Instead, I lean forward, hands gripping the seat of the swing on either side of my thighs. “Not yet, no.”
He chuckles and it makes my stomach twist to think this is easy for him. Maybe it’s easy because he doesn’t care? Maybe it doesn’t hurt him to sit like this and remember what we were like before? “She’s gonna be pissed that I got the first visit.”
My lips twist. He’s not wrong. “She’ll get over it. Especially when she realizes she gets to introduce me to Blair.”
The jealousy must be evident in my voice because he chuckles again, quieter this time. It’s not like I left Cedar Creek and thought Kenny wouldn’t ever find another best friend. Of course I knew she would. But I wassotired of hearing about ‘Blair this’ and ‘Blair that’ during our weekly phone calls when the only two people I wanted to hear about were her and her brother.
Granted, I hadn’t exactly had much to talk about on my end of things. I traveled a bit, and at first, it was really freeing. Once I healed, I mostly stopped getting motels, preferring to find places to park my truck and sleep under the stars. It wasn’t exactly the safest plan, but I wanted to spend as little of the money I had as possible.
I didn’t realize why at first.
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re definitely a sight for sore eyes after a long day of working, but what’re you doing here, Tex?” Maddox asks quietly.
Now or never, I guess.
I sit back, turning toward him. I don’t know where I expected him to be looking, but his eyes are already locked with mine once I finally look back, and it punches the air from my lungs. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
His brows twitch toward a furrow before he schools them, a small, sad smile gracing his lips instead. “Nothing to be sorry for, Tex.”
God, he feels a million miles away. Right next to me, merely inches between us, but further away than he’s ever been before. He’s so closed off, and a voice in my head tells me this is probably how he felt throughout our entire relationship when I pushed him away, insisting we were nothing.
“There’s a lot to be sorry for,” I argue, angling my body toward him. “And I’m sorry for every bit of it. I’m sorry I pushed you away and I’m sorry I was always so mean. I’m sorry I kept minimizing what we were to one another. I’m sorry I leftwithout saying goodbye. I’m sorry I sold your bar to Chase fucking Cartwright.”
His lips twitch at that, at least. “That might just be the only unforgivable thing you did, actually,” he says, reaching up to wipe the tear from my cheek. I can’t help but laugh along with him, leaning into his hand. Fuck, I’ve missed him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how much I love you, that I let you say it and didn’t let you hear it back.” My voice is so wobbly and pathetic, it’s a surprise he’s even able to make out what I’m saying.
But I can tell he does. I see the way it hits him, hear the way it knocks his breath out of his lungs. His lips part and I have no clue what he’s going to say or even if I want to hear it. I’m terrified he’s going to reject me and it’ll be my own goddamn fault for making him wait.
“I get it if you don’t want to try again, but I just thought you deserved to be the first to know that I’m done running and that I love you, Maddox.”
My eyes fall from his and I take his hand from my cheek with both of mine, pressing a kiss to his knuckles before setting it down on his thigh. I’m halfway across the front yard, hiding the tears streaming down my cheeks behind curtains of my hair as though the cows several feet away are going to gossip about them.
“If you’re so done with running, why am I watching your pretty ass walk away from me again?”
I stop, the sound of his boots clicking against the porch steps behind me, making hope stir inside of me that I don’t want to trust. A few short seconds later, I feel the heat of his body behind mine. “Turn around, Tex.”
I’m slow to obey, partially because there’s no way for me to surreptitiously wipe my face before I do and because there’s still a part of me that rebels against his commands. He’s smirking like he can read my mind, cupping my face and thumbing awaymy tears again. “Good girl. Now, do like I taught you and tell me what you want.”
Obeying isn’t hard this time. It’s much easier than putting myself out there of my own accord, at least. “I want to be in a relationship,” I tell him, voice a little smaller than I appreciate. “And I want to move back in with you.”
He grins. “Is that all?”
I can’t help but mirror it. “Well, I’d like my bar back, if Cartwright will sell it back to me. I’ve still got most of the money.”
“Bar’s yours,” he promises. “Anything else before I pick you up and lock you in my bedroom for the next several years?”
He growls as I pretend to think about it, tilting my head and tapping my chin. “Brat.”
“Mustache rides,” I finally settle on. “And I think we should fuck on the bar to christen it.”
“That doesn’t sound very sanitary,” he jokes, pressing his lips against mine before I can retort. His mustache tickles my nose, and it breaks my heart a little that my body’s already become unfamiliar with him enough that it’ll have to become desensitized to things like this again, but I look forward to making that happen.
He breaks the kiss and I immediately grin. “And I don’t really need a big wedding, but I do think we need to invite DamnDan and BigDaddy69, considering?—”
I cut off with a squeal as he bends down and tosses me over his shoulder. Thank god my ribs are fully healed because I sure as shit missed being manhandled like this. He stomps up the steps and I reach down to grope his ass, giggling when he slaps mine in response.
“Ooh, and you should join my cam show one night. I think the subscribers would really like that.”
