‘That’s where the Wishing Star fell to ground – where we’ll enter the caves.’ I clear my throat. ‘But first, there’s something I need to tell you.’
Eyebrows lift, jaws tighten. Blayze nods encouragingly. Astrophel’s expression relaxes too. Both think they know what’s coming. Both are wrong.
This is going to hurt them. The fact I’ve lied.
My heart pounds but I lean into bravery, plucking at my hood, shedding my gloves, revealing my hair, my brand, to the elements.
The others flinch. Blayze looks… not repulsed, I now understand, just pained, ill at ease. Seeing my mark reminds him of his own difference. But, for once, I don’t care about their reaction. There’s something liberating – empowering – about deliberately exposing something I’ve sought my whole life to conceal.
This is a moment for honesty, for stripping away pretence. I’ll face it as my true self.
Perfectly imperfect.
I need my magic to fulfil Noelani’s prophecy. If this is to work, it’s time to accept who I am. Stardust flows through my veins, and I can’t – won’t – be afraid or ashamed any longer.
The people surrounding me, this strange family we’ve forged, they deserve the truth – the whole truth. Finally, it’s time to lay myself bare and give it to them.
They let me speak. They don’t interrupt. I tell them about the Sister-Stones, about the mooncrystal and its loss, the dreams and visions of Arden. I tell them about Noelani’s second letter, about facing the night-birds and needing to find all four sceptres to revoke the Sickening. They don’t interrupt, but they all shrivel, folding in on themselves as the words spill from my mouth like droplets of poison. What little colour was left in their faces drains. Their eyes dull with dread.
‘I’ve wanted to tell you about all of it, for so long,’ I croak. ‘And now you know, you have a decision to make about whether you still want to follow me into the caves.’
The words are true on the surface: there is still a choice. But they’re also hollow. It isn’t a real choice at all. I took that away by withholding all of this till now. We’ve come too far to turn back, and they all know it.
Maris speaks first. ‘I’d have understood,’ she murmurs, shaking her head. ‘After everything we’ve been through, you could have told me about your mother.’
‘I was afraid if I told you, you’d refuse to help me – think me selfish. I know there are many others who need saving. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking for your permission now. Your permission and your forgiveness…’ I swallow, unable to look at Delphine, though I feel the pearlsprite’s eyes on me. She’s not as weak as my mother – not yet – but her prospects are bleak, murky as the water in that vial around her neck.
Maris threads her fingers through Delphine’s, and lifts her chin. ‘If I had the chance to save someone I love, I’d take it in a heartbeat.’
My chest locks. Is Maris going to fight me? Demand I save Delphine instead?
She sighs. ‘I don’t agree with the way you’ve gone about this, but I lost my mother. I don’t want you to lose yours. I won’t ask you to give this up. Not after the vision you had, not with her life hanging in the balance.’
The others nod, though most stare at the ground, unable to look at me. The pressure in my chest eases a little. Like the laces in a corset have been loosed, though not untied.
‘So long?’ Tansy whispers, chin trembling. ‘If we survive this, we’ll be searching for the other sceptres for… for…’ She doesn’t finish the sentence but I know her thoughts are with Glade, with those two curly-haired babes I saw in the mooncrystal. The family she expected to be embracing soon.
Looking at her, bearing this with her usual quiet fortitude, I’m reminded there’s more than one way to be strong. She’s no warrior like Maris, but of all of us, Tansy has given up the most to join this quest. In the ways that truly matter, she’s the strongest member of the Quaternity.
‘Why hasn’t Arden attacked, if she’s been following us all this time?’ Astrophel asks coldly. The stiffness in his shoulders pains me more than I expected. I can’t bear the disappointment in his eyes. The terror fast infusing them.
I search over my shoulder, half-expecting Arden to finally appear. As if speaking her name aloud might work as some kind of summoning charm.
I’m almost disappointed when it doesn’t.
‘I think she’s biding her time, waiting for us to lead her to the Starlight Staff. She must know about the blood rite. Must need us alive for that.’
Astrophel snorts as if he doesn’t believe a word of it. And secretly, neither do I – not really. Despite the explanation I’ve just regurgitated, I can’t understand why Arden hasn’t made her move. It’s a sum that doesn’t add up.
‘And the rest of it?’ Astrophel presses. ‘It’s true then? Those stories your mother used to spin about the night-birds? Razor-sharp talons, eyes that can kill… all of it?’
I exhale, nod. ‘I wanted to tell you the moment I heard.’
‘Why didn’t you, then?’ Blayze snaps. Betrayal burns behind his eyes.
This cuts deepest of all, though thanks to that star-damned callous, not as deep as it should. I promised there’d be no more secrets between us. I swore it.
‘Arden,’ I mumble. ‘I couldn’t risk her finding out, having time to prepare a defence. I didn’t want her to hurt you – any of you – not after what the Arx Magnum…’ My breath catches. I’m lying again, this isn’t the whole truth. ‘I-I had to think of the quest, put saving Arcelia first.’
