“Leaving was the right choice,” Calya murmured. “I’m sorry you had to do it.”
His body shook with his exhale. “Long time ago.”
She leaned back on her hands, playfulness coming back into her tone as she said, “Of course, my advice is somewhat suspect, it coming from one without a heart.”
Lowe snorted, the somberness that had overtaken him receding. He scraped up a bit of the paste he’d made, which was now an icy blue color. “Breathe out when I apply this and try to relax.”
Calya watched him, her mind a tangle of thoughts she might say in response to what he’d shared. A shadow of sadness remained in his gray eyes. His pain was still so real, and that, she could respect.
She pointed her chin at the paste. “Is it going to hurt?”
“To quote the mender who taught me this, ‘you might feel some discomfort.’”
Calya hissed through clenched teeth as the paste touched her skin. It burned, though she couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold. She gripped Lowe’s shoulder, her breaths shaky though she tried to make them as measured as she could.
“Good girl,” he murmured. “Tougher than you— No, definitely as tough as you look.”
The burning sensation lessened, taking the deep ache along with it and leaving a numbness in its wake.
“Surprised?” Calya panted.
“I’ll admit, I don’t know what to make of you,” he replied, wrapping a bandage around her abdomen.
She eyed him warily. “Meaning what?”
“Oh, you are ambitious and reckless, that’s not up for debate.” His lips quirked with a small smile. “Hard to trust a woman who goes through your shit while you sleep. Who’s borderline obsessed with her work. For a company that doesn’t deserve how much she wants it. But…”
“But?”
“I don’t understand you.” His hands stayed at her waist, gripping her gently. “But I want to.”
Goddess, but she wanted it, too. So much that it wasn’t merely unnerving but a sliver of dread at her core. A hint of terror, lurking in the emptiness where she’d banished her heart and feelings and the weaknesses that came with having such things. His words, the vulnerability he’d shared with her, plucked at the intertwined fear and desire she hid in the dark hoping they would die.
She’d wanted something to call her own. That proved her place in the world—that it was at the top. That the world needed her contribution, too. Since she was a small girl staring up at the beautiful ships her parents crafted, ships that enabled travel and commerce across all of the Empyrean Territories, Calya had known that Helm Naval was her answer. The company would be her vessel, if not literally—and what a cruel twist of fate it was to find she couldn’t stomach being on one—to achieve the belonging she craved.
“I…” The confession lodged in her throat.
It had seemed like fate. A perfect setup. Her parents had crafted the Sea Runner enchantment, and even if it was their only magical creation of note, it still endured. They built a reputation for designing and building reliable ships. Calya knew she could direct innovation to greater heights once she gained some respect in the industry. And Anadae, with her diplomatic grace and her water magic, so reminiscent of their mother in looks and abilities, they’d complement each other so well. The future was theirs.
Except, then Andrin had gone into politics, and Mina Helm had supported him. They’d traded their business for a minor position. The Transportation Board, a subset of the Council of Standards. That was it. Not bad, exactly, but her father would be just another councilmember’s name among dozens. Might as well be anonymous.
Calya could’ve weathered that. The end goal she’d envisioned, which her parents had implied was a sure thing, it was always for the company to go to her and Ana anyway. But then Ana had left, too. Chased after magic and fallen in love and made a home so far away from what their lives should’ve been. Now, Calya was the only one left who seemed to care about what the Helm name meant. Who wanted the company at all.
“I’ve wanted HNE all my life,” she said at last. “To rule it, yes, but not so I could sit behind my father’s desk. I could make it a true force in the industry. The best. I could do that, if they’d let me. If they’d listen.” She let go, just a little, of her tightly collared vulnerability as she murmured, “Andrin doesn’t deserve me, but the company does. I deserve it. I’m so close, though it should’ve been mine already.
“I want that. I’ll work for it. That’s the extent of the story.” She nodded once, though for whose benefit she couldn’t truly say.
“Is it that simple?” he asked. “You want something, and you don’t stop until you get it?”
“It is for me.” She let her hand rest lightly against his chest. “But I’ve been fighting for the company my whole life and only rewarded with meaningless titles to show for it.”
“Does that mean you’ll stop?”
“And let them win? Never.” Calya eyed him, the slightest tremor running through her fingers as she said, “Ambition that’s never borne fruit. Is that really a trait you want in a woman?”
Lowe pressed his palm against her waist, mindful of her injury. “I think you could conquer the world.”
“And yet you don’t run away,” she murmured.
