Fuck yes. Count me in.
Sarah
You know you literally live next door, right? You can walk home.
Maya
Why would I go home when four-fifths of my favorite people are having a sleepover right next door to my house? Besides, I’m still trying to erase last night’s date from hell from my memory, so I need so much tequila. For sure too much to walk in the straight line required to get home.
I laugh again, dunking another chip in queso. Despite her wild-child nature, Maya is an unrepentant romantic at heart and goes into every single date thinking she’s about to meet the love of her life. She’s remarkably upbeat every time she realizes her current internet date is not, in fact, her happy ever after, but she’s been my best friend long enough that I know it wears on her.
Me
I think Tyler, Oliver, and Jack would be hurt to know you’re not including them in your list of most favorite people.
Maya
They’ll have to get over it. I’m feeling stabby about the male gender as a whole tonight.
Emmy
Internet dating will do that to you.
Caitlin
None of those assholes are worth your time. You are way too amazing for internet dating.
Maya
Don’t I know it.
Sophie
Maybe we should all move in together and swear off men because, fuck the patriarchy. We don’t need men. We can be like The Golden Girls.
Me
I hate to break it to you, Soph, but The Golden Girls all had men in their lives. They had a ridiculous amount of sex.
Emmy
Fuck, I miss sex. It’s been too long.
Sarah
Seriously, same. Med school is really killing my vibe. I’m either too busy or too tired, and every guy is an aspiring ortho-bro or wants to go into plastics because, boobs, and I just don’t have time for that kind of assholery in my life, you know?
Maya
God, I so completely know. I think the only one of us who doesn’t know is the one currently sprawled on a hotel rooftop eating her weight in queso.
Me
Wait, what did I do?
Sarah
Three weeks ago, you fucked a hot football player for, like, six straight hours. Did you forget?
