“I don’t know much about parenting.” I pause, sliding burgers onto the open buns on the plates. “Hell, I don’t know jack shit about parenting, actually, but I’d imagine the fact that she’s clean, fed, and has a roof over her head has to count for something, Theo.”
“Lots of kids are clean, fed, and have roofs over their heads and still end up fucked up,” he grumbles, placing a cheese-covered patty on a plate and cutting it into small pieces.
“We’re all a little fucked up,” I tell him with a shrug, and I don’t think it was the right thing to say because he glares at me, but hell, I don’t know how to console someone with parenting woes. He should be going to talk to Mama or something.
“Look at us. We had fantastic parents, and still, I’m a controlling bastard, Colt can’t grow up, Bailey’s never gotten over Chase, Kendall’s a perfectionist, and Tate’s…” I hesitate, not quite sure where to start with Tate. “Tate’s blind to shit that’s right in front of her.”
“You skipped Jamie.”
“I sorta figured his fatal flaw was pretty obvious.” He looks up at me. “He’s friends with you, isn’t he?”
THIRTY-FIVE
MADDOX
Kendall reachesout for one of the plates when I walk back out to the bonfire. I pull it back, handing it to Austin instead, followed by a Cold Smoke. Her lips twist, but that’s all the thanks I get.
Mine twist because it’s all the thanks I wanted. I take a seat in the grass at Austin’s feet, leaning back against her legs since Kenny’s taking up the other side of the log. There’s a spot on the other side of the fire next to Bailey, but I’d rather sit in the dirt than not sit next to Austin, and isn’t that just pathetic?
“Where’s Theo?” my sister asks, eyes squinting through to smoke in the direction of Jameson’s house.
“Wallowing in self-pity,” I tell her through a full mouth, trying to balance my plate on my knee so I can pop the tab on my beer. Austin’s hand comes down over my shoulder, her nail slipping beneath the tab easily for me. Once I’ve got my food washed down, I thank her.
“And you just left him in there to deal with it?” Kenny asks incredulously, standing.
“Of course not. I told him he wasn’t a shitty dad, but did have shitty taste in best friends.”
She narrows her eyes at me and turns on her heel, stompingtoward Jameson’s. I look at the empty spot she left behind on the log for a second before deciding I’m content where I am. Austin rests her plate on top of my head, so I figure she’s content with me here too.
“Not gonna say hey to me, big bro?”
Colt plops down in the spot Kendall vacated, making the log roll just enough to jostle Austin and I. “Colt!” she growls, and I knock over my beer when I grab her ankle, as though that would’ve fucking helped anything.
He laughs, kicking the can away from his boots before it can get beer all over them. “Sorry, Aus. Didn’t mean to break up the love fest.”
When Austin rights herself, she’s put a bit more distance between herself and my brother which has me sitting at an awkward angle. I sit up and snatch his beer out of his hand, re-aligning my back with her legs and sniffing the can’s opening before taking a swig. Finding out the can you’re taking a sip from isn’t the drink you think it is, but someone’s yuck cup instead, isn’t something you let happen twice.
Colt winks at me. “Don’t get your hopes up, bro. I didn’t quit dipping, just don’t have any on me right now. Didn’t feel like stopping to replenish.”
“I don’t sit around hoping you’ll get your shit together anymore, Colt. Got better things to do with my day,” I lie. Not about having better things to do, because I definitely do have a mile-long list of stuff I prefer doing over keeping tabs on my youngest brother, but I am still hoping he’ll get it together soon.
Smoking, dipping, it all seems so stupid to me now. I quit that shit the second Dad was diagnosed with cancer, and Colt had taken it all up the day he died.
To make it clear he’s ignoring me, he puts a cigarette between his lips and leans over toward Austin. “Got a light, babe?”
“There’s a really big one right in front of you. Be sure to get extra close,” she tells him, voice saccharine. I snort, but unfortunately, so does he.
Colt’s beer was nearly empty when I stole it, so I toss the can at his feet, immaturely happy when some splashes onto his Luccheses. He doesn’t even notice, turning to yell out a greeting at Tyler, who’s just walked through the gate in the fences between the ranch and his backyard.
My half-eaten burger sits in my lap. I can’t eat without something to drink, but I don’t want to get up to get another beer and leave Colt here. I know it’s stupid. I know it’s beyond stupid.
It’s not that I don’t trust Austin, or that she’s even mine to get jealous over. It’s just that I’m working my ass off to get past Austin’s walls, trying so damn hard to get her to at least consider something long term with me, and I’ve got this irrational fear that Colt’s gonna be able to sweep her right out from under me somehow. They’ve got a lot more in common than she and I do and they’re a hell of a lot closer in age. They even seem to have the same sense of humor—her with her funny T-shirts and him with his quirky caps.
“Quit it,” Austin says just barely loud enough for me to hear, passing her beer over my shoulder. It’s open but still full. I lean my head back and she spreads her legs open a bit so I can lay it against her thigh and look up at her. Her fingers card through my hair, nails scratching at my scalp while I close my eyes, contemplating never wearing another hat again so she can do this any time the urge strikes her.
“Quit what?”
“You know what.”
