? They’re going to hurt me. They’ll hurt me if I don’t pay up. You don’t want that for your Pop, do you?”
A needling ache pings at my temples. “How much?”
He leans in, as if to tell me a secret. “Too much, honey. Forget that. I’ve been thinking… You’re married to a Yuri now. It didn’t happen in an ideal way, sure, but he likes you. You came to the Pit with him, I heard.”
I feel sick.
“You know things about all of them, don’t you? You’ve always been so good with people. Irresistible. They open up to you, just like they did with your mom.”
No.
No, no, no, no—
This once, the word comes out of my mouth, “No.”
His jaw locks, his face reddening worse. “Will you just listen?” he demands.
“No,” I repeat, colder this time. “I’m not giving you information on my husband and his family. He is a good man. They are good people. I won’t—I wouldneverscrew them over. Least of all for you.”
I shove away from the bench and walk away before he can say another word, or before he can smack me for running my mouth.
I should’ve known he would follow after.
I hear him coming before he shoves back into the café behind me. “I’m not asking you to betray anyone! I just need some fucking information. It’s power, in this town. There’s good money for it. More than enough for us to both get out of here. To start over. Just you and me, Nellie, like it used to be before—”
“Before yousoldme, you mean?” I shriek, my pulse loud enough to feel in my throat.
He stares at me, like he doesn’t recognize me.
“I made a mistake.”
I smile, hollow and cold. “You’ve made more than one, Dad. But I won’t. Please leave. There’s nothing you can do to talk me into this. I will never turn my back on them. They’re my family now.”
His expression hardens. His laugh is a malicious sound. It chills me to the core. “They’re killers, Janella. They sell drugs and rape people. Kill them. You can’t be so blind. Jesus, can you? You’re a fucking toy to them. He bought you from me. Wake up.I’mthe only family you’ve got.”
His words are built to maim. I know it. The knowledge isn’t a strong enough barrier. It doesn’t prevent them from lashing at me. Because this is my father, this is the only family I’ve known for most of my life. He knows exactly what fear to excavate and hold up to the light.
Yet he’s also missed everything I’ve discovered over the past few months.
Like how I’m stronger than any fear I harbor, I’m more stubborn than my insecurities. I’m not interested in obedience. And I am anything but weak.
“Get out,” I say calmly.
He says my name again. I don’t want it in his mouth. He makes it sound dirty. Everything he touches begins to rot. He can’t do it to me anymore, not ever again.
“Did I stutter? I said get out. You have the next thirty seconds before I show you what my new family of killers has taught me, Dad. Go. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Ugly anger contorts his features. This is how I recognize him best. His most familiar face to me. “You’ll regret this,” he snarls.
“I regret a lot of things. But refusing to let you ever take anything more from me won’t be one of them.”
