“I said he’s going to kill me.”
“No, the first part.”
“You caught that, did you?” He sighs, brushing back a piece of my hair as I nod slightly.
Taking my hand, he places it over his heart.
“There have been only two women in my life that I’ve loved. When one was taken from me, I closed myself off to the other,” he swallows thickly as emotions rise to the surface. “I kept them both with me, though, as a reminder that there is still good in this world.”
Taking my fingers, he brushes them across the ink over his heart.
“What do you see?” He asks softly.
Looking closer, I trace the image of the storm raging on the ocean—the white tips of the waves crashing violently against one another in a fight to survive. I trace the dark clouds above descending with an ominous threat about them.
I’ve seen him shirtless before and knew this storm took up most of his left side, extending from his shoulder to over his heart and down his arm. I’ve never been able to really study it, though, as I see the slight break in the looming shadows of the clouds.
Two small beams of light touch his heart, and that’s where I see it. A small script of letters woven into the ocean’s turmoil, where the light kisses it.
Sunshineis written in cursive, blending so well into the beams of light that it’s no wonder I’ve never noticed it.
“Knox,” I whisper, looking up at him as he shows me everything he’s been denying and hiding in his blue eyes.
“I’ve always loved you, sunshine,” he admits softly. “You’ve been a constant source of light for me since the day I met you with that scraggily cat in your arms,” he chuckles quietly as the memory resurfaces.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask as my eyes fill with tears.
“You were my light, but you were also my one-way ticket to hell.”
“I don’t understand.” I shake my head as I wrestle with what that means.
“The only thing that kept me going when I lost my mom was hockey. I poured all my emotions into the game, and it’s the one thing that kept my head above water. When I met you, a piece of me I had buried deep broke through, and I was addicted to that feeling. All I wanted to do was protect you and make sure you always had that light I saw every time I looked at you.”
He runs a hand through his hair as he stares at the wall, deep in thought.
“And then it was taken. Just like that, your light dimmed, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. As you got older, my feelings became more intense. I became angry because I wanted you so much and knew I should never touch you.”
His eyes meet mine, and I see the desperation in them.
“I didn’t grow up in love, Savi. When you don’t receive it, you don’t feel you’re worthy of giving it either. I stuffed it down where I didn’t have to deal with it because I knew without a shred of doubt that if I let you in and lost you, not even hockey would save me this time. Losing you would bring me under for good, and I would gladly let it swallow me up whole without a single fight.”
“You’re never going to lose me,” I whisper, blinking back the tears at his pain.
“You can’t promise that,” he says, shaking his head.
“Nobody knows what the future holds, but living a life without love isn’t living at all. It’s breathing just to exist when you should love so deeply that it’s the reason for your existence.”
“Loving you is terrifying,” he says quietly, cupping my face and bringing his nose close to mine. “But it’s also something I can no longer deny. I may never feel like I deserve your love, but I’m going to make damn sure you feel mine every single day you’ll have me.”
“I will always have you,” I smile, feeling his love wrap around me that I’ve always prayed would finally break through. “Say it again,” I whisper.
“I love you, sunshine. God help you, but I do,” he smiles.
“God, help us both,” I chuckle softly, “because I love you just as much.”
His lips touch mine, and for the first time in my life, I’m thankful for what happened in my past because everything led me here…to this moment.
I’m exactly where I was always meant to be.
