“Goddess fucking break,” Eunny muttered. She’d already had a suspicion, but Zhenya’s confirmation didn’t make her feel better for being proven right.
“Hard to say how long they’ll stay in the blooming phase since we don’t know what they are, but it won’t wait forever,” Zhenya said, worry on her face. “Sorry. I wish I had better news.”
Eunny forced a smile. “Not your fault. You’ve been a lot of help—I mean it. Thanks, Zhen.”
Leaving their friend to her research, Eunny and Ollas trudged back to the reference desk. Terryl was still there and beckoned them closer.
“Olly, there’s been some questions about a paper for your Initiate One class,” Terryl said. “Could you pop over and make sure Jiasi has what she needs?”
Eunny paused by the chair opposite the desk. “Is it the elective? Should I go help?”
“No, no, sit.” Terryl leaned closer, her voice lowering despite their relative privacy as Ollas went to the opposite end of the room. “I want to thank you, Eunny dear, for helping out my Ollas like you did. That elective is so important to him.”
“It was the least I could do. My roof fell on him.”
Terryl dismissed Eunny’s attempt at modesty with a toss of her head. “Nonsense. You don’t make buildings collapse, and you put your café on hold for his work. I won’t forget that, and Olly won’t, either.”
“It was no trouble,” Eunny said, embarrassed. “I’m happy to help. The students really do seem to love him.”
Terryl chuckled. “They do, and he loves it here. He’s been quite happy lately.”
Discomfort of an entirely different sort had Eunny blushing and stammering out, “That’s—that’s, well, y-you know…”
Terryl winked at her. “He’s always been smitten with you, dear.” Some of her mirth dimmed, replaced by sympathy. “He never felt right about how the delegation was handled, not for you or for him. Homegrown Hero. I’m glad my boy finally got some proper respect, but the way city folk were acting around here…” Terryl muttered to herself, gaze unfocused. She shook her head, attention back on Eunny. “Your coming here was a good thing. Never seen your auntie happier, aside from when she first took up with Dex.”
“Thanks.” Eunny managed a smile and stood. “I’ve got to run an errand. Idea from Zhen. Could you tell Ollas I’ll see him in class tomorrow?”
At Terryl’s bemused nod, Eunny fled. Luck was with her, and she didn’t run into Ollas on her way to the door, escaping out into the rain.
Instead of following the path back to Belle, Eunny took the side road that led down to Sylvanor Lake. The vast body of water was dark and choppy from the wind and rain, its surface a mirror for the emotions roiling beneath her skin.
Ollas had been nursing a crush on her since boyhood and had finally seen it to fruition. His mother had thanked her for it. Thanked Eunny for making her son so happy. Because Ollas liked her. Found joy in being with her, despite all the bad her presence in his life had wrought. Wanted to save her after all.
The worst part was, he had.
Eunny bit her lip, as if the pain would make the tumult in her head become sense. Ollas had picked up on the undercurrent of anger and disillusionment and sadness she carried, and, whether wittingly or not, he’d had the impulse to fix it. To make it all better.
He couldn’t soothe that which she had nurtured herself. Couldn’t simply erase the guilt she felt—at hurting him, at losing control of her magic. Being a danger. No one like that should be allowed back into the magical community. She didn’t want back into it. The bit of fun she was having with Ollas wasn’t supposed to be serious. It was just a fling. She’d always intended for him to be a casual lover. Yet, now that she had to enforce those feelings on herself, where was her conviction?
Eunny was never supposed to start caring about things again. Not deeply. When faced with the quiet revelations about Ollas and his feelings, the way he offered them to her so freely, she was filled with guilt. She didn’t deserve his goodness, not when she’d broken him.
Where was her old anger, her hate? That had always made it easy to rebuke the shreds of longing, of weakness, when they’d tried to grow larger in the past. It had kept her content whenever she looked out her café’s window to the world beyond and seen a different life than what she’d envisioned. She had buried any sense of attachment—to anything—long ago.
He’s good for you, Eunji.
She glared out at the water, waves crashing at her feet. The lake was usually a calming presence, putting her mind at ease if it couldn’t provide outright answers. Being on its shores usually made her feel better. Lighter. Eunny was neither a wind nor a water mage, but she thought she felt a ghost of the latent power around her. The crackle in the air, mist hitting her face. All of it wanted to resonate with her light.
She held her hand in front of her, palm up, and watched as raindrops pattered off her skin. It would only take a single spot of light, a mere whisper of her magic, to feel the connection with this place. To feel the Valley’s claim resonate with the sphere of magic at her core.
No. Eunny clenched her hand into a fist and dropped her arm back to her side. Magic was no good to her. Magic had shown she was not good, only dangerous. If she could slip up so badly once, what was to stop it from happening again? She couldn’t. Couldn’t reach out to it as if nothing had happened. Usually, she didn’t have trouble remembering that part.
Ollas made her forget. Almost.
But she couldn’t forget. She’d just have to remind him this was a dalliance, nothing more. Fun, yes, but ultimately meaningless. Soon enough, she’d be gone again, back to her repair café. Back to a life where she wasn’t tempted to forgive her magic.
Ollas eroded those barriers of self-control, and because of that, Eunny knew they could never last.
Chapter Eighteen
