“In the parking lot, not the club. I’ll be fine,” I assured him, already knowing it was a lie. Just the thought of going back there, where that creep had assaulted me, and where I had seen Dio butcher him after with his bare hands, filled me with anxiety and nausea.
“We could go tomorrow, after ye’ve had more sleep?” he suggested and I rolled my eyes at him.
“You just said yourself we need to get this done quick, and I agree. We have ample time to go tonight, so we should.”
“Such a stubborn wee thing,” he said with a wry smile. “Fine. Get ready. I’ll drag the ogre from his pit.”
“Cal?” I teased, and he chuckled.
“Him too. Be ready in half an hour.”
I nodded that I would be and headed back to the bedroom, which Dante had designated me, after he deemed it the safest and farthest from the entrance door to the suite.
I pulled out some dark clothes, similar to what I would have worn before Rafe found me. I’d packed them purposely, hopingthe more I dressed like the old me, the more I would feel like her too.Wishful thinking, I scoffed to myself.
***
“Up here. Just pull up on the right,” I directed Dante, who was driving the SUV we had rented from the airport. He parked up at the side of the street just out of sight of the strip club I had worked at since I was way too young to legally do so –Jewels.
It would have been safer, especially in this dubious neighbourhood, to park round the back in the car park, but there was no way I was going to keep a handle on my shit if we went around there – to the place those monsters had pinned me down and violated me. Just thinking about going back there had me clenching my fists so hard I could feel my warm blood trickling from the cuts my indented nails made in my palms.
“Are you sure you can do this?” Dante asked as I met his eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Yes. I’m fine,” I lied. I swiped my bloodied hands on my black jeans, knowing the blood wouldn’t show against the dark denim, then opened the rear door and jumped out, before I broke down and begged Dante to just start the car again and take me back to the airport.
“Cara!” Cal called after me, but I had already slammed the car door closed and was stepping onto the sidewalk. I had pinned my old armour over as many of the gaping wounds I felt had been torn within me recently, as I could. It wasn’t enough, but I could fake the rest. I had to, if I was ever going to get any of the answers I needed.
“Stop right there, lassie,” Arran snapped, and I did, turning to look behind myself for him, with a glare on my face.
“What? I thought we were going to get on and get this done?” I threw back at him with annoyance.
“You don’t just run off without us,” Dante rumbled. I looked up and found him at my side, so close I could feel the heat radiating from his furnace of a body. “You told Rafe you’d behave.”
“I told Rafe I would follow your instructions, and I will, but don’t forget this is my world. I know how things work around here much better than any of you do, and you need to let me take the lead. No one is going to talk to me with you two lurking over me.” I waved a finger between Dante and Arran.
“You’re not leaving our sight. You might think you know how it works here, but people weren’t hunting you down before. It’s not safe,” Dante pointed out.
“I’m perfectly aware of that, Dante, seeing as the last time I was here I was beaten and raped!” I hissed with all of the rage and fear that was bursting from me at just being back there. “Fuck!” I took a stuttering breath as I wrapped my arms around my stomach, turned, and stormed back the way I had come, away from the club and towards the darker end of the street.
“Cara?” Cal puffed as he came after me.
“A minute!” I snapped, instantly hating my tone even as it came out of my mouth. I was being a bitch. It was my fear taking over. “Sorry.” I turned to Cal who was close behind me. He smiled sadly and nodded once. “Please, just give me a minute to calm down though…please.”
“Just stay where we can see you, okay?” Cal requested, and I nodded, then I walked over to the closest building and leant against it. I lay my head back against the cool concrete and closed my eyes as I forced myself to just breathe.
I was frustrated with myself. Being there - walking to and from that club in the dead of night, knowing the risks but unable to avoid them when I didn’t have the money for cabs, or even public transport – that had been my life for so long. I had walked those streets, and even more perilous ones in the neighbourhood we had lived in, over and over. I had known the risks, but done it anyway, confident that I could handle myself if it came to it.
Now, I was back there and that confidence was gone. I was afraid and no matter how much I hated myself for that, I couldn’t seem to overcome it. Being with Rafe and the others, right after all that had gone wrong, had made me weak. It had broken me, and somehow, I had started to repair myself around the people who were helping to hold me together. Now I needed them to feel safe and even marginally together.
“Cara. I don’t like you being out here. You’re too vulnerable. Either we go inside, or we go back to the hotel,” Dante rumbled after a couple of minutes. I was surprised he had given me that long, to be honest.
I took a deep breath and lowered my head. I had to do this, and I could. I just needed to hold onto my nerve – something I used to be good at before.
“We’re going in,” I spoke up as I pushed from the wall and tightened my leather jacket around me with a shudder. It was snowy and bitterly cold in Chicago, as usual at that time of year, and I was frozen in my foolishly selected outfit. “Cal and I aregoing in alone first. You two can follow behind us, and sit at one of the tables on the right side of the club. I’ll be at the bar, so you’ll be able to see me clearly from there.”
“I don’t like it,” Dante announced instantly.
“Really? You do surprise me!” I teased him, but he just stared me down, no hint of a smile on his handsome, but stoic face.
