“Don’t,” he pleads as a fresh wave of devastation sweeps over him.
“They had to sedate me, you know,” I whisper. “After they pulled you away from me. For weeks, I was locked in a room with enough drugs in my system to knock out someone twice my size. Every time I regained consciousness, I exploded. I screamed so loud my vocal cords swelled shut, and I threw myself against the door until I broke my arm.”
“There was no emotion on your face,” he says, and the accusation cuts deep. “When they dragged me away from you, you just watched. You didn’t even fight… it was like you didn’t fucking care.”
I shake my head as the memory of that day crashes over me. “If I had shown you how much it was killing me to watch you go, you would’ve never stopped trying to come back for me. I had to protect you.”
“What is it you were protecting me from?” he demands. “Ljómur? We were alreadythere, Xen. We were part of that world. I would rather have been there with you than anywhere else, but you took away my choice.”
“Because I knew what you would choose.”
“I would’ve chosenyou,” he says as agitation tightens his features. “Every single fucking time, I would’ve chosen you.”
I wince at his anger. “Iwaschoosing you—”
“You were taking the easy way out,” he accuses, and his eyes beg me to say something,anything, to make it better.
A pained laugh leaves my throat, and I shake my head. “Do you really think anything about this has been easy? Watching you go changed me, Bash. Itdestroyedme, but I did it for you. And I’msorry.”
My voice cracks as I swallow, trying to get myself back under control.
“I’ll never stop being sorry for what it did to you. I’ll make it up to you. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.”
I inch closer, and he closes his eyes but doesn’t pull away, so I push my luck with more bold words.
“We can be good together again,” I whisper.
My mouth finds his in a touch that’s barely more than a brush, and his whimper is helpless as he weaves his fingers into my hair. There’s nothing tentative about the pressure of his lips. Nothing unfamiliar or questioning, only unrestrained need and unspoken words. His nails scrape against my scalp, and I shiver, ready to dive in headfirst when he rips his mouth from mine.
His chest heaves as his pulse thuds in his neck, and the hand that was just in my hair now rests on my sternum, holding me back. I push my weight forward into his palm, but don’t force myself closer.
“Let me in, Bash. Please?”
“It’s so easy,” he murmurs, more to himself than to me, though his eyes don’t leave mine. “So fucking easy to fall back into this with you.”
“So do it,” I plead. “Fall with me.”
His lips purse as he stands, but as agitated as his movements are, his hands are careful as they hold on to me. His grip never loosens as he eases my feet to the ground. The muscles in his jaw clench as he grits his teeth, trapping whatever words are trying to break free.
“I need time,” he manages to say, and turns toward the door.
“Time for what?” I hurry to follow, gripping the edge of his shirt.
He whirls and storms back to me, lifting me by my thighs and carrying me backward until I’m sitting on the concrete barrier. My stomach swoops at the drop from this rooftop to the streets below.
There’s no fear, though, as I clutch his shirt and stare into his eyes. He cups my cheeks again—gently, so gently, like he’s afraid I might break.
Like I wouldn’t welcome becoming his ruin.
Wind gusts between the buildings, and my hair swirls around us. For a moment, I think he’ll just walk away and leave me here, hanging off the end of the world, where it would take so little to teeter over the edge. But his hands don’t loosen their grip, and he doesn’t let me fall.
“I need time to remember you aren’t the bad guy,” he says, lips brushing the side of my face, “and to believe you won’t hurt me again.”
The chasm in my heart gouges deeper, but I don’t argue. Although his words sting, they’re valid.
“Whatever you need, darling,” I whisper. “I’ll give you whatever you need.”
His restraint snaps as he pulls me forward, his kiss more bruising this time. My knees spread as his arm bands around my waist, and the breeze hits my bare skin as my shirt lifts under his hand. Fabric squeezes between my fingers as I tug him closer.
