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“I still don’t understand why you can’t see what’s meant for you.”
“I can see it, grandma, sometimes I can fucking feel it.”
“Then take it. Change for her.”
Deep down she knows I am who I am, you could put me in their world, but I wouldn’t last long.
“I’m going to wake up the twins.”
My feet drag as I walk down the hall and throw open their door. I take a moment to watch how innocent and pure they are. I didn’t have this luxury when I was their age. My mother had already shown me how ugly and violent the world was and when the twins were born I’ve done everything I can to show them you can live in Hell but it doesn’t have to reach you. I’ve never beenable to hide it completely from them, but I have kept it away from them.
And I’ll do the same for my daughter.
20
Amelia
I’ve been a mixed bag of nerves and excitement all day. There were a few times I caught people staring at my baby bump on campus, but I pushed on and ignored every single one. I’m not there to make friends. I have a plan and I’m going to stick to it, keeping to myself.
Leaning back in my desk chair, I rub my stomach as I go over my first assignment for English Lit. A yawn escapes me, and I glance over at the bed. I’m desperate to slide in between the sheets and curl up, but I have another hour of schoolwork to do before I can.
My phone rings and Clare’s name flashes up across the screen. She hasn’t called in weeks, and I pick up without hesitation.
“Hey,” I say, and I’m met with her sobs filling the line.
“Clare?”
Panic grows in my chest, and I stand, needing to move as if it somehow helps.
“He left me, he just drove away, and I have no money…”
“Who, Tariq?”
“Yeah, the fucking asshole.”
“Where are you?”
“You know the old train tracks behind the oil plant?”
I vaguely know of it, and I’m slipping into my shoes and grabbing my car keys as I ask, “What the hell were you doing out there?”
“Don’t ask. Will you come get me please?”
“Of course. Stay on the line until I get to you.”
The roads are mainly empty as I drive to a part of the city I’ve not been to before. I only know of the oil plant because it’s been a hot topic of discussion on the news on how to use it to benefit the city.
“Clare, are you still there?” I ask after it’s been too quiet for too long.
“Yeah, are you close. The fucking hobos keep staring, I swear if any of them touch me, I’m going to kill Tar.”
“I’m not far.” To keep her talking and distracted, I ask, “Did you have a fight or something?”
It’s a stupid question, they obviously did unless he makes a habit of this that I’m not aware of. Which is a possibility. I’ve not exactly been in regular contact with her. Who knows what’s been going on.
“It was nothing, but he just cut me off and drove off. I thought he was going to come back but it’s been an hour.”
She doesn’t need or want to hear that he’s an asshole. So I keep my lips firmly shut and drive through a set of broken gates next to the plant.
