I spent my time split between desperately wanting to mean something to Maddox and praying I never would so there wasn’t anything keeping me tied to Cedar Creek.
“Who takes care of you, Maddox?” I ask him quietly.
His brows furrow as he turns his head to look at me. “What?”
“You take care of everyone tirelessly—I bet in ways they don’t know about—but who’s taking care of you?”
He turns his attention back to the heifer, dismissing my question before he even lets himself consider it. “I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I’m a grown man.”
“So are Jamie and Colt, but that doesn't stop you from taking care of them.”
“Calling Colton a grown man is like calling Callie a teenager,” he grumbles with a snort.
“Aw, come on, now. He’s not that bad.” The night is so peaceful and the last thing I want to do right now is argue, so I let him change the subject if that’s what makes him most comfortable.
After a few minutes of silence, when I’ve just about decided that quiet companionship is all I’ll get from him tonight, Maddox’s gruff voice pulls my attention back to him.
“You know we can’t even tell Mama the PBR schedule anymore? I have to watch Colt’s rides on TV for her and then text her when his boots touch the dirt. When she knew the schedule, she’d spend all day with her head in the toilet, sick with worry.”
“I think that’s probably a normal side effect of her grief over your dad. She’s scared to lose someone else and Colt’s the easiesttarget of that anxiety because he’s the furthest away and has a dangerous job. You can’t blame Colt for that.”
“I do, though. I know it’s not fair, but when I was his age, I was already running this ranch and had more responsibility than I knew what to do with. He’s just out on the road, fucking every man or woman that looks his way and stressing out Mama,” he says, eyes fixed on the heifer even though mine are locked on him.
I can’t blame him for it. Eye contact makes me feel vulnerable too.
“Does he know it upsets her?”
Maddox stays quiet, which tells me it’s never been brought up. Maybe Maddox doesn’t want to make his brother feel guilty. Maybe he knows if Colt knew, he’d come home, and then Maddox wouldn’t have a punching bag for all the resentment he held about being stuck with the ranch.
Or maybe he didn’t want Colt to feel stuck too.
I yawn, despite my earlier certainty that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again.
“You should go back inside,” Maddox says again, gruffer this time. A command instead of a suggestion. I ignore him, leaning my head against his shoulder instead. He stiffens a little, just for a second.
“Wake me up if Betsy starts to have her calf,” I tell him, my eyes slipping closed.
I barely hear his snort.
FOURTEEN
MADDOX
Betsy is officiallymy favorite cow on this whole goddamn ranch. She didn’t end up having her calf last night, but after a quick check-up this morning, I feel less guilty about thanking her for staying pregnant another day and allowing me to spend a night in the cold, on the floor of the barn, with Austin Taylor curled up against my side.
I have to remind myself—several times—how stupid it would be to get involved with her, but dammit if I’m not lonely as hell. I ignored her when she brought up someone taking care of me, but it echoed things I’d been thinking about for a while now.
I hadn’t been with a woman in a year or more now, maybe even two. Mama was too nosey when I had a woman over at my cabin, and leaving the ranch to spend the night somewhere else wasn’t an option. I’d worry myself sick all night over the thought that something would go wrong here while I was gone.
It’d be nice to have someone though, I think. Not that it was a woman’s job to take care of me, or any other man, for that matter. It’d just be nice to maybe one day have what Mama and Dad had, to take care of someone who took care of me in return.
Now, was Austin Taylor the one who would give me that? I don’t know, but I shouldn’t want to find out so damn bad.
She reminded me of a wild mustang in a lot of ways, unable to be tamed. Her walls were high, and she hid that by flirting or becoming defensive, like she had the other night at the bar when I said I wouldn’t sleep with her. Christ, was that really only a couple of days ago?
This morning, she’d been jumpy, too. Like she was one foot out the door. As soon as daylight broke, her internal clock had woken her. She’d stammered out a goodbye and dashed out to her old pickup, the engine drowning me out as I was telling her to go back up to the Big House for breakfast.
Austin had somehow made her way onto the list of people I’d found myself wanting to take care of. She’d sooner chop my dick off than let me, though.
