“Because he is what he is,” the shikigami said helplessly. “Ask him yourself.”
Ghost flinched in her mind at that suggestion, but Marci was too panicked to read the warning. She’d already let the shikigami go and whirled to face her spirit, her body shaking in fury. “Why?” she demanded. “Why didn’t you tell me I couldn’t go back?”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “I needed you, and I thought…I didn’t realize I was the only way.”
“But you brought those other ghosts back,” she argued. “Why not me?”
“Because they were different,” he said, looking at her at last. “I shepherd the forgotten, Marci, and that’s not you, nor should you want it to be. You’ve seen my true face. You know what I am. I’m the only one who remembers the souls I care for, and I can only bring them across the barrier in service of their final regrets. That’s why you had to die to come here, because this is the realm of the dead, but our original problem remains. I am the Spirit of the Forgotten Dead. Unless you are both deadandforgotten, you are not part of my domain, and since our domains are how spirits straddle both worlds, that means I can’t take you back, no matter how much I might wish to.”
Marci closed her eyes with a curse. She wanted to scream at him that he was wrong. That he’dpromisedher she could go back. She couldn’t even form the words, though, because they weren’t true. Ghost had only promised to get her to the Merlin Gate. He’d never said anything about going back. She was the one who’d jumped to that conclusion.
She’dassumedMerlins could go back because she’d assumed they had to be alive to do their job. Given what Shiro had just said, though, it was apparently perfectly possible to be both dead and a Merlin, because that’s what she was. Dead. Really dead. Really,really,doornail dead. Never-going-home dead. Never—
A sob ripped through her, sending Marci to the ground. A second gut-wrenching sob landed right on its heels, and then another and another until she was curled into a ball on the stone floor. It felt terminally unfair that this was happening when she didn’t have actual tears to cry or guts to wrench, but she couldn’t seem to stop.
I’m so sorry,the Empty Wind whispered in her mind, his voice desperate.I never meant for this to happen. I should have—
“It’s not your fault,” she said weakly. “I was dead either way. If anything, I’m grateful. You’re the reason I’m here and not still stuck in my death. It was stupid to get my hopes up. I should have been smarter, known better. I just always thought…”
She’d thought she could go home.
From the moment she’d first woken up in the dark, that had been her prize, her reward for all this suffering. She would become a Merlin, use her fantastic powers to fix whatever was wrong, and then pop back to life so she could go home to Julius. That was the hope that had given her the strength to keep going, and now it was gone. She was a Merlin with more power than she’d ever imagined, and it didn’t make a lick of difference. Even if everything worked out and she kept the magic, beat Algonquin, and forged a world where humans and spirits could live happily ever after, there was no happy ending for her. Whatever good she did, she was still just as dead as she’d been when she’d bled out in Julius’s arms, and selfish as it was, thatsucked. She wasn’t ready to die. There was so much left she’d wanted to do, wanted to say. She hadn’t even gotten to tell Julius goodbye.
That was the final straw. With that one thought, all of Marci’s ability to keep it together fell apart, and so did she. She was painfully aware that everyone was watching her, but she couldn’t stop sobbing.
It was just so unfair. Hard work and sacrifice were supposed to be rewarded. The good guys were supposed towin,not end like this. Not with nothing. But just as she was sinking to the lowest circle of despair, Amelia flapped down to land on the ground beside her head.
“That’s enough of that,” she said, folding her wings tight against her small, snaking body.
Marci turned away. “If this is about bootstraps, Amelia, I don’t want to hear it.”
“As if I’d sink to something so trite,” the dragon said with a huff. “You’re free to have all the emotional breakdowns you want, but before you wallow too deeply, you really should take the time to explore your options.”
“Options?” Marci sat up, wiping her red eyes as she glared down at the little dragon. “Whatoptionsdo I have? I’m dead, and my spirit can’t take me back.”
“It’s true the Empty Wind can’t take you back because returning souls is outside of his jurisdiction,” she said. “But Ghost isn’t the only one here with you, is he?”
After having her hopes crushed so epically, getting them up again felt like lunacy, but Marci couldn’t help it. “You can take me back?”
Amelia’s grin grew painfully smug. “Who do you think you’re talking to? Do you really thinkIwould die without a solid exit strategy?”
Marci clutched her aching chest. “Don’t do this to me, Amelia,” she said angrily. “Can you bring me back to life or not?”
The dragon shrugged. “When you’re playing with stakes this high, nothing’s a hundred percent, but I wouldn’t have gotten on this roller coaster with you if I didn’t think we both had a good chance of getting off again. Bob and I—”
“Bob?” Marci said, eyes wide. “What does he have to do with this?”
“Everything,” Amelia said. “Whose plan do you think this was? If all I wanted was to get a look at the magical half of this plane, I could have hitched a ride inside any old human death, but I didn’t. We chose you specifically, because Bob foresaw that you and you alone could get mehere. To the place where it all comes together.”
She turned to gaze hungrily out at the wild Sea of Magic, but Marci didn’t understand. “How did Bob foresee me? I’m not even a dragon. And what do you want with the Heart of the World? This is Merlin land. You can’t do anything here.”
“You don’t have to be a dragon to get swept up in a seer’s plot,” Amelia said smugly. “And Bob’s had his eye on you for a long time. Who do you think posted the advertisement you answered the first night you got to the DFZ? It certainly wasn’t the little old lady being possessed by an angry newborn Mortal Spirit so he could feed her body to his legion of stray cats. Bob put it up because he’d foreseen that you would take the job, bind Ghost, and eventually team up with Julius.”
“You’re kidding,” Marci said. “I mean, that’s just ridiculous.”
“It is not,” Amelia said. “Giant chains of coincidence are how seers work, and my brother is a brilliant one. The moment he foresaw that a Mortal Spirit would rise early, Bob started maneuvering to make sure we had someone in position to catch him. Someone who would value the thingsweneeded her to value, and who would take the risksweneeded her to take.” The dragon smiled at her. “You.”
Marci still couldn’t believe it. Ghost looked equally shocked, though the others didn’t seem surprised at all.
