“I’ll have a decaf one made for you.”
“Etta,” I warn, but smile as I stand. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”
Her eyes are warm as she stares up at me. “Tommaso has never treated his staff as anything other than family, and I knew you’d be the same. Now, go.” She shoos me again.
I leave the library, heading straight up to my bedroom, still feeling a bit shaky and weak. When I reach the bedroom, I head straight for the ensuite and grab one of the pregnancy tests Tommaso bought because we’re both eager for a child. I do that first, not wanting to wait any longer than I have to. After I’m finished, I wash my hands, brush my teeth, and pace the bathroom, anxiously waiting for enough time to pass, chewing my thumbnail as I do.
When I go to the vanity and look down at the pregnancy test sitting on the counter, there’s only one line. But maybe I didn’t wait long enough? So I wait longer, staring down at it, not removing my eyes the entire time, but the second line never develops.
A wave of disappointed sadness washes over me, and I fight the urge to break into tears. But then I remind myself that Tommaso and I have just started trying, so it’s normal that I wouldn’t be pregnant after barely a month of trying. Right?
“You need to know, Tommaso was using you,”my father’s voice says in my head again.“He never wanted you…not the way you thought and hoped. He was using you… wanting you to be his whore.”
His whore? Why…why would my father even say that to me?
I try to focus on the end of the memory, where he showed something to me, but still, there’s only blackness, that part of the memory refusing to come.
Why would a father ever say that to their daughter?
And why does it feel like whatever my father had shown me had broken me?
Whatever it was, it couldn’t have been about Tommaso.
Tommaso promised he’d never break me.You have my word or my life. Everything I know and intuitively remember about my husband is that he’s an honorable man. Yes, he’s a criminal leader, but he’s still honorable.
So either this is my mind twisting and recreating events as they drift up from the fog, or my father was wrong.
Tommaso would never use me.
He wants me; I’ve seen it with my own eyes and can feel it.
And I know he’d never harm me, let alone break me.
Chapter 30
Tommaso
Ginasleepscurledonher side, hugging my pillow. When I had returned earlier, she had told me about getting sick and the negative pregnancy test. She tried to hide her disappointment with a smile, saying we’d keep trying. She was pale, though, and I’m concerned.
I worry that I’m pushing her too hard, too fast. But the timer counting down to when I’d have to reveal that I wouldn’t be marrying Rosa because I was already married to Gina was hurtling closer and faster.
I needed to figure out how to explain this to my wife, on top of continuing to try to get her pregnant. The two aren’t exclusive and independent of each other. Gina could freak out that I’m technically engaged to another woman, which would impact her willingness to let me touch her, and I couldn’t waste a moment of opportunity.
I had to time this perfectly and use every second wisely.
The other concerning thing is the memories of her father and her reaction to the ones about him recently.
The ones of theBabboversion of him bring her nostalgic happiness; the way she speaks of her parents when she was a young girl, and of the close-knit family they were, bring her peace. She wants that sort of family for us, and I’ll do anything and everything to make that happen. But it’s the other fleeting memories of her father and the man he is now that have me concerned.
Especially whatever the memory was today that had made her vomit, but she wouldn’t give me any details. She just shook her head and said it was her mind getting the memory wrong or twisting it somehow. It seemed to upset her when I pushed her to talk about it, so I let it go.
Leaning down, I kiss her forehead softly, then leave the bedroom to go down to my office and call Johnathon. I want him to come tomorrow to give her a complete check-up, as well as draw blood. I want a blood analysis to make sure everything is okay, and I want him test her blood to see if she might actually be pregnant.
Etta insisted that home pregnancy tests could be wrong or might not be able to detect them this early. She knows what’s at stake here, but she also knows how much Gina and I want a child.
The house is quiet and dark as I make my way to the office. I’ve sent Marco away, even though he could easily stay within one of the wings in the house. Silvio is back in LA, overseeing our territory there.
I need both of them to return to their homes and act normally so my father stops asking so many questions.
