Ben laughs and shakes his head. “Come on. Give me some examples.”
“That—that time you bought those expensive headphones and hid them from me.” The incident falls limply from her stiff tongue. It seems such a small thing. But it’s been a barrage of these seemingly insignificant transgressions, gathering like raindrops in a bucket, and she never noticed until the water level went over her head and she started to drown.
“Well, of course. You would’ve gotten mad.” He looks at Elijah again, his eyebrows raised like,Can you believe what you’re hearing?Elijah’s face is wide-eyed but impassive. Sarah’s glad Ben is talking to Elijah and not Caleb, because it would break her heart if Caleb were standing there, nodding.
She clears her throat. “And when you told me you’d quit smoking, and I came home and the toilet was filled with cigarette butts.”
“I told you, I have no idea how those got there.”
“And before the pandemic, there were all the times I came home, and it smelled like baby powder.”
“Oh my God, it was probably the neighbor’s perfume.”
“And the curtains were closed.”
“I don’t remember that. Are you sure you’re not mixing it up with some other nights?” He glances at Elijah. “I don’t know what she told you, but you can see it’s all in her head.”
“I know what I saw,” she says, teeth gritting.
“Well, you saw wrong. Anyway, I have some good news. I got a new job. I’m starting in a couple of weeks. I figure we can take that time to work on our relationship.”
So gracious, so reasonable. So terrifying.
“If the job works out, I can save some money and we can finally buy a place.” She’s heard that line before. “We both work from home now, so we don’t have to stay in Toronto. We could go where it’s cheaper. We could even buy a house like this. This is a great property, by the way,” he adds, turning to Elijah.
“You should see the woods out back,” Elijah says.
Ben wants to move her away from the safety of the city, to where it’s cheaper and lonelier and what few friends Sarah has left will abandon her for good. “I’m not going with you,” she says, trying to keep her voice from shaking.
Ben sighs and passes his hand over his face. When he looks up again, his eyes are red.
“I miss you, Sarah. I’m miserable without you. Come home.”
Sarah’s belly sours. He’s offering love, or what he thinks is the love she wants. He thinks she wants to be needed. To feel as special as he first claimed she was. Earlier this year, he would’ve been right. But after those long months trapped together, she sees he actually needsher, to fuck and to pay the rent and soothe his feelings and entertain him when he’s bored. Because without her attention, he’s just another angry man blustering into the void.
She bets heismiserable, and not for the reason he wants her to believe.
She shakes her head, slowly. “No.” She has to remain calm, as inscrutable as the stag on the wall. Let him think she’s small and boring. She can’t give him the drama he craves.
Color starts to stain Ben’s cheeks. He rises to his feet and stabs a finger at Elijah. “Is it because of him? Are you fucking him? Seriously, you accuse me of cheating, and you turn around and fuck this loser?”
He wants her to react so he can justify his temper. She blinks calmly. “No.”
“I think it’s time for you to go, Ben.” Elijah’s voice quavers, and Sarah feels an enormous rush of tenderness toward him. He’s standing up for her even though he’s had his share of angry men.
Ben gestures to the gauze on his neck. “I could’ve gone to the police. I could’ve told the doctors you attacked me. But I didn’t. I made up a bullshit story about the knife slipping when I was slicing a bagel. I did it for you.”
Sarah bites her tongue to keep herself from responding. No, he did it for himself. Because he’d never tell anyone his girlfriend had walked out on him so dramatically. They’d want to know why.
“It’s time,” Elijah repeats, coming around the armchair.
Ben whirls toward him. “Are you going to stop me from taking her home?”
“Maybe.”
Elijah’s face brightens for a split second before Ben drives his fist into it.
Elijah crumples into the armchair. Sarah forgets her composure and jumps up from the sofa. She digs her fingers into Ben’s arm, trying to drag him away. “Ben, stop it!” she shouts.
