“I think so. It h-happened a lot before…when I was younger, but now I…I’m better at h-holding them off. Most of the t-time, anyway.” I was still shaking hard and my words came out stuttered and wobbly.
“Have you ever seen a doctor about it? Your anxiety, I mean?” Dio pushed, and I just shook my head tiredly. Even if I could have afforded to get help, I likely never would have. I didn’t need a professional to tell me I wasn’t normal. That much was abundantly clear already. “Maybe we should think about getting you some help. There’s medications you can take, or we could find a professional for you to speak with about everything. There must be options to help you.”
“I d-don’t want to take drugs, and I…I d-don’t like strangers. I’m alright. I don’t n-need help,” I replied stubbornly. I knew Diowas about to argue with me, but luckily Cal saved me when he walked back into the office with a tray in one hand, and blankets draped over the other.
“I brought some snacks too, just in case you felt hungry. How are we doing in here?” he asked as he paused and looked between us all.
“Are Dante and Arran b-back yet?” I asked as the thought struck me. We’d left them alone, then I’d lost it. Were they safe? Did anyone even know?
“Arran sent me a message to say they had a lead they needed to follow. They’ll be back later,” Cal answered. He crossed the room and knelt before me, placing the tray on the floor beside him. On it sat a couple of bottles of water, a glass of what looked like orange juice, and some small bowls filled with chopped fruit, popcorn, and another with my favourite malted chocolate balls. “Think you can drink something?” Cal asked.
“Water please,” I whispered. Cal screwed off the cap then handed the bottle into my shaky hand. I took a few sips, the cool liquid soothing my raw throat. I took one more drink, then handed the bottle back, not trusting myself to keep a hold of it with how badly I still shook.
“I brought some more blankets, but I also grabbed Arran’s sweatshirt if you want to put that on. I know you like wearing our oversized clothes,” Cal offered as he held out a black hooded sweater, with the cutest smile on his face.
“They’re comfortable,” I shrugged, then I reached for the sweater.
“You can buy more clothes if what you have isn’t comfortable, Cara. Just go online and get whatever you need. You don’t needto borrow things that don’t even fit you,” Rafe told me, and I nodded, but there was no way I’d be doing that. I didn’t just steal the guys sweaters because they were comfortable and baggy. I stole them because they made me feel closer to the owners of the articles when I was struggling, and missing them and their company.
Rafe and Cal both helped me to pull Arran’s sweater on over my own clothes, and I sighed to myself discreetly when I sat back and was surrounded by the scent of Arran. It was a mix of the aftershave I knew so well already, mixed with something citrusy, which I assumed was his shampoo or bodywash, all mixed with a note that was just Arran. It brought me so much comfort to have that part of him close to me after the panic of the last hour or so.
While Rafe and Cal fussed wrapping me in multiple blankets, Dio’s phone rang and he left the room to take the call. I was just settling in against Rafe again when Dio came back in looking stressed and somewhat angry.
“What happened?” I demanded as I sat up and tensed for the next disaster to hit.
“Nothing, Carr. It’s just an issue at one of our hotels. I’m going to need to steal Rafe away if you’re feeling better?” Dio assured me.
“Can’t you handle it?” Rafe sighed, not even trying to hide his annoyance.
“Sorry brother. This is something you definitely need to be involved with,” Dio replied.
“Go.” I turned in Rafe’s arms so I could see his face. “I’m better now. I just want to sleep.”
“Not in your room. I don’t want you sleeping in there any longer. You’re not comfortable there, and you don’t feel safe. We’regoing to set you up a new bedroom, and you’re going to tell me exactly how you want it to be. No more sleeping in the dressing room,Tesorino,” he told me firmly.
“You can’t do that, Rafe. I…I’ll get used to it.”
“I can, and I will. Tomorrow we’re going to talk about it and get the ball rolling, but for tonight I don’t want you to be alone.”
“She won’t be. I’ll stay with her,” Cal interjected.
“I don’t need someone to keep an eye on me,” I argued, even though I realised how ridiculous the statement was after the epic meltdown I just sank into.
“No one is keeping an eye on you,Piccola. We just don’t want you to be alone after this. We want someone close if it happens again,” Dio countered, and when I met his eyes, I saw nothing but genuine concern.
“It’s not just for you, Cara. I want to be close to you after seeing you that way. You scared me and I’m not okay yet,” Cal added, and when I looked to him I realised he wasn’t joking around. He looked pale and legitimately shaken.
“I just want you to be, and to feel secure, Cara. Tell me what you need, sweetheart. Do you want me to have men bring a bed in here, so you can sleep here? Cal can stay here with you too. I could have a television brought in too, so you can watch films and try to relax,” Rafe offered, and I hated the desperation in his voice. He would literally do anything to help me, and I’d never had that before. It made me feel guilty, because I knew I was hurting him every time I failed to keep it together and scared him.
“Cal and I can watch a film in the living room. The sofa there is big enough for us both to crash on. I’ll be fine there,” I suggested, hoping it would soothe him.
“I don’t like the idea of you sleeping on the sofa,” he grumbled.
“I’ve slept in far worse places, Rafe!” I shouldn’t have snapped, but I was just so tired and stressed out with everything that had happened. It was myself I was angry with, for losing my control so majorly and scaring not only Rafe, but all of them. “Shit. Sorry,” I sighed almost instantly.
“We’ll figure it out, Rafe. I’ll make sure Cara’s comfortable enough to sleep. You both should go and put out whatever fire needs dealing with. I’ll give you a ring if Cara needs anything,” Cal cut in, and I was so grateful to him.
“Are you sure you’ll be alright now?” Rafe asked as he held me against him again.
