Traitor.
I can only hope Blayze will understand, that his feelings for me are strong enough to weather this betrayal.
Maris crosses the cabin and stands with her back to me, in front of Blayze. ‘Got room for one more under there?’
He fires a helpless look in my direction. I wince, and dip my chin.
‘Fifi’s a jealous bed-mate.’ He chuckles, trying to laugh away her request.
‘Fine then. Suit yourself.’
Heat pricks my cheeks, and a small, broken sigh escapes before I can stop it.
‘What’s wrong?’
I start at Astrophel’s voice. So busy watching – and pretending not to watch – that awkward dance between Blayze and Maris, I didn’t hear him approach.
‘Forgive me, I didn’t mean to disturb you.’
‘No… I mean, it’s fine. You didn’t.’
He sits beside me, fixes me with those watchful grey eyes, and reaches for my hand. ‘I know you’re worried about your mother. But don’t give up hope, not when we’re so close.’
My free hand clutches the starstone. A fresh spasm of guilt. Ishouldhave been thinking of my mother. What does it say about me that Blayze drives all proper thoughts from my mind, consuming my attention as flames consume tinder? ‘It’s not that,’ I try to explain, ‘I just—’
Astrophel cuts me off. ‘You wouldn’t let me tell you, the last time I tried.’ He’s whispering, head bent close to mine. ‘But I need you to hear me now.’
I shuffle my feet away, but he grips my hand tighter.
‘It always pleased me that in binding myself to you, joining our two great houses, I was fulfilling my father’s wish – raising the Vesparion bloodline. Selfishly, I coveted the legitimate place our union would grant me at court. No longer a charity ward, but a king-in-waiting.’ Astrophel looks down. ‘But it was never a match of affection. It was never a match of our choosing. I confess I gave little thought to you as a person. You were simply a means to an end.’
I finally manage to wrench my hand free. ‘You told me as much ahead of the ceremony.’
His eyes cut to mine. ‘I didn’t know you then, not really. Only the lies your father fed me since childhood.’ His face darkens. ‘To tell the truth, I’m not sure how well I knew myself…’
A pained expression twists his features, and I have to fight the sudden, unexpected urge to reach out and stroke his cheek. He looks so lost. So young.
‘I beg forgiveness for every cold look, every harsh word.’ Astrophel’s voice turns rougher, more earnest. ‘I intend to make you a good consort, Leilani. I believe we can make a success of our binding. We’ve much in common and I’ve come to respect you, to admire you, to…’
I thread my fingers, offering up a silent prayer that Astrophel doesn’t, for the love of all that’s sacred, finish that sentence. Even without looking in his direction, I know Blayze is watching us. I can only hope Astrophel is speaking sufficiently low he can’t hear any of this.
‘In the end, even the most ardent passion wanes,’ Astrophel continues. ‘But mutual respect, shared values, a common purpose, these will sustain a union over a lifetime.’ He heaves a weighted sigh. ‘I understand temptations can present themselves – might make you question proceeding with our binding – but we have a duty to our realm and to our people, above and beyond that we owe to ourselves.’
Temptations? My stomach drops. I think back to the strange expression on Astrophel’s face when he saw me and Blayze together in that first ice-cabin, the way he stared at the Clanschief’s hand on my shoulder earlier. I drop my gaze before my eyes start to mist over, but colours are already bleeding, fanning out around him. I ignore the sunny glow, and what I know it means, focusing instead on the flecks of acid green. My stomach unclenches. I blink the dark spots staining my vision away. It’s as I thought. Astrophel may suspect, but he doesn’t know.
‘More than any of that,’ he says, catching hold of my hand again, ‘I want to make this work. I want…’ He worries at his bottom lip. ‘I want to support you as you assume your rightful place on the Throne, and when the occasion of our binding comes – whenever that may be – know I’ll be honoured, proud, to walk this life alongside you.’
I swallow hard, hoping Astrophel doesn’t notice the tremor in my hand.
What in the starry heavens am I supposed to say to that?
I care for Astrophel, enjoy his company now he’s not toadying to my father, or behaving like an affected prig. I think back to the blind dread that consumed me when he swung off the mountain. It’s more than simple friendship – I know that now. He’s handsome, grounding – a fixed star in the frenzied meteor storm of my life. I feel safe around him, and there’s an ease to our interaction. He understands me, and the life I’ve lived.
And maybe once it would have been enough, but that was before…
I dare a look at Blayze. He’s scowling, eyes a glittering storm. He must have overheard something of what’s been said.
Just what I need, those two at each other’s throats again.
