“Youare my fucking problem, Etarla. You havebeenmy fucking problem since I stole you from Koerlyn’s hands,” he revealed, his voice shaking as much as mine. “And you’ve only become more of a problem, because I am fuckingconsumedby you, constantly. I cannot seem to breathe or rest or think unless you are near or I know you are safe.”
My lips parted as his confession barreled into me.
“And in several days, we will enter the Domus, and your purpose here will be done. All these weeks we have spent together, these moments I have had with you, will be finished.” Some of the tension drained from his grip. “You’ll be free to go, and you will return to your life, and I need to let you do that because it is the right thing to do. It’s what I promised all those weeks ago when I first took you.”
Before my very eyes, his anger transformed into grim resignation. “You’re my fucking problem, because I am a selfish bastard and I cannot have you.”
For a fleeting moment, I wondered if this was real, or if I was imagining this out of desperation. Shock choked me, every word leaving me stunned, every statement shoving me off a new cliff to freefall. I needed time to digest this, to understand the meaning layered under every confession.
The only response I managed was, “What makes you so certain I would leave?”
The question caught him by surprise. If I was being honest, it surprised me, too.
He shook his head, his throat bobbing. “You would be foolish not to. I see the way you look at me, like I amworthy.” He choked out the word, and there was misery in it. “As Aric reminded us yesterday, I am not,carella.And I willnotallow you to think I am.”
Skies…
“I was telling the truth when I said I wouldn’t allow myself to hurt you again. I’ve been unkind, but to bring you true pain would be to trap you in a life you’d despise.” He swallowed again, easing back, fingers slipping away. “You will bring me into the Domus, and you will leave to build a life that makes you happy.”
I’d never thought about my life after entering the Domus. There were too many issues to deal with in the present moment. My entire world was here and now, overwhelmed by the Domus, and Harthon, and trying to stay alive. To think about the future was too presumptuous.
But now Iwasthinking about it, and it hit me with the force of a charging stallion that there was no life for me to return to.
I couldn’t go back to how things were—living for survival, ignorant of the world. Living in Second Territory, entirely removed, pretending I’d never met this force of a man. Pretending like he hadn’t changed my life irrevocably, like parts of me didn’t belong to him.
A gaping cavern opened within me at the mere thought.
“That’s why you’ve been such a temperamental ass,” I breathed.
“No, Etarla. Iaman ass.”
“You are,” I agreed. “But not in the deliberate way you’ve been.” Lifting a hand, I traced the line of his jaw to the corner of his supple lips.
His body was a statue. One that was trembling with the effort to remain that way.
I said the only thing I was certain of regarding my future. “Your commitment to protecting others is part of what makes you sogood.But this time, it was misguided, because the life that will make me happy does not involve leaving, Harthon.”
Those dark, gold-flecked irises blazed. “You need to think about that.”
This wasn’t him trying to control my life. This was self-doubt and fear from a man whose past would have crumbled and corrupted any other person.
I dragged my thumb across his bottom lip. “I have thought about it. And the idea of returning to my old life makes my stomach bottom out, and I think that’s because my world now exists within yours,” I confessed.
His lips parted. I felt his chin shift into my touch, his stubborn resistance beginning to crack.
My thumb paused. “You say you are not worthy of me, but sometimes I fear it is the other way around.”
He gripped my fingers at his mouth. “You are more than worthy.”
“Then show me.”
Chapter 22
As those three small words left my mouth, I knew I’d tumbled over an edge. Because those three words were so much more than a request.
They were want. They were need. They were acceptance and desire and something else that seemed to squeeze my entire being and release me all at once. That bulb within me awoke, flooding my body with a heat that reflected the fever in Harthon’s eyes.
I thought he might still be feeding himself the deep-seated lie that he did not deserve this, because he had yet to move. But then his fingers, still covering mine on his jaw, peeled my hand away and brought my palm to his lips in a tender kiss.
