I ran to Jakari and hugged him tightly, then he broke down on me. In the heat of the moment, I forgot that I hated this nigga. All I knew was that our brother was hurt and that things didn’t look good.
“Tell me he gon’ be alright, Moni. Tell me my nigga ain’t finna die on me!” he said, almost in tears.
“All we can do is pray, J. God got the last say so, but what I do know is that prayer can change anything,” I said as I asked God to spare Keith.
I hugged him tightly as he laid his head on my chest. I stood there rocking back and forth, trying to comfort the man who wasonce my entire world. Now wasn’t the time, but I couldn’t stop thinking about his son and his baby momma. I wanted to be resentful because of all the pain he caused me, but I just couldn’t do it.
We sat in the waiting room, and as I held Jakari’s hand, I prayed that everything would work out in Keith’s favor. I didn’t know what happened, and I didn’t want to know. I stayed away from that part of Jakari’s life. He always told me that if I didn’t know anything, then I could never get caught up in his shit, and I took that with me for all these years.
We waited for what seemed like forever just to get an update on his condition. Jakari said that he was Keith’s brother, so the doctors would let us know what was going on. When they came to talk to us, we were told that they were able to remove the bullet from his shoulder and that it didn’t hit any major arteries. They also said that he had to be placed in a medically induced coma to get the swelling down on his brain. He’d also suffered blunt force trauma to the head.
I rubbed Jakari’s back as the doctor delivered the news. They told us that things weren’t looking too good, but it could change and to just hope for the best. I convinced him to go home and get some rest because staying at the hospital would make him worry himself sick.
“I really don’t need to be alone right now, Moni. I feel like I know who did this, and it’s no telling what I’ll do if I’m alone with my thoughts,” Jakari said as we walked outside the hospital.
“Don’t talk like that. He’s gonna be fine, J! Don’t let nobody trick you off the streets. You can’t act out of anger, or you’ll live to regret it. I’ll drive your car home and stay with you for a while, then you can bring me back to my car later,” I told him, afraid of leaving him alone.
As much as I wanted to hate this nigga, I hated to see him in this condition. I knew how much Keith meant to him. They had been brothers way before I met either of them. As we headed to his car, I felt my phone vibrating. Now that I had left the hospital, I had a signal, and four missed calls from Rowdy. It had totally slipped my mind that we had plans, and now he was blowing me up about our scheduled date.
I shot him a text apologizing and letting him know I had a family emergency. I promised to call him later and that I would make things up to him. After taking the keys from Jakari, I got into the driver’s seat. He rambled off his address, and I put it in my GPS. I noted that the apartment he had when we were together was just a front because the direction I was going was nowhere near there. We rode to his place in silence, and I could only imagine what was on his mind.
I thought of Rowdy and felt like I was making the wrong decision by being with J. He was no longer my problem, but I still felt the need to comfort him. It was my natural instinct. We had real history, and being around him just felt so familiar. I wanted to stand on business when it came to this nigga, but this wasn’t about me and how I personally felt about him. It was about doing what I knew was morally right, and I felt like staying by his side was just that.
When I walked into his home, he instantly started explaining why he’d never brought me to his real house. I told him that he didn’t owe me an explanation and to show me to his room so I could help him get comfortable. As we walked down the hall, I passed his son’s room and stood frozen at the door. His room had a Ninja Turtles theme, and it was decorated so nicely with more toys than one little boy could play with.
I didn’t even notice the tears rolling down my face as I looked around the room that was supposed to have been our son’s room. Instead of being faithful to me, he gave another bitch whatwas supposed to have been mine. I was so hurt. It was an aching in my chest that I couldn’t describe.
“Why?” I asked in a whisper.
Jakari turned around and looked at me. When he noticed what was going on, he put both his arms around my neck and pulled me into his chest. He hugged me tightly and constantly apologized in my ear. I felt his tears drop on my head, and I knew that mine were all over his bloody muscle shirt. We stood there silently, allowing our breathing and sniffles to fill the entire house. There was no doubt that hurting me had actually hurt him. That still didn’t heal my heart tho.
No words had to be spoken. The regret and disappointment were loud as hell. We both knew it was no coming back from this, but we chose not to speak on it at that moment. I pulled back from him and wiped my face. Then I walked ahead of him to his bedroom and went to his closet to find him some clothes. I laid his underwear, a t-shirt, and joggers out on the bed.
“Take a shower. You look a mess and need to get that blood off you. I laid yo’ shit on the bed. Do you have any liquor here?” I asked.
After the day I was having, I needed to ease my mind.
“Yeah, get what you want off that bar in the den. I’ll find you once I’m out of the shower,” Jakari said, sounding defeated.
I went into his den and turned the TV on, then I poured myself a shot of Dussé. The burning sensation I felt going down my throat almost made me not want another shot, but with all the drama of the day, I helped myself to two more shots. Finally, I sat on the sofa and took my phone out. I sent Rowdy a voice memo, letting him know I missed his face and that I was serious about making it up to him for missing our date tonight. He sent me a message back, saying he understood and that he just wanted to make sure everything was alright with me.
As I smiled and listened to his memo through my AirPods, Jakari walked into the room with nothing but a towel around his waist and his chest glistening. I could smell his fresh scent before he even got close to me.
“If I laid your clothes out, why would you come in here like that?” I asked, annoyed.
“I’m at home, Harmoni. You’ve seen me naked before, so why are you tripping? I have a towel on.”
I looked upside his head before locking my phone and placing it back into my pocket. I was no longer dating this man, but I still wasn’t about to disrespect him to his face by texting someone else, knowing how he still felt about me. I got up and poured him a shot because, from the look on his face, I could tell he needed it. Trying to take his mind off Keith, I turned on some of Kevin Hart’s stand-up comedy, and we shared a few laughs. I sat on the couch at the opposite end, so we wouldn’t be too close since this nigga was still damn near naked.
“I appreciate you being here. You’re not obligated to do shit for me anymore, but you still came, and that means more than you know.”
“You and Keith are my family. Together or not, we will always have history and a bond. If you ever need me for anything serious, I will always be there. We just have to both accept that we are done, and anything else after this will have to cease,” I honestly told him.
“I can’t do shit but respect that. You didn’t deserve the shit I did to you. It was a mistake that should have never happened, but I can’t take it back. I love my son, and I wouldn’t trade him for shit. I want you to be part of our world, and I need you now more than ever, but I know I fucked that up.”
“Yeah, you did, and I won’t lie like we can ever be together again ’cause we can’t. You had a baby on me! I can’t play step momma in this situation. I gave you five years of my life withplans of having our own family and me being your wife. You gave a random bitch the most important thing that you promised me! That’s yo’ first son, bruh. That shit is wild,” I said, trying not to get upset all over again.
“I gave you my first son, Moni. JJ will always be my second child, and I will always acknowledge our child together. I know that doesn’t change what I did, but I’m sorry I hurt you like this.”
