Love is a weakness.
And I refuse to be weak.
five
BLAIR
Our new home is…underwhelming.
“This place is a shithole,” Reed grumbles under his breath.
My chest pinches, and I sigh. “Language.”
He’s right, though. This apartment looks nothing like the listing photos. The photos were bright and airy, with an updated kitchen and brand-new carpets. That’s not what we got. Our apartment has dingy, threadbare carpeting and a kitchen that was probably ugly even in the nineties.
At least it’s clean. Thank god for small mercies.
“Why don’t you pick which room you want?” I offer, hoping it’s enough to wipe the dejected look off my brother’s face. They’re the same size, and neither has an attached bathroom, so it really doesn’t matter which one I end up in.
Reed shrugs and trudges through the empty space toward the bedrooms. He wanders through both before choosing the one on the right side of the hallway.
“I’ll take this one, I guess.” His sad, dark eyes turn my way. “You sure you don’t mind?”
“No,” I say, closing the space between us and wrapping him in a hug. One I need as much as he does. Ever since we got into the car to drive here, I’ve felt like an elephant has been sitting on my chest, restricting my breathing. “I just want you to be happy.” Reed lets me hug him, but his arms don’t wrap around me in return. They twitch at his side like dying fish on a pier.
“Not sure what there is to be happy about.” He detangles himself from me and surveys the empty, outdated apartment. “When will our stuff get here?”
My car is small, so we only brought the essentials. The rest of it is in a moving truck. Remnants of our parents’ home and lives. We couldn’t bring it all with us, because this apartment is far smaller than the house we grew up in. We sold whatever we could and only kept what we’d need. And some sentimental items I couldn’t bear to part with. It was harder than I thought it would be watching strangers haul pieces of our past away. When the young couple who bought my parents’ bedroom furniture came to pick it up, I actually cried. Big, salty tears that streaked down my face and splattered my shirt.
Reed didn’t speak to me for two days after that.
Exhausted, I rub the back of my neck. “Everything is supposed to be delivered tomorrow. Do you want help setting up your air mattress?”
“No. I got it.” Reed rolls his eyes and grabs the box containing the twin-size air mattress and heads for his new room without another word. Guilt gnaws at my gut as I watch him go. When he slams the door, my shoulders slump.
I’m tired. So tired. And it’s not just from driving halfway across the country. No, this is a bone-deep exhaustion no amount of sleep will cure. Years of worry and stress are boulders compressing my spine.
My mind again wanders to Logan. How it felt to be in his arms. How the weight of him pressing down on mewas grounding, not suffocating the way the weight of my responsibilities are. I think about the way he made me feel beautiful for those few hours we shared, and how freeing it was to just be Blair. Just a woman with desires and needs, not a sister thrust into the role of mother. Just a twenty-five-year-old out having fun and living her best life. Not a woman with an anti-anxiety prescription that needs to be filled and a bank account that will quickly dwindle down to dangerous levels. My parents put a second mortgage on the house to help pay for my college, so there wasn’t as much equity in the home as I had hoped.
With a sigh, I rub my bleary eyes and will them to focus. There’s no time for a pity party. I have too much to do to get Reed ready to start at his new school and to get me ready to start my new job.
But first, I need to find my towel and toiletries and take a shower. Everything will feel easier when I’m no longer coated in sweat and grime from days of travel.
It has to.
“That’s everything,miss. Are you sure the couch is where you want it?” The shaggy-haired mover gives me a flirtatious smile. He’s probably about my age, and he’s cute enough, but I’m too drained to give him any real consideration. Sleeping on an air mattress isnotrestful.
Reed snorts and rolls his eyes before leveling me with a look that says,Is this guy for real?
Plastering a smile on my face, I nod. “It’s great. Thank you for everything. I’ll make sure I leave a glowing review.”
“Just doing our job,” Shaggy Hair says, his brown eyes twinkling as he flashes me a dimpled smile. He glances athis partner and, seeing that the older man isn’t paying any attention, moves half a step closer. “Listen, if you’re new in town, I’d be happy to show you around.”
Reed snorts again, and Shaggy Hair purses his lips. “Your son too. There’s lots of fun stuff to do around he?—”
“Son?” Reed and I say at the same time. My brother looks disgusted by the idea. Me? I’m offended. Do I really look old enough to have a thirteen-year-old?
Ouch.
