‘I’ll say nothing for now.’ I’ll wait and tell them when we reach the caves. It’s when I planned to tell them about the Sister-Stones and Arden, anyway. They’ll be prepared, still have a choice whether to follow me into the mountain, but there’s no danger of Arden wresting information from any of them ahead of time.
And it’ll be harder for them to turn back.
‘Promise me you’ll not summon starshine. No matter what happens in those caves,’ Orthriel says, their voice suddenly urgent. ‘Shadow Lore is not to be toyed with.’
‘I gave you my word, I intend to keep it. You’ll see for yourself.’ I dip my head. ‘At least you’re able to share my secret, Orthriel. I’m grateful I’ll have you at my side in those caves, knowing what we must face there.’
The tower is suddenly so quiet you could hear a star fall.
‘No, Leilani. You won’t. I can’t summit the mountain. I can’t even leave this island. We’ll be saying goodbye here.’
‘But—’
‘I’m still hopeful my heartcrystal might be restored – eventually. But I haven’t responded to returning to the island as I hoped. It remains to be seen if I’ll ever journey on the winds again. You’ve felt the weakness of our connection. I don’t think I’ll be able to open the door to your mind once you leave Nimbi, even should you leave it unlocked.’
Not coming with me? A chance I might never see them again, or even communicate with them through our mind-bridge?
I take a step backwards. Orthriel’s words are a punch to the stomach. My Guardian can be irritating and opinionated, much as I’ve always imagined an older sibling might be, and yes, recently, as my heart has opened to Blayze, their ability to scry my thoughts has been challenging, but they’re also part of me. My mother has always been too weak for me to lean on; Orthriel’s been my rock.
My voice cracks. ‘How am I supposed to do this without you?’
‘You don’t need me anymore. You don’t need anyone.’
The starstone thrums against my chest, calling to the Aether in my veins. A flare of magic ripples through my body again like a cool breeze. The enormity of the challenge looms over me, as intimidating as the peak of the Astral Mountain, but deep in my gut, I know it’s true.
I am enough. I’ve always been enough.
*
THEOTHERSAREstill sleeping when I rejoin them, glazed expressions softening their faces. Was it really only a few short hours ago I lay alongside them, lost to the spell of the waters, finally at peace?
I kneel in the soft grass beside Blayze. Serafine is curled at his side. A horrible sinking feeling grips my chest as I look at her. I’ve tried to come up with a different solution, wracked my brain for an alternative as I walked back from the cloud-tower. But using her last remaining fire-feather to subdue the night-birds is the only plan I can think of that has a real hope of working. Almost as if things have been designed this way.
By insisting representatives be drawn from all four realms in her first letter, and knowing the bonds of Guardianship endured, Noelani all but ensured the presence of an emberwing within our midst. She must have known it would make the perfect foil for the night-birds – a perfect symmetry, too perfect to be coincidental.
I shake the dark thoughts away. There’ll be time enough to wallow in them later.
I reach for Blayze, tracing the scruff of his jaw with my fingertips, smoothing russet curls from his brow, inhaling his rich, deep scent as I press gentle kisses to his eyelids. If we survive the caves, if Blayze is able to forgive me for keeping this from him, for asking this favour of Serafine, it will be many moons before we can be together, before I’ll feel the crush of his arms around me again, or the press of his lips against mine.
He could still tell Maris it’s over between them once we have the Starlight Staff, though it might make things awkward now we’ll have to stay in each other’s pockets to seek the other sceptres, but we can’t move forwards with our relationship until this whole quest is behind us – if it’s ever behind us. It wouldn’t be right, not with Maris and Astrophel still travelling with us. Though I suppose Astrophel might elect to stay in Estelia. The vow he made to my father to watch over me may not extend as far as the enemy realms. The thought makes me shiver. I can’t imagine continuing on without Astrophel’s calm, reassuring presence at my side. I can’t lose him as well as Orthriel.
It would be so easy to join Blayze, to drink again from the falls, to set down my burdens for a while longer, succumb to the lure of the island, open myself to its numbing embrace and forget all about Noelani’s plans, the horrors that lie ahead. I can understand the legends of people driven mad by their attempts to find Nimbi now, why the cielsylphs decided to cloak the island from mortal eyes, only permitting them to set foot here under exceptional circumstances.
But the memory of my mother’s face stops me from drinking, stops me from sinking back into the island’s sweet oblivion. Contentment here, like everything, is an illusion. This island feels solid, feels real, but it’s only a beguiling dream.
I tighten my grip on Blayze’s shoulders and shake him.
A cruel awakening, but the time for dreaming is over.
A LOSING BATTLE
ASTROPHEL
THERETURNTOthe mountain is a body-blow. Worse than anything I’ve suffered in the lists. We all feel it the instant snow bleeds back into our boots, numbing our toes. It’s etched deep in the too-tight smile stretched over Tansy’s face, in the fierce set of Maris’ jaw. Minutes back on that ridge is enough to drive all memory of Nimbi’s restoring waters from my mind. Especially as my focus turns back to Spindle Pass. I allow my gaze to soar up the near-vertical ridge, glinting in the dawnlight like the edge of a freshly whetted blade. My arm throbs just thinking about the climb.
‘Let’s gather supplies,’ Leilani says, wasting no time in pushing open the door to the cabin. ‘We should leave now if we want to reach the Ice Steps before moonsrise.’
She’s pale. I hoped the spell on Nimbi would be good for her, but she’s been oddly withdrawn ever since waking us at the falls.
