I hearhim walk in a couple of minutes after me as I sit on my bed and remove my black high-heeled shoes. My head is spinning from this man, and I’m torn just like I always am when he’s near me. Anger and lust always fighting a battle inside me, not knowing which one will end up consuming me.
He stops in my doorway, filling it with his large frame as I unbuckle my last strap on my shoe and slide out of it. If he wants a conversation, he’s going to have to start it because my brain hurts from trying to figure him out.
“I’m sorry I kissed you. That was selfish of me, and it won’t happen again.”
That was not what I was expecting and only fuels my anger toward him.
“Fine,” I bite back. “No more kissing. Got it.”
I walk over to my dresser and remove my jewelry.
“I’m just trying to do what’s right here,” he sighs. “I wish you would understand that I’m trying to stay away to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what…you?” I scoff. “That’s a coward’s excuse, and you know it. Tell me the real reason you don’t want to touch me again and not just something you tell yourself to justify your actions because we both know damn well what that kiss felt like.”
I’ve waited my whole life to feel what I felt in those two minutes when his lips were on mine. This isn’t some childhood crush come to life. It was as if everything we’d been through had led up to that moment. The part of him that he tries so hard to hide came through. I felt the real him, and I knew it scared the hell out of him as soon as I saw his walls go back up.
When I stormed away, I ran into Colton, and he could tell I was upset. He talked me into going back to their table, knowing I needed some laughs and a distraction.
Jett did his best to cheer me up, and it worked. Neither of them pried, but I’m pretty sure they aren’t buying the little sister act. I could tell they were having fun pushing Knox’s buttons, and I’m surprised he didn’t storm over as soon as he saw me at their table. If I know the girls, they told him to stay put. They probably enjoyed watching him squirm in his seat almost as much as I did every time I felt his eyes on me.
I feel them on me now as my eyes lift to his, and I wish I hadn’t. He’s fighting so hard between what his mind is shouting at him and what his heart is whispering. It’s a struggle I’ve dealt with my whole life, and I see it clear as day in the emotions that are clashing against each other on his face before he quickly walks away, so I don’t see any more.
I follow him into the kitchen, and his hands are gripping the sides of the counter with his head bowed.
“Knox,” I say painfully, as all my anger from earlier is quickly replaced with a deep sorrow for the man before me.
“Don’t. Just…just let me get this out first.”
I remain quiet and walk over to the barstool to sit down. The need to wrap my arms around him and take in some of that pain I feel seeping out of him is almost more than I can bear as I clasp my hands together and fight the urge.
“My childhood was hell,” he says, finally speaking. “I’ve talked to Miles about my past, but not even he knows how bad it was. Unless you were there, you can’t imagine what it was like. I’ve carried it all my life, and it shaped me into the person I am now. I don’t do feelings, and I sure as hell don’t let anyone I care about get close enough to get hurt by me.”
“I knew you had a rough childhood, but Miles would never tell me any details,” I say softly, my heart breaking for the younger Knox.
“I asked him not to tell you. You don’t need the darkness I carry to seep into your light, Savi,” he shakes his head sadly. “Because of me, I lost the one person in this world who ever truly loved me. I won’t be selfish again and destroy you, too.”
“Your mom?” I ask. From what little information I have, I do know his mom died when he was young.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he says, standing up and raking a hand through his hair, clearly not wanting to talk about it now. “The point is, you need to stay away from me because I can’t seem to have the willpower to do the same for you. This housing arrangement isn’t going to work, and it was stupid of me to even think it would. I’ll look for a place to rent tomorrow and be out this week.”
He walks to the patio doors and disappears outside before I can even form a thought about what just happened. I see his light turn on in the guesthouse, and my mind is reeling from what he said.
It’s obvious he cares for me and, in his own twisted way, he truly believes he’s doing what’s best for me by staying away. Butwhat if what’s best for me is right outside my door, a mere fifty feet away?
And what about him? I know he’s afraid to open up the part of him that’s been closed off for years. He thinks he will only bring me pain, but the only pain I care about is his, and how I want to take some of it away.
I get up without giving it another thought as I walk outside and head to his place. Without knowing how, I know Knox needs me right now just as much as I need him.
Knocking softly on his door, he opens it a few seconds later. He doesn’t seem surprised I’m here, just defeated as we both stand there with our eyes locked.
His hair is disheveled, the golden ends being pulled through his fingers by tormented thoughts. Barefoot and shirtless now, wearing only his dark slacks, makes the ink on his chest and arms seem even more formidable. Even in his darkest moments, he’s still the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.
“There’s just one problem with you leaving,” I say, pushing my way past him as he steps aside. I hear the door close behind me, and suddenly, the room feels too small to contain the intense energy swirling around us.
Turning to face him, his eyes have my heart racing as I glimpse the longing still mixed with a touch of uncertainty in his eyes.
“And what would that problem be?”
