Overall, I like college, and the parts I don’t like I’ll just have to make better.
Sincerely,
Glory
October 19, 2011
Dear Glory,
Your English professor sounds like my History professor. She’s always bringing in huge props and acting out battles and historical events. It got pretty awkward when she reenacted Waterloo with a real bayonet and fake blood.
I do have girls in my dorm pretty often, and I don’t mind it at all. Mostly they come over to play guitar or sing or listen to music, but we also play games and watch movies. It seems like girls in college are 10 times hotter than girls in highschool. I don’t know if it’s the independence or just being in New York, but girls never looked so good.
Have you heard of the Occupy Wall Street movement? I don’t totally get the whole idea of it, but a group of us went down there last weekend to camp out because it sounded like fun. I wrote some songs about it and walked around playing them for the people there. It was amazing how much money I made from people who were protesting about wealth inequality.
How are your parents? Do you see them often? I hope that situation is improving.
Bye,
Collin
December 1, 2011
Dear Collin,
I can’t believe you were at Occupy Wall Street, that is so awesome! Talk about having a real world college experience! The most exciting college experience I’ve had so far is getting thrown up on at a football game.
I see my mom pretty often and she says that she’s doing fine, but I can tell that she’s lonely. She hangs out with my Aunt Sara a lot. I think that’s good for both of them. I try not to see my dad if I can help it. He sold our house and he’s getting married to that Sandra lady next summer. I can’t believe he would get married so soon after the divorce. He makes me sick. I don’t even want to go to the wedding, but they’re getting married in the Bahamas, so that might be at least a little fun.
I went on a few dates with this guy I met at a Halloween party. He was dressed like an astronaut, so naturally I was drawn to him. But he started texting and calling me all thetime, like in the middle of the night to tell me about the crazy dreams he had, so I finally had to tell him it wasn’t going to work out. Do you know what he did? He toilet papered my dorm room door. Just the door. It was so lame.
How about you? Do you just like to stare at all of those hot college girls out in New York or do you actually date them?
Sincerely,
Glory
January 14, 2012
Dear Glory,
I’ve been on some dates, but nothing serious. I’ve discovered that the girls here are hotter, but they’re also crazier. I’ve been cried on, screamed at, tickled within an inch of my life, and spit on. So yeah, the girls here are better from a distance.
I don’t know whether to say congratulations to your dad for getting married or offer my condolences to you for having to suffer through such a weird situation. You’re clearly not happy about it, so I guess it would be the latter. It’s bizarre that marriage is supposed to be such a happy event, but it so often makes other people miserable. We’ve been studying contrary behaviors in my sociology class, it’s fascinating. Do you know what you’re going to major in yet? I guess probably something with science or astronomy since that’s always been your thing. I have to major in music because of the scholarship, which is great, but sometimes I wish I could study Anthropology. Maybe I’ll minor in it.
Anyway, I hope you have more “real world college experiences.” With any luck you’ll have a rat infestationin your dorm or get sexually harassed by one of your professors.
Bye,
Collin
P.S. I was kidding about being sexually harassed. I really hope that doesn’t happen to you.
February 22, 2012
Dear Collin,
I would actually rather get harassed by one of my professors than have a rat infestation. I know that sounds awful, but I’d prefer it for two reasons. One, it would prove my point that all men are slime balls (unless it was one of my female professors, that would be interesting), and two, I’ve been taking some Krav Maga classes from this really cute guy in my algebra class, and it would give me a great excuse to try out some of the moves. But yeah, otherwise, sexual harassment is an awful thing and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It would serve those sick men right to get a fierce kick in the kidneys.
