Inhaling deep, I hold back the tears and say, “I’m okay. I’m just getting used to this place. It’s like a jungle, Dad.”
I hear his short intake of breath and regret saying the wrong thing.
“Just keep your head down. I’m not going to let this lie. I’ll figure something out.”
“I know.”
Yet something inside me is screaming that this is it now and I’d be better off finding my way than trying to fight the inevitable. I have to stop thinking that I’m getting out any day, it’s not happening, and it hurts too much.
“Darius said he’ll bring Elsa to see you once…”
“No, not him. You bring her.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I take them back. “No, I don’t want anyone bringing her here, Dad. She’s too precious to be tainted by this place.”
“Sweetheart, she misses you and I know you’re missing her like crazy. It might do you some good to see her, to hold her.”
Struggling to swallow the lump in my throat, I pick at the phone cord to distract myself.
“I can’t see her just for an hour and then see her leave, I just can’t.”
“Okay, okay.”
The women moaning in the queue behind me grows louder.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I have to go now, I’ll call in a couple of days, okay?”
“Make sure you do.”
“I will.”
I hang up before I hear him say he loves me, not believing I’ll cope if I do. Back in my cell, I ignore the woman reading her book on the top bunk and curl up on mine. My chest heaves with silent sobs and I let the tears seep into the flat pillow.
“Ain’t no time for crying, little lamb. Dinner’s in five minutes.”
Little lamb. I shudder at the term, taking me back to the night I first met Jermaine. I’ve heard him refer to me as it a number of times but it’s not until now, I truly feel like the lost lamb he thinks I am.
Wiping my eyes, I sit up and she’s sliding into her lace less tennis shoes.
“Everyone around here knows you’re new, fresh meat, don’t give them a reason to think they can take advantage of you. Dab the tears, don’t wipe. Red eyes around here are a weakness you can’t afford and as your bunkie, I don’t need the stress of trouble seeking you out.”
“Sorry.”
Tutting, she shakes her head.
“That word doesn’t leave your lips till the day you get out and are free to speak it, you hear me?”
Nodding, I look in the mirror and sniff hard.
“What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you New Girl.”
“Amelia.”
“I’m Lori. What are you in for and for how long?”
