What was that hesitation I heard in his voice?
His words sounded confident, but there was a slight hitch in his tone that I couldn’t overlook.
Was he relieved?
Yes, that was it. Logan had given me his card in the hope that I would use it, but he hadn’t been a hundred percent certain I’d call.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Part of me felt a bit of satisfaction that I’d made them worry, but mostly, I just felt insulted that they actually believed I was the type of person who could walk away from other people’s suffering.
Well, I hadn’t given them much reason to believe in me after the way I’d yelled and walked away from them.
“Hey. So, um, is there somewhere we can meet up to talk? The recovery center probably isn’t the best place for privacy.”
This was going to be an awkward conversation no matter what, so I may as well forge ahead and get it over with.
We endedup meeting a few hours later. That gave me enough time to catch a quick nap, so I was in a better mood when I saw Clay and Logan waiting for me at the local park. We weren’t truly alone. There was a jungle gym not too far away filled with kids and their parents, but no one was close enough to overhear us.
Clay noticed me first, jumping up from the picnic table where he’d been sitting to wave at me.
His enthusiasm made me feel even more embarrassed when I remembered how I’d yelled at him the night before.
Zipping up my jacket as high as it would go, I buried my face within the fleece collar. Thankfully, it was a cool day, so I had an excuse to hide my embarrassment.
“Hey, Clay,” I said as I awkwardly sat down across from him at the table. “Thanks for meeting me here.”
Clay reached out like he meant to touch me but then stopped himself and clasped his hands in his lap.
I expected him to say something, but to my surprise, it was Logan who responded instead.
“No, we should be thanking you. I know this is a lot to spring on you all of a sudden. Trust me, we wouldn’t ask this of you if we weren’t so desperate.”
Clay sat beside him, silently watching me. The two of them must have come to some agreement before I arrived to let Logan do all the talking. There were so many words behind his eyes, I feared he was about to burst with them, but he said nothing.
It wasn’t surprising, after the way I’d yelled at him yesterday. In his place, I’d have avoided talking to me as well.
I tapped my fingers nervously on the table, picking at a splinter in the old wood.
“You said that you needed me to be a witness for your case. What, um, what would I have to do, specifically?”
Logan and Clay shared a silent look, once again communicating only with their eyes. I couldn’t tell for sure, but based on the way they were positioned, I had a feeling they were holding hands under the table.
That little green-eyed monster in my heart tried to rear its ugly head again, but I pushed it back. I would have drowned the thing if I could, but there was no getting rid of it. All I could do was ignore it and never let my jealousy show on my face.
“For now, what we need from you is information,” Logan said. “If you can tell us everything you remember about the bell ringers, we can use it to hunt down more information about their operation. Then we’ll need you to testify. Juries are swayed more by human experiences than by facts. Hearing about your experiences will help people to believe us.”
Off in the distance, a child screamed.
I flinched and turned toward the panicked sound. My pulse spiked in my veins and my heart stuttered.
Almost as soon as the screaming started, it stopped. One of the children on the playground had fallen, but their mother quickly picked them up and dusted them off. Just like that, everything was fine. The child’s fear was immediately forgotten, and they went back to playing with their friends.
There was no one to pick me up if I fell. No one to soothe my hurts or make sure I was all right. The closest thing I’d ever known to a parent were the therapists that worked with me at the recovery center.
What would they tell me now?
I’d spent so many hours sitting in the therapist’s office that it was easy to pretend I was there now. In my mind, the old picnic table turned into a set of familiar armchairs, and fresh air turned into the scent of bergamot and orange.
It instantly put me at ease and helped soothe my fear.
