Who has made me feel, for the first time in a decade, like I’m not doing everything all on my own. Like I could have a partner in life and a partner in parenting and a person who I know without one single doubt is the other half of me.
Who should be on this field right now, telling me to get my head in the game and ribbing Tyler for being an overconfident asshole and yelling at Drew for his stupidly over the top end zone celebration after he scored.
I miss her so much it’s literally painful, and I could not give one single shit about this game, AFC Championship or not. All I care about is that it ends so I can go get my girl. It’s almost halftime, but the two quarters we still have left to play feel like a fucking eternity.
The stadium erupts as Boston goes three and out, and I stand with a sigh, ready to take the field. My chest aches, and six sleepless nights in a row are taking their toll. I’m exhausted down to my bones. When Boston calls a time out just before we kick off, I’m grateful for the extra couple minutes to get my shit together.
“It’ll be okay, you know,” Tyler says quietly. “Oliver told me he and their parents and the girls were all going over to talk toMaddy. Brian and Liv too. Whatever is going on with her, they’ll fix it. Emma is, like, practically magic. Caitlin too.”
“I know. He texted me. But what if…” My voice catches, and I swallow hard as the thought I’ve kept shoved into a deep dark corner of my brain under lock and key for the last six days finally breaks free and comes spilling out of my mouth at the worst possible moment, my voice rough, the words sharp-edged and excruciating. “What if they can’t reach her? What if I can’t? What if I lose her?”
Like I lost Lainey.
It’s the thing I don’t say. My deepest, keep-me-awake-at-three-in-the-morning fear. I’ve already lost one love of my life. I’m afraid I won’t survive losing another. Won’t have the resilience to pick myself up if Maddy is alive and well but unreachable to me.
“You won’t,” Drew says confidently, coming up on my other side and laying a hand on my shoulder. “You couldn’t. The way you and Maddy love each other…” He shakes his head. “That’s not going away. You guys are endgame. You’ll figure it out. I swear you will.”
“He’s right,” Tyler says, tossing an arm around me. “I’ve known Maddy my whole life, and I’ve never seen her like this with anyone else. Just you. She’s yours, dude. I know it for sure. She’ll be back. Let’s win this fucking game so you can go get her.”
I take a heavy breath in and exhale slowly, trying to get my head in the game, my friends’ words, their solid presence, easing some of the tension in my muscles, the ache in my chest.
“Ready?” Drew asks, bumping my shoulder with his as the kickoff unit trots off the field.
I nod. “Ready.”
“Cameron!”
As I walk towards the huddle for the last few plays of the half, I hear what sounds like someone yelling my name in the distance. Well used to the enthusiasm of fans after all these yearsin the league, I ignore it, but then I hear it again and again. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, my stomach swooping as I register the word.
Not the name everyone calls me.
My full name. The one used by only one single person.
Maddy.
“Ho-ly shit.” Tyler’s voice is filled with glee as I whip around, my eyes frantically scanning the sidelines.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
MADDY
“Football is such a stupid game,” I mutter. I bounce on my toes as I watch the clock from my place at the end of the tunnel leading out onto the field, plucking nervously at the bottom of the jersey I’m wearing. Cam’s jersey. Because I’m about to go run onto a football field and profess my soul-deep love for him in front of an entire stadium of Renegades fans. Well, at least the ones who stay in their seats during halftime.
Holy shit.
I mentally curse my friends for this harebrained scheme. When they told me about it, I thought it sounded like the greatest idea anyone ever had, with one small addition. I picked up Riley and Ethan, who were at the game with Lisa, from their seats in the stands and brought them down to the tunnel with me. Because this isn’t just about Cam and me. This is about them too, and they deserve to be here for it.
If this half would ever fucking end.
We’re all standing here in the tunnel, clad in matching Lowry jerseys, and I am Harry Burns, sprinting through Manhattan,trying to get to Sally before the clock strikes midnight because I want the rest of my life to start as soon as possible.
Except I’m wildly jealous of Harry because at least he got forward motion. I’m frozen in place because Boston just took a time out right before what will probably be the last kickoff of the half, and the clock stops, once again, on what is clearly the slowest quarter of all time. “Why the fuck is this taking so long?” I mumble.
“Boston took the time out right before kickoff to try and rattle us. To swing momentum back to them for the last few plays of the half.”
I give Riley a bland look, and she just shrugs and grins. “I thought maybe you were really asking.”
“But did you though?”
