‘Why do we have to define it, before we’ve even started?’ But letting go of his belt, she eases away. ‘Those aren’t the realreasons, Harley.’ Boldly looking him in the eye, she adds, ‘When you’re ready to tell me, let me know.’
His body feels bereft without hers. He’s blind-sided, not sure what to think, feel or say.
Her hand trembles as she pours the wine, affected by their closeness, and there’s an honesty in that which is appealing.
Sighing, she says, ‘We’d better get back in there.’
‘Yeah.’ But he’s not listening, because her impassioned words are echoing through his mind. We’re more than that.Those aren’t the real reasons.Yet, she’s giving him space. Even though she could push the physical side, she respects he’s not ready. He thinks of today’s note from Albie.See the best in people.Kirsten isn’t playing games like other women he’s known.I’m here when you’re ready. The question is, will he ever be? And if so, will she still be waiting?
‘By the way,’ Kirsten picks up the wine glasses, ‘did you post the letter to your donor’s family?’
‘Yes. I thought about what you said and sent it to the hospital. Hopefully they’ll pass it on. I want them to know her heart found a safe home.’
She huffs. ‘And you think you’re not a good person? Maybe instead of seeing the worst in yourself, you should try seeing the best.’
The little voice is quieter but nonetheless compelling.I agree.
As he follows Kirsten into the lounge, a photo of him accepting a Wimbledon trophy straightens on the wall from where it’s been hanging crooked and neglected. A whirl of sparkles sweep over it and the glass resumes its former shine.
CHAPTER 28
Gilly
Champion Someone and Share their News
Gilly found Kirsten kneeling on the grimy carpet in the front hallway of her cottage, scrubbing the walls with sugar-soap.
‘Can Wednesday Night Wine be earlier this week?’ Gilly asked, holding the bottle of prosecco and two plastic flutes aloft. ‘We can drink to your exciting news. Congratulations again.’
Kirsten sat back on her haunches. ‘Definitely! Thanks. I still can’t believe it.’ She’d texted earlier to share she’d been approached by a national bridal magazine to make a cake for inclusion in a wedding photoshoot at a stately home in Wiltshire. It was an amazing opportunity for lots of exposure.
‘Is Rosie with Harley?’ Gilly threw a checked picnic blanket onto the swirly carpet and sat down. Hard to believe she was the same uptight woman who used to need everything so pristine and controlled.
‘Yep.’ Her friend settled beside her, wiping her sweat-dampened forehead with a floral towel. ‘He overheard me tellingAlbie I need to get this done for the decorators tomorrow. I put her to bed but because she knows he’s babysitting, I’m sure she’ll get up and demand he watch something, or plait her hair.’
Gilly chuckled. ‘Seeing them together, I think he’ll cope, though I can’t imagine he knows how to do a proper fishtail plait.’
‘Me neither.’ Kirsten snorted. ‘You’re good with her too, you know. Thanks again for taking over grammar homework, you’re far better with both the subject matter and being patient. The other day, she told me she really likes you even though you’re a teacher and look bossy sometimes, before asking if you could come round more often. Think our weekly slot needs to start an hour earlier to incorporate Rosie time.’
‘High praise indeed.’ Grinning, Gilly opened the bubbly and poured them both a cup. As they tapped the rims together, she declared, ‘Cheers! Here’s to you and your continued success.’
‘Cheers. Here’s hoping.’ Kirsten took a few deep gulps. ‘So, are you going to be allowed to teach more? I know how much you enjoy it.’
‘Yes, good news on that front. It’s been agreed I can cover an English session three times a week around my headship commitments, although I’ll probably end up planning in my own time. I’m looking forward to it. There’s something so satisfying about helping children learn, and the idea you’re helping shape the minds of the next generation.’
Kirsten wrinkled her nose. ‘Sounds scary to me. Is that why you want children? You know they come out as beings who can’t walk or talk, right? Not fully functioning five-year-olds?’
Gilly put the plastic flute down. ‘Hmm. To be honest, I’ve never pinpointed it.’
‘Not everyone does.’ Kirsten sighed, drawing her knees up and putting her chin on them. ‘My husband certainly didn’t give it proper thought, and it was only when the sleepless nights,colic and expenses hit that the reality hit. Ha-ha, no wonder he bailed. I’m joking of course, because I love Rosie more than anything and wouldn’t be without her, but the baby years are incredibly tough. Are you and Ariel ready for all that? She seems free-spirited, and your job is so demanding… Parenting completely takes over your life. You have this new little person you can’t reason with, or satisfy a lot of the time, and they just cry or shout at you.’ Her gaze was mirthful, but there was a serious undertone to her words. ‘Sorry if I’m overstepping, and there’s nil judgment here, I’m just sharing my honest experience. I’m sure it’s different for everyone.’
Gilly laid a hand on her shoulder. ‘I appreciate it, and you’re not overstepping. The truth is, we’ve always been focused on trying to get pregnant, not what comes after. The only thing I’m sure of is not wanting to be pregnant myself, because I don’t want to take a year out from my career.’
‘You’re worried it would set you back? You know that’s sex discrimination?—’
‘No, because I’d miss it too much,’ Gilly replied instinctively.
‘Do you think it’s possible,’ Kirsten mused, ‘that you want a baby because society tells women it’s what they should want? Or, because Ariel wants one so much, and you’re trying to please her?’
