I open my mouth to protest, to rebut him with Maris – with Astrophel. I try to scrabble out of his arms, but he holds me tight.
‘Well? Was it?’ His fingertips trace my jaw, his touch feather-light but scorching, a trail of gooseflesh blooming in its wake.
I can’t fight against this anymore either. Whatever I feel for him, it’s more than just the bond of brandmagic. He knows it, I know it, and I can’t lie to him, or myself, anymore.
‘No,’ I whisper, voice hoarse as I tear my chin from his grasp. ‘I wanted to kiss you, all right?’ I glare up at him, tears pricking hot behind my eyes, but all the fight has drained out of me. ‘Why are you doing this? I disgust you, remember… Is this your idea of a sick joke? Another power-play?’
‘Disgust me?’
‘Back in the cabin you said—’
Blayze closes his eyes and groans. ‘Don’t remind me.’ He reaches for my face again. Every nerve in my body narrows, thrills to his touch. ‘Nothing about you disgusts me, Leilani. Maybe it should, but it doesn’t. Flame save me, but it doesn’t.’
It’s the first time he’s called me by my name. His voice is husky, there’s a note of teasing round its edges, but as Blayze dips his head and seeks my lips, there’s nothing playful about his kiss. His fingers wind in my hair, he draws me closer, deeper, his tongue swirling my mouth. It’s less frenzied than the fevered kiss in the ice-cabin, slower, more thorough. I slip my arms around his neck, the metal of his torc cool beneath my fingertips. My thoughts become slow and liquid as I kiss him back, giving myself to this kiss as I succumbed to the oblivion of Nimbi’s waters – falling into it with total abandon.
When at last he draws back, his breathing’s rough. A sheepish smile crooks his lips.
I’m dazed, drunk on the scent of him, the feel of him, and my lips curve into an answering smile. But then I remember. Remember Maris and Astrophel lying in the meadow beside us, who Blayze is, what my parents would say, and I push away. Not breaking free of the circle of his arms completely, but putting inches between us. I search over my shoulder, but the others are still prone. Lost to the oblivion of the falls.
‘We can’t do this,’ I stutter. ‘Our families—’
Blayze laughs, gathering me closer again. ‘Someone’s getting a little ahead of themselves. It was a kiss – a good one, I’ll grant you – but not a marriage proposal.’
Heat flushes my cheeks. ‘But I thought… Whatdoyou want?’
‘Isn’t that obvious?’ He laughs. ‘I thought dreamroot was bad, but it’s got nothing on you, Sparkles. Like one of your moon-moths to a flame – I can’t stay away.’
‘And what about Maris?’ I can’t betray her again.
Blayze sighs. ‘I’ll tell her. I’ve been keeping my distance since that night you kissed me. But she’s surprisingly persistent.’
I twist away from him. ‘Don’t joke. She cares for you, and we can’t risk upsetting her, especially now we’re so close to finding the sceptre. Without her, we can’t re-enact the Blood Bond.’
I don’t want to hurt Astrophel either, but the cold truth of it is, we don’t need him to fulfil the prophecy. Not in the same way.
Blayze shrugs. ‘She might still agree to help us. The Isles are depending on her, and we agreed this wasn’t anything serious. I’m not breaking any promises.’
‘If you believe that, you’re a fool.’
‘Fine, I won’t tell her till after we’ve retrieved it, then. It won’t be long now.’
I swallow. The thought of lying to Maris, to Astrophel, it turns my stomach, but my mother’s tortured eyes swim in front of me. I can’t risk her only chance of a cure.
‘And this…’ I gesture between us. ‘It can’t happen again. Not till we’ve found the sceptre. Not till you’ve told her.’
‘But—’
‘No, Blayze, I mean it. Whatever’s between us will have to wait till this is over.’
The stubble on his cheek grazes my ear. ‘Whatever you want.’
The caress of his warm breath sends shivers up my spine. He draws back and the sight of his molten eyes flaring with need is almost enough to make me reconsider, to make me reach up and taste his lips one more time.
‘And once it’s behind us,’ Blayze says, stopping me just in time, before I do something I’ll regret, ‘maybe your tutor or one of those scholars at the Asteum can help us decipher the Book of Mysteries. We’ll find a way to rid ourselves of magic, to free ourselves from this curse – together.’
I hesitate. It’s what I wanted once, but now… now I don’t know what I want, not when it comes to my magic. But after we retrieve Noelani’s sceptre, after we use it to revoke the Sickening, after I use the Sister-Stones to save my mother, I won’t have further need of my powers. Maybe then it would be simpler to rid myself of magic, to remove any risk of Shadow corrupting me further. I could live a normal life – see where things lead with Blayze.
‘But no more lies,’ he says roughly. ‘We’ll never stand a chance. Not if there are secrets between us. I’ve lived a lie long enough to know they destroy people.’
