A shorter pause.
‘You know what it will mean? No communication – not while I’m thus weakened. But perhaps once I reach the island. Assuming…’ They don’t finish the thought, but I know the rest. The words Orthriel can’t bring themself to say. Assuming they can even make it back to their floating island, which orbits the peak of the Astral Mountain.
My eyes sting. ‘I want you to go.’
Another long pause.
‘Don’t summon starshine again. Not while I’m gone. It’s too unstable, too dangerous.’
I nod.
‘Promise me, Leilani. This is important.’ Their face sharpens, their eyes flash.
‘I promise.’ But Orthriel didn’t need to extract this oath. I’ll never unleash starshine again, no matter how much I might want to. I’ve enough blood on my hands to last a lifetime. Several lifetimes, in fact.
‘Think of me like the moons, Leilani. You may not always see me, but I’m always there. You’ll never be alone.’ Orthriel’s parting words hang in the frosty air as opal flames rip them from my side.
I stare down at the empty space my Guardian just occupied. Without the guise of their physical presence, the comforting weight of their consciousness inside my own, I’m adrift, a falling star tumbling through the night sky. Again, I try to prise open our connection, hoping Orthriel’s right – that the threads bridging our minds will reknit now they’ve returned to their true form, that I’ll be able to find those precious threads and cling to them, even if I cannot cling to Orthriel themself.
But the door is still shut fast, and I don’t think I’m responsible for closing it this time.
I reach under my furs for the starstone. Perhaps its crystalline pulse can anchor me.
But the sight of the dazzling pendant nestled in my palm reminds me of the light that poured out of me when I brought down the mountain. The image of my hand, slick with the blood of all those guards, rises up like the ill-fated comet still staining the sky. I remember the exhilaration of unleashing those twin arcs of light: the pitiless intoxication of godhood.
I’ve lost my Guardian. My moral compass. Who will tether me to the Light now? What’s to stop me sinking into Shadow?
I fold my arms around my chest. My body sags, sways limply with the gelid breeze. I remain like this, till a gentle touch brushes my elbow. I turn to see Tansy behind me.
‘Orthriel’s gone,’ I say in a rush, my voice splintered and rough. ‘I sent them away, back to Nimbi.’
She wraps sturdy arms about me, her warm grassy scent a much-needed balm as I lean into her.
‘We knew Orthriel was struggling. It was one of the things they warned us of while you were unconscious,’ Tansy says at last. ‘I didn’t realise they’d return to the breezes so soon, though…’ She squeezes my shoulder, tightening her embrace. ‘I know it’s hard. I miss Glade and the twins more than I ever thought possible. It’s a physical pain. Here.’ She draws back and places a hand to her chest. ‘But we’ll see them again.’ She nods, as if trying to convince herself of this as much as me, then smiles and takes my arm. ‘I was coming to tell you the cragstalkers have agreed to carry us to Talini. Let’s find you somewhere to rest, out of this cold, shall we?’
I let Tansy guide me back to where the others are huddled together, preparing to remount the cats. It’s only when I take my place behind Astrophel, and he turns to give me another of those weighted looks, that I remember Tansy’s words and wonder what other warnings Orthriel issued to the rest of the Quaternity as I lay insensible in that tower.
*
TALINI’SSILVERSPIRESsoar into view as we crest the next mountain crag. Higher than those in Meissa, many are topped with tear-shaped domes. One stands prouder than the others and needle-sharp.
The Starshrine.
I’ve longed to enter that hallowed space my whole life, to explore its collection of ancient manuscripts – the ones left behind when the city was forsaken. I’m praying for a detailed map of the Crystal Caves. I’ve dreamt of beholding the Mystic Scrolls, written in the Dawn Sister’s own hand, the basis for the Book of Starlore. Perhaps I might even find the lost Book of Mysteries hidden within the temple. Save myself from the curse of my birth.
It’s more dream than hope now, but I need something to cling to after what happened on the mountainside. Deliverance might have to wait till after we fulfil Noelani’s prophecy, but I need to believe that though I’m cursed, I can still be saved.
Astrophel turns to me as we draw closer and his face splits into a grin. ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ Our cragstalker, leading the rest of the pack over the narrow mountain pass, crawls to a halt, allowing us to dismount.
I nod, wiping sleet from my cheeks as I plant my feet on the sugared ground.
Tansy shudders. ‘I’m not so sure. It looks like bindroot’s throttling the place.’
Now that I’m accustomed to the gleam of the city, no longer blinded by its splendour, I can see what she means. A layer of tarnish dulls the Silver City, and most of its towers are choked by ivy.
I lead the way through the city gates. They list from their hinges like a pair of drunkards, but the fretwork of celestial designs is breathtaking. Talini must have been magnificent as a living city. At least we won’t have to worry about Flamefever in this lonesome place. We’re the first people to set foot here in a generation.
We shuffle along deserted streets, the setting sun casting long, ghoulish shadows behind us, as our feet crunch through virgin snow. The sound is oddly amplified, and we find ourselves whispering, though there’s no one left to hear us.
