“I guess so, yeah.”
“What you waiting for then? You’ve got a little girl to go see.”
She pulls me in and wraps her arms around me so tight, my eyes fill with water, and I hug her back.
“Whoever they replace you with better step up. I’m gonna miss you.”
Swallowing thickly, I step away and she shoves me till I’m out on the landing.
“Go on now, before they change their minds.”
“Good luck with everything, Lori. I hope your day comes faster than the days that have passed.”
“Me too.”
I don’t look back. I keep walking and join Ginny and Petra with C.O. Collins. Going through the motions of being released becomes a dream like state and it’s not until I’m outside, breathing in clean air, that the world around me sharpens into focus and speeds up.
I have to check in with a parole officer tomorrow and unlike Ginny, I get to go home. She has to stay at a hostel as she has no address.
I was given a little cash and as I stand at the bus stop I was dropped off at, it’s not home I get the bus to.
While I ride the bus, I take out my photos and letters and stuff them in my pockets.
Even though the guy in front of me smells like cigarettes and liquor, I inhale it all. So many scents you forget while away.
I wiggle my feet and smile when I see my boots instead of lace-less tennis shoes.
It feels weird wearing the clothes I was arrested in but it’s not enough to freak me out. I’ll happily wear anything as long as it’s not a jumpsuit.
I pull the cord when I recognise where I am. The bus comes to a stop, and I step off and bask in the warm sunshine.
Darius’s house is two streets over and as much as I can’t wait to hold my little girl, nerves are setting in and paranoia plagues me.
There’s a high possibility she’s not going to know who I am. Maybe I should’ve gone straight to my dad’s first.
Pushing through the small voice trying to get to me, I push on and turn onto Darius’s street.
Walking by Tariq’s place, no one’s sat outside, no music is playing from inside. No curtains are open. It’s almost like it’s been abandoned.
I will my hand to stop shaking as I raise my fist to knock on Darius’s door. Closing my eyes, I hear Marie’s soap drama playing on the other side of the door and I smile.
My eyes fly open when the door opens and I step back when a girl around my age answers, holding Elsa-Marie in her arms.
“Oh God,” I whisper. “Look how much you’ve grown, beautiful girl.”
Reaching out, I go to stroke her hair when the girl jolts back out of my reach.
Frowning, I don’t get the chance to speak.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“I’m her mother.”
“Her momma is behind bars, she’s not out for months. Leave now or I’ll call her daddy.”
“Give me your phone and I’ll call him myself.”
“Fuck off.”
