Why did I care? How do you explain loving someone who was more brother than cousin? Who taught you how to survive when the world kept trying to kill you?
"Thomas was older than me by eight years." The words come slow. I don't talk about him. "He found me on the streets in Moscow when I was fourteen, half-frozen, half-starved. Probably days from death."
She shifts and looks up at me with those green eyes that see too much.
"He took me in. Fed me. Taught me how to fight properly instead of just throwing wild punches. Got me out of Russia when things got too hot…" I pause, swallowing. "He brought me to America , to Phoenix. To the Pakhan."
"And you've been here ever since."
"Yeah. I worked my way up, proved my loyalty and becameVor v zakoneat twenty-five. Youngest in the history of the Bratva." Pride is still there despite everything. Despite knowing it's all ashes now. "Thomas was proud. He said he always knew I'd go further than he ever did."
"What did he do? For the Pakhan?"
"Logistics, moving product and managing shipments. The boring shit that keeps criminal empires running. He wasn’t Russian, he wasn’t really even blood. His mother was best friends with mine until mine died. He was from Spain, and I think his mother came to Russia looking for work." I run my fingers through her hair, still damp from sweat and exertion. " Because of this he wasn’t allowed to get his hands too dirty, stuckdoing more mundane, admin type stuff. But he was good at it. He made the Pakhan a lot of money. Earned trust most people in his position never get. It also didn’t hurt that I was there, vouching for him, proving my value every day."
"Fa— the Pakhan trusted him enough to be around his wife."
The observation cuts. Sharp and accurate.
"Yea.” I release a deep sigh. “He earned enough trust to be around Svetlana." Her mother's name tastes strange on my tongue. Foreign. "Thomas told me once that she was sad. That living with the Pakhan was slowly killing her. She looked at him like she was drowning and he was the only thing that could save her."
"Did he love her?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Or maybe he just saw someone who needed saving and couldn't walk away." I tighten my hold on her. "Thomas was like that. Soft in ways that got people killed in our world. He couldn't ignore suffering when ignoring it was the smart play."
"Sounds like you loved him."
"He was family. The only family I had after..." I stop. Some stories don't need telling. "When the Pakhan killed him, I was there. I stood in the room watching him suffer, and he still looked at me and shook his head, telling me not to intervene. He knew it would only mean I joined him. Even in that moment he was saving me, thinking of me.” I swallow thickly.
"And you did."
"Yeah, I did." Bitterness floods my mouth, tasting like copper and regret. "I did nothing because I was a coward. Because I chose my life, my career, over family. Because I told myself Thomas wouldn’t have wanted me to die with him."
She's quiet for a long moment, but her fingers still trace patterns on my chest, writing words on my skin I can't read."And now?" she asks finally. "Now what do you choose over the Bratva?"
I tilt her face up, forcing her to look at me. "Now I choose you. Over everything. Over the Bratva. Over fifteen years of service. Over whatever future I thought I had."
"That's stupid."
"Probably."
"You'll die."
"Probably."
"I'm not worth it."
"Wrong." The word comes out harsh, forceful. "You're worth everything. Worth burning the whole fucking world down for if it means you get justice."
She searches my face, looking for lies, manipulation. For any sign I'm playing her.
"Why?" The question is barely a whisper. "Why me? Why risk everything for a girl you left to die in the desert?"
Because you should've died but refused to. Because you came back when everyone else would've run. Because seeing you walk into Lush that first night made me feel something than emptiness for the first time in a decade.
But I don't say any of that. Can't. The words stick in my throat like broken glass.
"I don't know," I lie. "Maybe I'm just tired of being the Pakhan's dog. Maybe you're as good an excuse as any to finally do what I should've done years ago."
