Alyssia
“It’s so sweet that he checks to see if you’ve eaten breakfast every morning,” Kandace swoons.
I move from the living room couch to the little balcony in my apartment that looks out on the street. From here I get to watch my neighbors pass by, going in and out of coffee shops and the thrift store housed in beautiful, old and colorful stone buildings.
The overcast skies match the loneliness that I woke up with inside of my chest this morning. I normally don’t mind days to myself, but for some odd reason, I wanted to hop on the train and get out to Travis waiting for me with breakfast so we could go for a walk.
Instead, I went on a walk by myself.
Now, I’m talking to my best friend and trying not to admit to how much I miss him knowing he’s so far away and busy.
“He just wants to make sure the baby is getting what it needs,” I mumble.
Kandace sucks her teeth. “Girl, have you forgotten where I work?”
I scrunch my face, but she continues without needing an answer from me.
“I’ve seen whole husbands kick their wife out of a hospital bed so they can nap. Their wifewho’s just givenbirth. Baby daddies who are more concerned with their video game than their laboring partner.
“Travis greets you at the train station with breakfast and your favorite tea in hand every morning. And checks in with you from halfway around the world to make sure you’ve eaten. That’s more than him just caring about the baby.”
I swallow the lump forming in my throat and try to stifle the butterflies in my belly. Her words feel too good to be true, although I’ve told myself not to bother wanting something more with Travis.
A piece of me wants to tell my best friend that this is nothing more than Travis stepping up and being a good guy, who’s going to be a father.
But then I remember that day at the hospital when he looked me in my eyes and told me he hadn’t gotten everything he wanted yet. And I know I want to be a part of what he wants.
“Can I say how crazy it is that you have a man that flies all around the world to race?”
“I don’t have a man.” My voice comes out weaker than I intended.
Kandace sucks her teeth. “You’re carrying that man’s baby.”
“That doesn’t make himmy man.”
“Tell me, what does it mean then?”
“It means we had sex and the condom broke.”
I rise from my seat on the balcony when my kettle in the kitchen starts whistling.
“Hmm, and have you slept with anyone since being with him?”
I pause while pouring my water into teacup. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Answer the question.”
“No and you know I haven’t.”
“Do I? It’s not like you told me when you met him in Vegas.”
I flinch at the spike of guilt that courses through me.
“I would’ve told you if I had been with anyone else,” I defend as I grab my tea mug and pad my way back to the balcony.
I sigh and blow on my tea.
“You say that now, but …” Kandace drifts off.
