“And no one did.”
No smirk. No laugh. No trickster’s grin. Alex’s bravado faded away, leaving behind nothing but true and naked horror. “Sarang... I...”
It was okay that he was speechless. Not even someone with a history like his could be expected to know what to say in the face of such evil.
“Even with all that fucking face paint on, I knew it was my father doing those things to me, but when I tried telling Omma, she didn’t believe me,” I croaked. “She thought I was just a little kid having nightmares, and it didn’t help that every time I turned to Sue and begged her to tell Omma that the clown was real, she’d lie.”
“She’d lie!?”
My lips twisted. “Oh, yes. You see, Appa was only doing it to me, not her. I got to deal with the monster every night, and Sue got the saint every day. Our father would shower her in treats, presents, candy, pets—anythingshe wanted. And all Sue had to do was keep telling the world I was a liar. That no one was coming into our room at night, and I was making it all up for attention.”
I made a noise under my breath. “I know what you’re thinking. She was a young, impressionable child being groomed by a predator. By her own father. She didn’t know any better. All the fault lay with Appa, not her.” I inclined my head. “And sure, I guess I can say that’s true.
“But that wasn’t what Omma thought when she woke in the middle of the night and found my father’s side of the bed empty, and me missing from mine. She panicked,” I confessed. “She searched the whole manor for me but I was gone. Then, she woke up Sue and ordered her to tell her what happened. Where did I go?
“Scared, Sue finally admitted that everything I said was true. Our disgusting, vile, pedophilic father was dressing as a clown, taking me from my bed at night, and dragging me to a room hidden in the walls.
“And just like that, Omma got a rolling pin from the kitchen, burst into the room, found him on top of me, and cracked my father over the head—killing him.”
“Killing?” he rasped.
“Killing. She didn’t slow down. She didn’t ask for explanations. She didn’t hesitate. She killed her husband, dragged his body outside, and threw it off the cliff.”
Alex’s head snapped around, staring at the walls that hid the cliffs as if he could see through them to that very scene all those years ago.
“As much as I’ve come to despise my mother over the many years,” I continued, pulling the words through a strangled throat. “As much as I’ve cried, cursed her, and wished she’d change everything about herself, I’ve never been fully able to hate her, because all I could remember is that when faced with the truth—she chose me.
“She protected me, and made sure that he’d never hurt me again,” I said. “But while our relationship was able to stay together with a frayed thread, her relationship with Sue never recovered. She couldn’t forgive Sue for lying to her face all so she could receive a few toys and lollipops. Omma looked at her differently from that day on, and Suehatedit. Of course shefucking did,” I spat. “There’s nothing a malicious narcissist hates more than someone who sees right through their bullshit.
“But because of the narcissist part I mentioned, it wasn’t Sue’s fault, and it wasn’t even Appa’s fault,” I cried. “It was mine.”
“Yours?” Outrage stole across his face. “How the fuck was it your fault?”
“Don’t ask me, Alex. I shared a womb with that bitch, and still no one on this planet understands her less than me. She was awful to me! She would constantly throw the sexual abuse in my face and say nasty, disgusting things like that I liked it or I wanted it.”
Alex’s jaw straight dropped.
“I’d tell Omma, and Omma would punish her, but that just fueled Sue’s fire and made her more resentful of me. The parent who favored her was gone, and now she was stuck with the parent who favored me—and that was just unacceptable.
“By middle school, she was running around calling me Appa-fucker.”
“What the hell?!”
I just gave him asee? I hated her long before you didlook. “She always waited until the teachers turned their backs to say it, and when I flipped out on her, she’d feign innocence—knowing I was never going to explain what she said, or what it meant. But that didn’t stop my friends and classmates from hearing that nickname.
“At first, they thought Sue was talking about Appa, that flying bison from the anime. They figured I just really liked that show, but then we got to eighth grade, everyone got cellphones, and they found out Appa has another meaning in Korean—Dad.
“The first time a kid asked me if it was true I fucked my father, I marched straight up to Sue and punched her in the face.” I smiled grimly thinking of how hard she went down—screaming and wailing. “We got into a fight—which Sue lost—and Omma stopped questioning if we needed to be sent to different schools.
“Iwent to Titan Prep,” I said, shocking him, “and Sue went to the local high school.Iam the one who approached you that day in the auditorium, made that crack about Micah’s fly being down, and scored a date with you three.”
“Holy shit.” His goggle-eyed surprise would’ve been funny, if there was anything about this story that was funny. “Are you serious?”
“As a heart attack. It wasmeyou guys felt a spark with,” I said, “but that day, Sue sabotaged the stage with our face on the video cameras, and framed me. The principal didn’t believe it was her. And after Sue’s tutor swore up, down, and sideways that Sue was with him the whole time, my mother didn’t believe it was her either.
“I was thrown out of the house the next morning, and Sue went on that date with you guys.” I held out my hands, lifting my shoulders. “The rest is history.”
“Wow...” Alex stumbled back. “I just... wow.”
