P.S. Destroy this letter.
When I finish reading, my fingers are stiff from clenching the paper so tight. I will them to relax, dropping it onto the bed, and let out a stilted sigh.
Why did I read this?
I wish I couldunread it.
I don't want to understand him. I don't want to know how he justifies his actions to himself. How can I hate him and still begladSeven and Elijah have him, even after what he did to me? How does that even work?
Crumpling the paper in my fist, I throw back the covers and stomp to the bathroom loud enough to wake Ellie. She nudges her way in as I thrust the paper beneath a stream of warm water beneath the tap.
She makes a low groaning sound like she disapproves.
"What?" I ask as I mash the wet paper between my fingers until it starts to disintegrate. "It doesn't change anything."
She paws at my bare foot and chuffs.
"It doesn't matter," I repeat, not sure if the words are meant for her or myself. "What's done is done—" I rinse the pulpy remnants from my hand and watch as they're sucked down the drain. "And now we all get to live with our choices."
12
THE LIES WE TELL
SEVEN
Ithought it would take some convincing for Atticus to work his magic so that Aurora could come to visit Julian with us, but after last night, he didn't seem to mind at all. I don't know who got more joy out of that Chick-fil-A order, Ro or him.
He spent two hours in his office this morning getting everything just right without any complaint whatsoever. To anyone looking, it will appear as though Aurora never left Boone at all. The records at the ASU library will show that she entered in the morning and didn't depart each day until after lunch. The traffic cams will show her car stopped at a red light at the intersection near her apartment today even though she'll be with us.
Eli and I told him it was probably overkill, but Atty said he doesn't want to leave any trace whatsoever that she's connected to us, so we didn't push.
"Have you heard from his nurse?" Ro asks Eli in the back seat of Atty's Mercedes SUV.
Eli turns from staring blankly out the window to face her. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, they texted about an hour ago. He's still lucid."
Ro smiles. "Are you nervous?"
Eli drops his gaze.
"When he's lucid, he sometimes remembers what Eli did," I explain to Ro. "How he left and didn't come home for so long."
A knot forms between Ro's brows. "Surely he doesn't blame you for that?"
Eli heaves a sigh. "It's complicated. Ididleave. Sometimes he remembers that I left, but not that I came back. Sometimes he sees me, but doesn't know it's me. Or worse, he thinks I'm a ghost."
Ro's lips part in mute surprise at Eli's admission.
"But it's not going to be like that today," I decide. "Watch. I have a feeling. It's going to be a good visit."
No one agrees, but when Aurora winds her fingers through Eli's, some of the tension leaves his shoulders, and I know he hopes I'm right.
Fuck, so do I.
We aren't headed to Flo's gravesite this time. Instead, we're meeting Julian at the pond. It's not far from the old Ashford family home, which is a bit risky, but there are no traffic cams and hardly any houses this way or people to see us down the long, winding road I used to bike down as a kid.
Once we're near the end of the no-exit road, Atticus pulls off into a long driveway that's almost overgrown with shrubbery and vines. He winces as they sweep over the roof, probably leaving scratches, but it's safer to keep the vehicle out of sight, even if it isn't registered in any of our legal names or known aliases.
Ellie stirs, getting up from her position asleep in Ro's lap to stand on the seat and canter her paws for exit.
