‘Try not to throw up on me in the night, Princess.’ Maris’ words lash like a whip. She elbows past me, back to her place beside Blayze.
I open my mouth to explain, but I’d have to admit I can read peoples’ minds, something I don’t want anyone to know – least of all the Outrealmers.
Still, I wish there was some way I could let Maris know I don’t regret taking her into my confidence. Because, to my surprise, I don’t.
I have people in my life who I love, but they’re either entangled in court politics, like Izarius and my mother, or kept at a remove by their inferior status, like Elvi. Orthriel is always there for me, but cielsylphs are pragmatic by nature. They don’t encourage me to wallow.
Until tonight, I never realised how much I need someone to talk to.
Again, that drag in my chest. That sense of something unravelling.
By the time I return to my seat, Maris has taken up the lines of the ship. She’s pressed close to Blayze, their legs practically entwined. I look away, and try not to dwell on the irony that I’m edging as near to the hull as I can, keeping as far from my betrothed as possible.
As I settle to sleep, I convince myself it’s only the motion of the ship that accounts for the tightening in my belly.
*
APATCHWORKof frosted fields – some reserved for crops, others dotted with small, honey-coloured stone houses – sweep past as the ship glides through the water. If the winds stay this favourable, Astrophel thinks we might arrive in Lulana a night early.
That moment can’t come quickly enough. Placing one hand flat against my belly, I press the tender places where my muscles have torn from all the retching. If I never set foot on another boat again, it’ll be too soon.
I’ve been hiding behind these tents long enough. I’m about to go in search of my waterskin, when I smell him. Smoky musk and dark amber, tinged with the sweet-herbal notes of the confounded dreamroot he’s constantly chewing – a potent calmative, I’ve learnt from Tansy.
‘Mind if I join you?’ Blayze doesn’t wait for an answer. And he hasn’t come alone. Serafine stares up at me from his shoulder, eyes like twin burning embers. ‘I heard you last night.’
He’s speaking in a deep, gravelly whisper. I meet his hard stare but don’t say anything.
He pauses. ‘It struck a chord, what you were saying about your father.’ Blayze chafes his signet ring. ‘I was always a disappointment to mine, too.’ He releases a long breath that mushrooms the air. ‘And while I’m confessing things I shouldn’t, I might as well tell you I didn’t mean for things to go so far at the banquet. I wanted to yank Astrophel’s chain, pay him back for what he said to me, but I didn’t realise he was such a territorial bastard. Must like you more than I thought.’ His mouth edges up at one corner. I remember his smirk at Thawtide and want to claw his face all over again. ‘But it’s true what he said. My father never wanted me to succeed him.’
‘Why?’ I don’t mean to ask the question, but it rolls off my tongue before I can stop it.
His golden eyes search mine. ‘I’ve never told another living soul this, but I think you’ll understand. Perhaps you’re the only—’ He stops short, one hand straying to the torc around his throat. The metal band glints in the sunlight.
I shift my weight, peering over the tents. I’m not sure I want to hear the Clanschief’s secrets.
‘Kyden and I are twins, but he’s the elder by eleven minutes. In my father’s eyes, it was I who killed our mother. He never could forgive me for the crime of my birth.’
My stomach heaves. Only it’s not water-sickness making me nauseous this time, it’s the echo of my father’s voice. Four little words, said so long ago. Words I’ve never been able to forget.
‘You killed your brother.’
Blayze is right, I do understand. Better than he can ever realise.
‘My father changed his mind about the succession, but he never changed his mind about me. Events forced his hand, and he never tired of telling me how much he resented it.’ Blayze ruffles Serafine’s head, his broad fingers surprisingly gentle as they thread through her luminous feathers. ‘When pitlung finally saw our father off, Kyden respected his decision and swore me an oath of loyalty. I became Clanschief, but things aren’t easy between us.’ Blayze shrugs. ‘I have to hope he’s only keeping my throne warm in my absence, not seeking to usurp it.’
Silence stretches between us. I find myself searching for words of comfort. Like when I heard about his mother’s death, it’s as if I’ve forgotten how much I dislike the man standing in front of me. What comes out is a breathless, ‘I’m sorry.’
The words taste wrong the instant they leave my lips.
Blayze winces. ‘I don’t want your pity. That’s not… I thought… Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought. I was clearly mistaken.’
And just like that, the veil of his pride is drawn between us again.
There’s a scuffling from the pile of tents. Astrophel barges his way through, scowling first at Blayze, then at me.
‘Now, now, don’t get all possessive again, Peacock. We were only having a friendly chat, weren’t we, Sparkles.’ Blayze turns on his heel and clambers over the tents, shouldering Astrophel out of the way.
He glowers at the back of Blayze’s head as he saunters up the deck. For a moment, I think he’s going to follow him, but instead he turns to me, catching me by the wrist.
