‘Ah, you have to make your own luck,’ said Seán. ‘The trick is to make more good luck than you make bad luck. So make good decisions. Find the right partner. And when you find her, don’t let her go.’ He paused. ‘Hopefully you’ll find the right one soon.’
‘Hopefully.’
Bertie arrived and handed Kate a folded napkin and a glass of what looked like milk. ‘If there’s anything else you need, let me know.’ And he slipped away. Two paracetamol were inside the napkin.
‘Bit of a headache,’ she said, popping them both in her mouth and then downing the liquid in one. ‘God, that is repulsive,’ she said, with a shudder, and then smiled at him. ‘As a Libran you’d know all about balance when it comes to socialising. I bet you never overdo it?’
‘Well, I have my moments…’
‘I just like to let my hair down from time to time. Loosen up. Be free.’ She fixed him with that hypnotic gaze again. Oh God. This early? And sober?
Patrick looked around for someone he could ask for some coffee. But all he spotted was his father and Sandra, both eating in complete silence. Every time he laid eyes on his father, he felt utter rage, and so he was going to have to try to avoid him. He had to get out of the hotel and away from him for a few hours. His head was full. Boston seemed a million miles away, as though his life there wasn’t real, somehow. And then again, this life here in Ireland with Seán and his family and all those layers of sedimentary memory crumpled into each other was confusing. He didn’t know which of his lives, which of himself, was actual. He didn’t know who he was, as though he was suspended in the world, without a home or a role or an anchor.
And then there was Rosie, who couldn’t have been more anchored, living in the place where she’d grown up, living the life she’d always wanted, surrounded by family and friends. At least – and he was grateful for this small mercy – she wasn’t married to Laurence. Not that he should care and not that it was his business, but it had been a relief to know she hadn’t chosen quite so badly. He’d been trying to work out what she had meant when she asked him if he was seeing anyone. But then wasn’t it always the same, when you met up with someone you used to love, you wondered who they had loved since?
He couldn’t relax. And after breakfast, with the heat rising, he packed his swimming trunks and towel, and headed down the hill to the village, where he bought a drink and wandered into a dark and cool bookshop. He bought a copy of a collection of Irish short stories, and then a takeaway sandwich and a carrot cake from Murphy’s shop, where he asked where he could swim.
‘The Forty Foot,’ said the older woman, immediately. ‘Three minutes’ walk. Past the beach. Do you know where the beach is?’
‘I was there yesterday.’
‘Well, past it, up the little hill, past the showers and the new sauna, and go under the little arch. You can’t miss it. It’ll be busy today, though. I was there this morning. Bright and early. Before the day trippers.’ She eyed him. ‘So, where are you from? Cork, I’d say with that accent.’
‘I am indeed. Midleton.’
‘Ah, Midleton, you say. Very nice there. Good grazing land.’
He laughed suddenly. ‘It is,’ he said. ‘We had a dairy farm.’
‘Well, I could tell by the look of you that you knew the front from the tail of a cow.’
He was intrigued. ‘Really? How?’
‘Intuition,’ she said, tapping her nose and winking. ‘And there’s a twang mixed in there as well. America, am I right? Boston?’
‘You’re amazing.’ He laughed again.
‘Lucky guess.’ She laughed as well. ‘There’s a fierce amount of us in Boston. So I wouldn’t go far wrong. But you’re very welcome home. How long are you staying? Are you at the wedding up in Cliff Top?’
‘I am, my brother’s.’
‘And how is it going? Rosie was a bit worried about it. She’s not the best at delegating, I think. I knew her mam very well. Lovely woman. But at least Rosie has Grace with her and Grace is well able. Doesn’t take nonsense.’
‘From Rosie?’
‘Oh, not Rosie. Rosie isn’t nonsensical. Just from other people… who I shall not name.’ She tapped her nose again, mysteriously. ‘Anyway. I’m keeping you from your swim. Now, my advice to you is to jump in, don’t use the steps. If it’s your first time, it’s best to go for it.’ She smiled at him. ‘And congratulations, by the way.’
‘What for?’
‘Your brother getting married. We had a wedding last month. My granddaughter to the man next door. Well, the bookshop next door.’
Patrick felt oddly pleased and happy as he slung his bag with his sandwich and a bottle of water and a slice of carrot cake in over his shoulder and off he went. God, it was good to be back in Ireland.
When he arrived at the Forty Foot, he stepped over the stones and managed to find a small space by the bench where he could change. He walked to the end of the rocks which teetered over the sea, the sun making him put his arm over his eyes, as he stood for a moment, letting the sun warm his body, his shoulders slowly blistering. He felt happy, he really did. In fact, he felt excited, a kind of bubbling inside him, as though he couldn’t wait for what was going to happen next. He was even smiling, he realised. All around him, people were diving in and swimming or talking to each other, the atmosphere and noise enveloping him.
His father had always infuriated him, and probably always would, but Patrick realised that somewhere, along the way, he had stopped caring quite so much about him. He was nearly done with him. But what was wonderful was Seán and the fact that he was loved and happy, his new chapter about to begin. Being back here had done something to Patrick. He had been afraid of who he was back in Ireland, but he was feeling actually happy.
He reached out and flung himself forward, flipping his body up, head first, and flew in an arc into the sea, plunging into the water, his body turning from red-hot to gloriously ice-cold. Surfacing, he shook his hair and, for the first time in days, months, perhaps years, he felt calm. But he wasn’t sure why. All he knew what that something was right and he had that feeling where something is niggling at you and you have to dig around in your brain to try to recall it. It didn’t come to him, but right now, right here, everything was fine. He didn’t know if it was the sun or being back in Ireland or what, but he could feel himself in a state of complete relaxation.
