At the sound of my knock, it swung open with such force that it banged against the doorstop on the wall behind it.
“You better be goddamn kidding me, Ace,” he growled, before turning around to storm away from me.
Guilt overwhelmed me. I had never seen Zane this angry, even after he was told his knee injury would prevent him from playing hockey again.
“Get in here.”
His words had my feet following the command. A quick look at the wall as I shut the door behind me revealed no damage.
At least we weren’t starting the conversation with property damage added to the hotel bill.
Zane continued his pacing as I skirted around him to sit in the room’s only chair.
“Buddy, I’m sorry. Listen. . .” Despite the inevitability of this conversation, I was suddenly at a loss for the right words to make the situation better.
“Fuck no! I’m not your buddy right now. I’m your goddamn boss. And your boss just barged in on you fucking one of our players. A bloody twenty-two-year-old rookie whom we are responsible for making a better hockey player, not secretly sleeping with him!” He didn’t stop his pacing back and forthalong the end of the bed. Instead, he counted off his statements like he was listing all the ways I’d gone wrong.
A Wylie-Coyote-sized anvil dropped into my gut.
He raked his hands through his hair, gripping the ends and tugging hard. That shit had to hurt, but he acted like he didn’t even feel the pain in his distracted state.
Zane was right. I had to account for myself professionally first. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to excuse my choices other than show Zane that I did consider my role as his offensive coach a priority, apologize, and take the consequences as anyone else would have to.
I owed him complete honesty, not placating words.
“You’re right, Zane. I’ve let you down as head coach. There’s no way I can justify my actions in getting involved with Cade. I can’t remember if the Hammerheads’ contract said anything about inter-organizational relationships, but even if it’s not a legal issue, it is an ethical one. I had an obligation to you and to the team, and I failed.”
Zane’s steps slowed as I spoke. Eventually, he sank down on the end of the bed, leaning over so he could rest his elbow on his knees, his hands clenching and releasing in front of him.
“You’re fucking right you failed. You didn’t just let the rest of the players down and break my goddamn trust, you set us all up for a potential shitstorm of epic proportions! The optics on this are horrible. I know you, with the exception of this decision, are a hockey player with integrity and a person who would never take advantage of someone vulnerable.” Zane scrubbed his face in frustration. The pressure of his hands left his eyes slightly bloodshot, adding to the exhaustion he was radiating.
I parted my lips to reply. Zane held up a hand to stop me.
“Shut up. I know that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt someone else, but the rest of the motherfucking world? They see Ace Landry, the biggest breakout superstar center of thepast five seasons, with his designer fragrance campaign and money flowing through his hands like water. This world has very little grace to offer genuinely good people who make mistakes. Have you missed every bit of good sense I’ve attempted to drill into the players this entire goddamn season? It should be that way because too fucking many men have gotten away with unspeakable shit for years and years. All because of money and power. Now you go and do this. Maybe you don’t give a fuck about your job because you have a multi-million-dollar NHL contract to return to. But this? This is my goddamn team and livelihood you’re fucking with, Asher. Who gave you the right to torpedo my life along with your own?” He heaved the final words, the fight in his voice giving way to something tinged with despair.
He dropped his chin to his chest with a sigh, the situation exhausting him, or maybe he couldn’t bear to look at me.
I would have preferred he pull out his old defenseman ways and kick my ass with his fists than take the emotional beating of his words.
If I thought I felt guilty before, I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva now, I was so sickened by how much I’d hurt him.
The direct line between my choices and how disastrous they could be for Zane had become a reality.
“Fuck. I’m so sorry, man. You’re right.” I leaned back into the chair, closing my eyes as I rested my head against the cushion.
A heavy silence sat between us. I knew the only option was for me to leave the team immediately. It was the fastest way to solve the problem for everyone.
Because there was no way in hell I would ever give Cade up. I refused to consider a scenario where our relationship wasn’t part of the solution.
Cade carried a heavy burden when it came to hockey. His experience with the game had been tainted by his father’ssimultaneous hatred and jealousy of Cade’s skills and the family’s reliance on Cade’s hockey salary.
Each time he offhandedly referenced something about his app development, he almost immediately self-censored. He loved the app development and coding that he did, but he talked about it as if that dream was out of his reach. Like he wasn’t twenty-two with his entire life ahead of him to chase what he wanted.
No matter what was coming next for Cade and me in terms of consequences, he deserved to have all options available to him. Maybe he would fall in love with hockey once he got out from under his father’s control? It was hard to imagine after seeing how much molding himself into the perfect future hockey star took out of him, but if my shoulder injury and slow-as-fuck recovery had taught me anything, it was that I was shit at predicting the future.
“I knew from your behavior recently that you were seeing someone, but I never would have imagined you with one of the players.” The sharp tone of Zane’s statement sliced through the air that separated us. “A fucking rookie! Do you know how this looks?”
I knew what a nightmare this could be for all of us. I felt the worst about involving my best friend in a situation that could risk ending his career for the second time in his life.
