“Telling my family wouldn’t have changed a thing,” she quickly shakes her head. “He died that night and got his punishment. All it would have done was destroy my parents, and my brothers would have blamed themselves somehow. It would have ruined them. I just wanted it all to go away,” she whispers.
“And did it, Savi? Did it all just go away for you? Because I can tell you right now, it didn’t for me. This secret has eaten me alive for eleven fucking years. I downplayed the whole thing to my best friend because you asked me to. Your brothers think I’m some fucking hero who saved their sister when all I did was help you hide the blood,” I choke out.
“Knox, don’t,” she cries.
“Don’t what? Tell you the fucking truth because it hurts too much?” Now that the pain finally breaks the surface, I can’t control it as years of anguish come pouring out. “Every time I’m on the ice, it’s his face that I see as my fists slam into an opponent. Not even my father’s face haunts me anymore compared to the rage I still feel for the one who hurt you.”
“You think you’re the only one who feels rage?” She scrambles off the bed to get it in my face. “I was raped, Knox. He took something from me that I will never get back. I lost a part of myself that day that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back.” Her fists are clenched at her sides as blue eyes blaze with fire. “All I want to do is erase the feel of his hands on me…erase how he felt inside me. I just…I want to be set free from him. If you truly want to help me like you said you do, then make me forget. Show me how it should be.”
She places her hand on my chest again, and I close my eyes so I don’t have to see what I know I don’t deserve in her gaze.
When I open them again and see traces of pain still there, I feel myself start to cave. All I want to do is make her happy. I may go to hell for touching something so pure, but I’ll gladly let my flesh burn if it means erasing him once and for all from her body.
“There are rules,” I say quietly, stepping closer as I finally give in to her.
“Okay,” she whispers, nodding her head.
“We go at my speed. I need to know you are ready and truly want this, or I’m out.”
“We can go slow,” she agrees, as her eyes slowly get their light back, as the pain from earlier is replaced with a touch of excitement when she realizes she’s getting her way. I would be lying, though, if I didn’t want this just as much. I just hope Miles will forgive me one day if he ever finds out I slept with his sister.
“One last thing.” I brace myself as I force the words out past the fear I have of ruining her. “You can’t get attached to me, Savi. I will help you get over your fears, and you can use me while I’m here however you want, but I can’t give you more than that. Once you are free, we go back to how things were before, and you find someone who can love you the way you deserve.”
She chews on her bottom lip, and I already start to question my sanity as I watch those gorgeous lips stretch into a grin.
“Deal. So what’s next?” Her bright blue eyes look way too eager for my liking. I need to make sure she’s ready and not all talk, or I won’t feel right about this.
“Now we sleep.” I walk around her and start unbuttoning my shirt before throwing it on the chair by her bed.
“Sleep?” Her eyes take in my bare chest, and I can’t help but chuckle at her disappointed look as I sit down on the edge of the mattress and take off my shoes and socks.
“Yeah. You know, when you lie down and close your eyes.”
“I know what sleep is,” she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m just surprised that’s all you want to do.”
“Oh, I definitely want to do more.” I unbuckle my pants and remove them so I’m only in black boxer briefs. Usually, I sleep naked, but there’s no way in hell I’ll take things slow if any part of her touches my bare dick. I’m already hard just from the way she is looking at me now.
“Eyes up here, sunshine.” They instantly blink up to mine. “I want you to be comfortable with my body next to yours, so we sleep tonight. Besides, you’ve had a rough night and need a good night’s sleep. I’ll stay awake and keep the monsters away.”
I get into bed, and she slides in next to me. She’s curled on her side facing me, and I can feel her eyes on me with this hesitation in the air before she breaks the silence.
“Who’syourmonster?” Her soft voice pierces through the darkness, touching places I buried long ago. I should have known she would see past the anger I always carry to mask the pain I hide.
I stare up at the ceiling as the moonlight filters in, casting light onto the dark shadows in the room.
“My dad,” I say quietly, his name coming out before I can stop it.
“Maybe one day I can keep your monster away, too.” Her voice sounds sleepy as she scoots closer and lays her head on my chest. This intimacy is foreign to me as I struggle to keep my walls up and make sense of what I’m feeling. My arm finally goes around her, and I hear her sigh as she burrows further into me.
I’m relieved when she doesn’t press me for more information about my past. I’m not ready to reveal that part of me to her, and I may never be ready. I’m not about to bring her anymore darkness to hold on to. She’s had enough of her own already. She doesn’t need mine too.
Her breathing evens out minutes later, letting me know she’s asleep. Her body against mine sends a wave of calmness through me I’ve never felt before. I’m usually tossing and turning all night, but it doesn’t take long before my eyelids start to get heavy. I join her in a deep, peaceful sleep, and, for once, the dark shadows don’t come out to play.
TEN
SAVI
Burrowing further into the covers,I haven’t felt this much at peace in years. Sometime in the middle of the night, we became inseparable, wrapped up in each other’s arms in a warm cocoon.
