‘Yeah. But while it was disturbing, it was also compelling. I’m sorry.’
‘What for? Reading it, or what happened to me?’
‘Both.’
Studying his face, could read the sincerity and distress. Felt sympathy, despite invasion of privacy. Sighed, temper cooling. Document probably not too far from final version, so maybe couldn’t be too cross given might be read or heard by others.Also, Ethan’s never given me reason to believe he’d willingly hurt somebody’s feelings. Empathy and understanding stamped through him like the name of a seaside town through a stick of rock. Appreciated his support at the gallery show, idle chatter distracting me and broad body blocking view to stop me anxiously fixating on milling crowds. Because of him, hadn’t descended into a panic attack.
Dropping my arms, sat down on adjacent mismatched stool. ‘Holy fuck,’ I echoed his comment. ‘Yeah, good description.’
He reached down to thread our fingers together, touch warm. The gesture communicated comfort, companionship and compassion. Although I automatically stiffened, told myself, you’re fine, the anxiety will pass. Nothing bad is going to happen.This is Ethan, who wears his heart on his sleeve, and won’t establish clear boundaries with his parents because he’s worried about hurting them. Taking a deep breath, kept my fingers curled within his.
‘You’re a hell of a writer,’ he said. ‘What you went through… I saw the scars at Rosie’s BBQ, but had no idea of the story behind them, and how far you’ve come. You should be proud of yourself.’ His voice dropped. ‘Hope that doesn’t sound patronising, because I mean it.’
‘Thank you.’ At his words, my face prickled with heat. His expression transformed from sadness into admiration, and I feltseenby a man in a way I hadn’t for long time. Was scary and unnerving, but was grateful for his friendship and thoughtful words.
It wasn’t just that. With a sinking feeling, realised Ilikehim. His shaggy blond hair was stuck up all over the place, and at times he reminds me of overenthusiastic golden retriever, full of energy and loping around with hopeful expression. Not my usual type, but want to spend more time with him.Oh, shit.Made mefeel as if had plunged feet-first into icy lake. Wrenching hand away, jumped off stool.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I’m ah- late meeting Kirsten. We’re ripping up more carpets in her cottage today.’ Shutting lid, slid laptop under my arm. ‘I’d better go.’
‘Hang on, I have a change of clothes with me.’ Pointed to a gym bag on the windowsill. ‘Told you, I drove over to help.’ Ethan started unknotting tie as I backed toward the door. ‘You could use some muscle, I bet?’
Couldn’t think of easy way to get rid of him without being rude. Ended up staring as he slid tie off and started undoing top button of his shirt. Then, I squeaked, ‘Couldn’t hurt, I guess.’ Muddled thoughts were tumbling in circles, nerves twanging stomach.
He frowned. ‘Are you ill or something? I half-expected a retaliatory response about women having muscles as well and not needing men to do the dirty work.’
Scoffing, I took another step back as two more buttons slipped through holes, and I caught a glimpse of chest hair. Mouth dried up. ‘Um, I’m a feminist, not an idiot. Physically you’re stronger, and we’ll get the carpets done quicker if there are three people rather than two.’ Turning around, practically bolted from the room as I called, ‘See you next door at Kirsten’s when you’ve changed.’
‘Tori, wait,’ he yelled. ‘Are we okay?’
Pausing with hand on front doorknob, knew there was no way could tell him what was going through my head, or about small shockwaves bouncing around my system. I like him. I think he’s hot.Not ready for it. Can’t trust myself. Or him?
Deciding he was asking about what he’d read on my laptop, raised voice, ‘Absolutely! Hurry up, or Kirsten will eat all the delicious lunch she promised me.’
Later, after demolishing every scrap of amazing Turkish food Kirsten happily shared, we readied lounge. Ethan was in black running shorts and a white T-shirt shamelessly clinging to contours of broad chest, and when he crouched down to examine how firmly the carpet was fixed to floor, his back muscles flexed under the material.
‘Woah,’ Kirsten whispered as we heaved a ratty wooden bureau into the hallway, ‘he’s surprisingly toned for someone who spends most of their week at a desk.’
‘He cycles up mountains in Wales with friends and enjoys running,’ I murmured. ‘Mostly for stress-relief. You wouldn’t believe the shit his family put him through. It’s a constant battle. Don’t know how he does it. Plus, he works full-time, has just taken on managing a team, and is always here helping.’
He had snapped at me one evening when I suggested putting boundaries in place with his parents because he was entitled to a life, and shouldn’t be caught in the middle. I’d also suggested his younger brother could do more.Don’t judge something you know nothing about. It’s not that easy,he’d bitten, before apologising straight away. I said sorry for overstepping, relieved to note I wasn’t scared of his anger. To be honest, also bit of a relief to realise he has baggage and isn’t perfect.
Kirsten interrupted my thoughts. ‘So, at this stage, he’s pretty much a god.’ She wiggled both eyebrows. ‘You seem to know a lot about his situation.’
‘We talk sometimes, working on the cottages. Stop teasing. If you don’t let me concentrate, I might drop this on your foot.’
She smirked, and I gave her a dirty look, but caught myself staring with a dry mouth at Ethan too many timesthat afternoon. Remembering latest rule againuse kind words, to yourself and others, comforted myself it was okay to be confused. Maybe didn’t need to have all the answers. Could take things one day at a time.
Later that evening, as left cottages, my citrus-scented rainbow roses were in impossibly full bloom, and the colours even more dazzling. Looking around to check no one was watching, I murmured, ‘Okay, I get it. Thanks.’ A couple of them closed and then opened their petals, as if in silent acknowledgement.
CHAPTER 31
Harley
Offer Help Selflessly
Harley’s stepping out of the shower when he hears a frantic knocking. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he strides along the hallway and throws his front door open. ‘Yes?’
