“Yeah,” I say, pressing my face into his hair and breathing him in despite the pain. “My Xen. My peace.”
He cries harder as I scoop him into my arms. Curious heads turn as I carry him through the hallway, but I ignore them. Xeni’s face stays buried in my neck, his warmth leaching into me and heating the edges of that soul deep cold I’ve carried for so long.
I balance him to unlock the door to my bedroom, where the dimness inside is broken only by the fading sunset filtering through the curtains. I shut the door behind us, the click loud in the quiet.
Xeni sniffles and lifts his head, glancing around the room before meeting my eyes. Neither of us says a word as I lay him on the bed and separate his knees once more.
“I’m going to clean you up,” I say softly.
His lip trembles, but he nods, and his gaze follows me into the bathroom and out again.
“This might sting,” I say with an apologetic grimace.
“That’s alright,” he whispers, though he winces when I dab alcohol over the open cut.
“You need to drink some water,” I say as I hand him a bottle. “It takes a lot to get you this drunk, Xeni.”
“Yeah,” he mutters before he takes a few long swallows.
I take the bottle and guide his head to the pillow. He watches me as I pull the blankets around him.
“Smells like you,” he murmurs, snuggling deeper with a sleepy, wobbling smile. “Only you.”
“Only me,” I agree, voice thick.
I run my fingers through his hair as he hums contentedly. He’s beautiful even like this—tear-streaked and vulnerable, with his eye red-rimmed and swollen.
“Get some rest, okay?”
He nods, breath already evening out as I place the water bottle on the bedside table.
The empty space beside him feels like a battle zone, loaded with a minefield of memories that could detonate with the slightest wrong move.
Lying there now would be reckless.
It would pull me straight into territory I’ve spent years trying to barricade myself against.
I compromise by dragging the armchair closer, and the legs scrape softly against the floor until it’s only a foot from the bed. I drop into it with a sigh that comes from the deepest part of me, exhaustion and something more tender settling over my shoulders as I watch him.
He’s asleep within minutes, soft breaths filling the quiet.
I sit there in the growing dark, watching him, and the weight of everything presses down until I can barely breathe.
The scars.
The ring.
The truth he still hasn’t fully given me.
For tonight, this is close enough.
Xeni
Wardrumsechoinmy skull, and my mouth is so dry my tongue clings to the roof like a flag of surrender. I try to pull memories from the incessant thudding in my brain, and the night comes back to me in a fuzzy blur.
Ordering Talia to unlock my door.
Swiping a few bottles of booze from the cupboards.
