Sabina messaged saying hoped I got voicemail and to check out new Ed Sheeran song, because it’s good. Wish she was here for a hug. No, can’t take risk yet. Need to see what happens with court process, and police.
Checked watch. Was time to meet Albie. Stomach churned as went to collect post for first time in days, seeing a missive about kindness tribes pinned on noticeboard, before traipsing to library. Kept checking over shoulder, fists balled at my sides.
Albie waited with wide smile, eyes pleased. ‘Good morning, my dear. Thank you for the invite.’
‘Hi,’ I said, shy. ‘Thanks for coming.’
He gave a small courtly bow, forcing tiny laugh from me.
More relaxed, strode to double doors edged by heavy maroon curtains leading onto front terrace. Escape route established. Raised concrete dais outside overlooks green fields and eyesore buildings in village. With east and west wings fanning out either side, beautiful grand library is the heart of downstairs, dining room wedged in next to entrance hall, with study (spied elaborately detailed marble chimney-piece) and ballroom across the wide corridor.
Library smelt of fragrant lilacs, and sunlight shone through spotless windows. Room is grand, but somehow a cosy haven too.
Spent half hour with Albie, running fingers over bound book spines, exchanging information about reading, literature and previous journalistic career.
He asked how I got started and his blue eyes were so gentle, couldn’t help responding.
Kept respectful distance, putting me at ease, and felt undefinable awakening as described writing in secondary school then English degree. Mentioned favourite articles and fascinating subjects, responsibility to report news, working way up from intern to junior reporter on local paper, to assistant editor on regional newspaper. Spoke of colleagues and friends, and when Albie handed me lacy handkerchief and carefully patted my shoulder, realised tears rolling down my cheeks. Shocked to be crying in front of him, but better for the release.
Once I dried face, he asked why I love reading so much. Sniffed, ‘Because it offers an escape into other worlds. I enjoy getting pulled into someone else’s story, someone whose shoes I can stand in. I also adore the variety of characters, settings and dilemmas.’ Nodding, gathered speed, ‘So much in life feels out of control, but I canchoosewhether to enter a love story, mystery, or adventure of a lifetime. Best of all, when the emotions leap off the page and a passage resonates, it makes me feel like I’m not alone, because someone else feels the same.’ Voice dropped to a whisper. ‘It’s like the author’s reaching through the pages and touching my heart.’ Forgotten passion for reading coursed through veins, making me want to jump in car and find bookshop. Breathe in scent of printed pages. Loiter among the shelves. Listen to booksellers recommending paperbacks to customers. Leave with stack of new books.
Been a long time since had that desire. Weird, but good, sensation.
Albie got emotional, saying my answer was beautiful and should start writing again. Brushed him off, didn’t tell him about this notebook. It’s not really writing, more… spilling guts. Shudder as description too visceral. Needed to be alone then, and told Albie I was expecting a delivery.
‘That’s a shame, but thank you for sharing something you value with me. I enjoyed it.’
On short walk to flat, was thinkinghe’s right. Books and words are high value. We use them to explore and understand the world, our hopes and dreams, and each other.
When he mentioned Ethan, I immediately shut down, yanking on sleeves and wrapping arms round waist. Ethan is tall, broad-shouldered, blond hair, open face, annoyingly sunny disposition. Have always gone for dark, brooding types. Amnotentertaining any romantic ideas, just good to know so can avoid him.
‘He’ll be back soon,’ Albie said as we stopped outside my door. ‘We’ll need to talk our thoughts through with him. Which reminds me.’ Produced small index card from pocket of disgusting mustard cardigan.
Was an invite to walking meeting to look at cottages. Still don’t see point. Can’t get excited about spending time, energy, money on rebuilding something in such a sorry state. Can barely muster energy to bind pieces of myself together. ‘Maybe next time.’ Easier to fob off than refuse altogether. Paused. ‘Why do you think Ethan wants to help?’
Albie pursed his lips. ‘Because he oversaw the manor conversion, and loves his job? I wouldn’t be surprised if he joins in with the physical work too. He told me he likes fixing things.’ Paused, studying me. ‘He’s very nice, you know.’
Chewed lip, uneasy. ‘Irrelevant. Some things can’t be fixed.’
‘But some can. I’m anticipating he’ll be here a lot.’ Raised eyebrows. ‘He likes you.’
No.Wrapped arms around stomach, squeezing tight. ‘He’s onto a loser there. Besides, you never know what someone’s like until you see the worst of them.’
‘Or when you need support, and you see the best.’ His voice was gentle. ‘Speaking of, I need assistance on my walk tomorrow. Accompany me, in case my knees give me trouble, or I run out of puff? There are lovely views and paths around here. I think you’d enjoy them.’ Pulled a beseeching face, peering at me. ‘I’d very much appreciate it. And we can talk about your favourite book.’
‘Too many to whittle down to one. But okay.’ Reluctant at thought of leaving manor, but excited about talking books again. Oddly, also don’t want to upset him.
‘Marvellous, see you here at 8.30 a.m.’
‘Half eight?’ Groaned.
‘Dear girl, I get up much earlier to see the sun rise over the hills, and you’re missing a special part of the day if you don’t watch the world awaken and hear the dawn chorus.’
‘Whatever. Just don’t expect me to be perky and chatty.’
‘Are you perky at any time?’ He quipped, before ambling along hallway to his door. Cheekiness had me snorting as I went into my flat.
Big part of me wants to stay inside hidden away, but another part’s pulling me in direction of fields, trees, sunshine and flowers (a novelty after living in a city) and an old man with kind blue eyes. Besides, what’s worst thing that can happen on walk?
