“Better now.” I lean back, soaking in the comforting warmth of his arms that, since I was seven, have meant home to me. “It was a long fucking week.”
“Saw you on TV on Sunday,” he says with a smile. “I didn’t know you would be on the sidelines.”
“Fuck yeah, we did!” Sarah hoots from her spot on the floor.
Maya leans over and bumps her shoulder with mine. “Our girl with her prime-time debut. I had a serious proud friend moment.”
“You?” Tyler asks. “What about me? I got to watch my girl on the sidelines in person. Talk about a proud friend moment.”
I roll my eyes at all of them. “It was a one o’clock game. Hardly prime time. Also, the second I showed up on TV, everyone in this room blew up my phone like I was just nominated for an Academy Award or something, so don’t act like this is the first time we’re talking about it.”
“We’re proud of you, Little Red,” my dad says, kissing my cheek and standing. “You worked really hard for this. I remember when you were twelve and you told me you wanted to be a sports psychologist. Now you’re doing it, and it’s a big fucking deal.”
My dad’s voice has an undercurrent of emotion, and while no one else probably hears it, I do. His hockey career ended far too soon when a terrible injury forced him into early retirement. I was with him when he stepped back onto the ice for the first time after fifteen years away from it, and watching him rediscover the thing he loves most made me want to do what I do. To make sure that professional athletes never lose the thing thatmakes them happiest, even if they have to find a different way to do the thing.
“A huge fucking deal.” Rachel flashes me a wide grin, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners the way they do every time she looks at one of us.
Her family.
While my parents were the first people to teach me what it means to have a home, Rachel was the first person to show me what family can look like. What it means to have a whole group of people who love you unconditionally and show up for you no matter what. And because neither of my parents had that growing up either, in a way, the three of us learned together. She might not be my grandmother by blood, but she is in every way that matters, and in this family, that’s what counts.
“Such a huge deal that we’re going to sit here right now while you tell us all about it. Except you.” She points at my dad. “There’s a kitchen over there calling your name, Jer, so get to it.”
“I’ll help!” Oliver says, jumping up from his chair.
“Good man.” My dad tosses an arm around his shoulders. “And don’t think I didn’t hear you say that my tacos are almost as good as Maddy’s, Maya Casey. Those are fighting words, especially considering I’m the one who taught her how to make tacos in the first place.”
Maya shrugs, giving my dad a sly smile. “I said what I said.”
My dad laughs and turns to head into the kitchen. “We’ll just see about that.”
As eight different conversations start at once, and the sounds of cooking drift out of the kitchen, my brain turns to the exact place it’s been on and off for the last week. The place I absolutely don’t want it to be. Or maybe I do? I don’t even know anymore.
My brain turns to Cam.
To the ease about him when he was with his kids.
The loneliness I saw in him during that first night.
I wonder whether he has people the way I do. And if he doesn’t, whether he wants them.
I wonder how he spends his nights after his kids go to bed. Whether he’s lonely because he’s actually alone.
I wonder how he might fit in with this group. With me. How we would be outside a hotel room or the confines of the stadium.
And despite the fact that those are the exact thoughts I absolutely cannot have, my brain won’t let them go. So just this once, with my favorite people sprawled around me, in one of my safest places, I let my mind run wild.
And I really, really like what I see.
CHAPTER SEVEN
CAM
Fam Jam
Ethan has changed the name of the group chat to Fam Jam
Riley
