By the time they’ve finished tending to the rose bushes, Rosie’s holding a basket filled with pink blooms.
‘Thanks for the help,’ Harley praises, ‘you’re a great assistant.’
She nods confidently. ‘I know.’
Huffing with amusement, the sound trails off as they leave the walled garden to find Vanessa struggling with a yelling, red-faced Laurie on the lawn.
‘Oh, will you give it a rest!’ she explodes at the wriggling toddler, before bursting into tears.
Harley jogs over. ‘Here, let me.’ Taking the boy, he throws him over his shoulder, before spinning around. ‘Where’s Laurie gone, Rosie? Is he lost? Did he disappear?’
Catching on quickly, she purses her lips. ‘I don’t know. Where could he be?’
The tiny boy stops shouting, switching to shrieks of laughter as Harley turns in another circle. ‘Laurie?’ After a moment, he puts the boy down. ‘Ah! There you are!’ He turns to Rosie. ‘Can you go play with him for a minute, please?’
Glancing at where Vanessa’s hunched on the bench by the walled garden with her face in her palms, Rosie grabs Laurie’s tiny hand. ‘Know how to play chase?’
‘Lay?’ He looks up at her trustingly as they amble away.
Harley crouches down at Vanessa’s feet. ‘Hey.’ He knows from Kirsten how tough being a single parent is. When there are moments it feels like it’s breaking you, with the exhausting pace and relentless demands. ‘You must be tired. I can’t imagine how hard it is looking after a toddler alone.’
‘Hard isn’t the word.’ She lifts her head, dragging her hands down wet cheeks. There are no smear marks so she must be wearing waterproof mascara.
Plunging in before he can question his sanity, he offers, ‘Why don’t I give you a break? Rosie’s got a ton of Duplo in her room and I’m sure we can keep him occupied.’
Her face sets. ‘I didn’t think you were interested in me. So, you’re offering to help selflessly? Why?’
She’s seen today’s rulethen. Choosing his words carefully, he explains, ‘We’re neighbours, and I’d like to hope, friends. It won’t cost me anything but my time, but will make a difference to you. Guess I want to be the kind of person who helps other people.’ He unconsciously recalls Kirsten’s remark at the BBQ about wanting to be with someone who has a generosity of spirit.
‘In that case, thank you.’ Vanessa sniffs. ‘You’re right, it’s tough. Although Kirsten’s been amazing, taking him when she can. But it’s not only that, it’s the situation with Laurie’s father. All very hush-hush,’ she casts him a sideways glance, ‘though I know I can trust you, with your desire to stay out of the public eye.’ Lowering her voice, she sighs. ‘He’s a high-profile, married man with a family and reputation to protect. When we met, he swore they were married in name-only, but when he found out I was pregnant, he installed me in a rented apartment in Kensington. Then bought me my flat,’ she gestures at the grandiose manor, ‘promising to visit. Said we’d be a family on weekends, but it hasn’t happened.’
‘Still not returning your calls?’
‘No,’ she says miserably, ‘it’s been over six weeks. I obviously need to accept we’re an inconvenient secret, and he has zero interest in having a future with us.’
Harley mulls over her words. ‘Look, I don’t want to offer false platitudes or tell you to keep your hopes up because he’ll turn up one day. I’m too cynical and don’t believe in fairy tales. He sounds like a shit, and I’d know. Had extra-marital affairs, slept my way around the world during travel for tournaments. I didn’t respect my marriage vows or care about the impact on my wife.My ego was huge, and I had an even bigger sense of entitlement. I wasn’t any better than him. Honestly, if a woman I slept with had come to me pregnant, I probably would’ve done worse.’
Her eyebrows furrowed. ‘Maybe the guy you were back then, Harley, but not now. I read the tabloids, and you seem different than how you were portrayed. If you were sleeping with Kirsten and she got pregnant, what would you do? Instinctive response?’
‘I- erm…’ For a moment, he imagines Kirsten’s belly rounded with his baby, a loving smile on her sexily freckled face. His throat tightens, and a fist of emotion clenches in his chest. The desire for a child was absent with his ex-wife and he never expected to enjoy spending time with a child the way he does with Rosie. His marriage had comprised two people orbiting a distant sun, rather than each other. What used to scare him now fills him with a tentative joy.
No, he can’t hope. It’s too much. Would break both of his hearts to have a new, unexpected dream and then lose it. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ Changing the subject, he stands up. ‘I’ll bring Laurie back to yours for dinner. In the meantime, read a book, or do something relaxing.’ Striding away, he yanks his phone out and calls a number he hasn’t used in months.
Listening to Vanessa’s experience hurts. She’s a woman who’s been left behind and made to feel shitty about herself. It sling-shots an arrow of remorse through him. He must try and make things right.
‘Hi. Thanks for answering. Please don’t hang up,’ he blurts at his ex-wife, ‘I need to say something.’ He thinks of all the times he wasn’t there for her, and the late nights he should’ve been agonising over his behaviour, but slept soundly. ‘I’m sorry. I’m genuinely regretful for the things I did. For all the pain I put you through when we were married. I was a complete shit.’ He prays she can hear the sincerity in his voice. ‘I have a new perspective since everything that’s happened.’
He touches a hand to his chest, running his index finger along the long, ridged, vertical scar. Recalling his collapse in the Oblix restaurant in The Shard, people peering down at him as he blacked out. Regaining consciousness in hospital to be told his heart was failing and his other organs would follow soon. The rush of tests, concerned medical staff and discussions about the organ register, weeks of dragging breathlessness while confined to a bed, followed by fear, pain, and confusion after waking up from the op. Confused as to why he no longer felt like himself. Which, as it turns out, has been a good thing.
Marnie is silent, but after a long pause, she volleys back, ‘You’re sorry?’
‘Yes.’ His thoughts turn to more recent months. The slow beat of recovery, becoming healthy again, finally reclaiming some of what he lost, in body and spirit.
‘What do you want?’ She sounds suspicious.
He can’t say he blames her.Peace of mind, he admits to himself, but it sounds selfish, so he says, ‘Nothing, other than to apologise and say that I hope you’re happy. I don’t expect you to forgive me after one conversation, but I wanted to make a start.’
‘Wow. This doesn’t sound like the Harley I once knew, and sadly, loved. Even if you didn’t think I did. What was it you called me during the divorce? A money-grabbing bitch?’
