‘Miss Byrne would say that it’s about how you handle situations,’ said Rosie, looking carefully at the photographs, reading bits of the paper out. ‘You can panic and become hysterical or…’
‘Which we just did…’ I said. ‘You know we can never show our faces here in Schull again… We have now successfully madeourselves persona non-grata in Rosaleen’s home county…’
‘We should channel our inner Rosaleens. What would she do?’
‘Get on with it, I suppose. That’s what she did. In all my years knowing her, she never complained, never moaned. She just seemed happy, inside and out, you know? She would have handled it with aplomb.’
‘I like that word.’
‘I’ve never used it before. But it’s exactly the rightword for her. Aplomb.’
‘Well, then let’s handle this with aplomb. Whatever it means exactly.’
‘She was just a handler of things, always unfazed. A glider through life’s crises. We’re from a long line of great women, you and I,’ I said. ‘Let’s live up to our legacy.’
‘Mum, I’ve often thought that I am more a Thomas than a Fogarty,’ she said. ‘Don’t tell Dad because he’s always said I’m a Fogarty,but I’ve always felt like a Thomas, like you and Grandma… and Rosaleen.’
‘Well, perhaps you’re the best of both of us,’ I said. ‘You’re a chip off both blocks.’ She linked her arm through mine and leaned into me. ‘But maybe you are just yourself, the wonderful Rosie.’
She was quiet for a moment. ‘It makes a kind of sense, though,’ she said, thoughtfully, ‘doesn’t it?’
‘What does?’
‘Dad andLucy…’
I nodded in agreement. ‘I hate to say this, but they are perfect for each other. Much better than him and me… I hope that’s not too upsetting for you.’
‘Not really… well, it’s weird, but I’m starting to realise that in my life what’s weird is normal and what’s normal is weird.’
‘But that’s what normal is. It’s weird. There’s no such thing as normal. We tie ourselves in knots trying tobe normal when we should just accept the weird.’
‘You’re weird,’ she said.
‘I know. Have been all my life.’
‘Mum, why did you marry Dad?’ she said. ‘Did it have anything to do with losing the baby?’
‘I liked him. I still do. He’s a nice person, a good person. And I admired him being in politics, even if I didn’t always share his point of view, because he was actually trying to effect change,to do something and I liked that… and…’
‘And what?’
‘He seemed so normal…’ I laughed at how like Rosie I sounded. I too used to want an idea of normal.
‘But now he’s weird, like the rest of us.’
‘Something like that,’ I said. ‘But it was a year after I’d had the miscarriage and I thought, that he was going to be good for me. And he was. Because then I had my second chance. I had you.’
Shenodded.
‘I wish Rosaleen had been around when Jake… when Jake finished with me,’ she said, tears in her eyes now. ‘She might have helped me deal with it, you know? With her aplomb. In a way, and I don’t want to blame him, but that was what started it all off. I was kind of starting to panic at the end of last year in school, knowing that I was falling behind and all I could see was the wholeof the following year looming ahead… but then when he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore, I kind of took it as a reason, an excuse, really, not to handle things, not to carry on, to sink into myself. Not to be…’ She searched for the word. My lovely girl. I had her hand in mine, gripping it, following her words. ‘Not to be aplomby.’ Tears fell down her face.
‘I’m sure that even Rosaleenwasn’t like that all the time. None of us are perfect, but let’s not beat ourselves up, okay? Just promise me you won’t give yourself a hard time, all right? Just be nice to yourself, say nice things to yourself. Please?’
She nodded. ‘That’s what Miss Byrne says.’
‘So you’ll do it? Promise me?’
‘Promise.’
