He’d gone out of his way to welcome and encourage me from the very first time that we met.
And now, there was a possibility I could lose all that.
I wasn’t the person he thought I was. I was a guy too weak to stand up to his own father, even in a medical emergency.
It didn’t matter that I’d grown a few inches taller than my dad a few years ago. I’d spent my whole life tiptoeing around the things that would make him lash out.
The unending vigilance of trying to anticipate any situation that could result in him taking his anger out on me meant thatI didn’t have any defenses when he came at me with his vitriolic words or his fists.
Living this way was fucking exhausting.
Pressure built behind my eyes as I stepped out of the massive shower cubicle, grabbing a towel from the perfectly rolled set on one end of the white granite bathroom counter. The plush softness of the towel sliding over my skin as I rubbed myself dry was another reminder that a whole world of experiences separated me from someone on Ash’s level.
I wished there was a way to escape seeing the judgment or pity in Ash’s eyes when I went back out to the bedroom, knowing as soon as I stepped out of this steam-filled bathroom, things were going to change between us.
nineteen
CADEN
Unable to delay facing Ash without faking some kind of illness, I turned the handle on the bathroom door.
Even though I wanted to jump into bed and hide under the covers rather than make eye contact with him, I vowed to face his reaction head-on.
I forced my gaze to latch on to his form, where he was sprawled against the headboard of one of the queen beds, a leg bent up to balance the way he leaned on one side of his body.
The motion of my steps had his gaze snapping to mine in the otherwise silent room.
A half-pained chuckle came out of my chest as I stood before him, holding my bundle of dirty clothes under one arm.
“It’s all yours.” I gestured toward the bathroom with my free hand, wishing like hell I’d thought to take the boxers and T-shirt I’d thrown in my duffel into the bathroom with me.
When he didn’t immediately stand and go into the bathroom, I sank down on the edge of my bed with the multitude of pillows that sat just behind me. I let my chin fall toward my chest, looking down at my bare knees now exposed by the towel riding up as I moved back onto the bed.
I’d thought another thing I’d become numb to was showering and changing around other hockey players, but being alone in the quiet cocoon of this hotel room with Ash made me very aware of my bare skin under the towel.
“Cade, is there something wrong with the shower? Do I need to call someone to come fix it?”
I didn’t look up from where my right hand held the edge of my towel in a death grip, making sure it didn’t fall open by accident.
What was he talking about with the shower? Not understanding his questions, I hesitated.
He waited only a second for my reply before clarifying.
“Your skin. Is it irritated from the water being too hot?”
The genuine concern in Ash’s voice had me looking across the small space that separated our beds before glancing down at my chest and abdomen.
Sure enough, my pale, freckled skin was bright pink from my aggressive scrubbing in the shower.
“Ah, yeah. It’s nothing. It’s a redhead thing, you know. My skin shows everything.” As if on cue, my ears warmed under his watchful eyes.
“If you’re sure. . .” he said, drawing out the words. Clearly, he wasn’t convinced but let it drop. “Room service should be here within fifteen minutes. I hope you’re hungry because I definitely ordered too much.”
“No worries. I’ll keep an ear out while you. . .” I waved at the bathroom again, not able to talk about Ash being naked in the shower while I sat practically naked on the bed in front of him.
I didn’t mention that I wasn’t sure if I could eat because my stomach was so tied up in knots over how he saw me now.
He nodded and headed into the bathroom.
