I’ve been so terrified of being left that I’ve turned into the one who always leaves.
That’s why Blair doesn’t believe me when I tell her I’m not going anywhere. That’s why she feels like she has to end things between us now. Because I’m so dead set against commitment, she’s worried I’ll do the same thing to Reed that my mom did to me. And no, I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt him the same way my mom leaving hurt me, but it would hurt. And she’s right, he’s already lost so much.
“Oh my god,” I gasp, choking on the words and a sob that’s trying to claw its way up my throat. “I’m just like her.”
One foot out the door. Unwilling to be hurt.
Unwilling to risk getting my heart broken, and therefore unwilling to even hope that someone could love me the way neither of my parents ever seemed capable of doing. Unwilling to let myself love anyone else completely.
Well, fuck that, and fuck them. They’ve taken enough from me. I won’t let them take any more.
It’s time to take a risk. If she breaks my heart, she breaks my heart. Either way, I’ll fight for hers.
As soon as I get my breathing under control, I check the roads and make a U-turn. I know she asked for time to think, but I’ve been gone for ten minutes, and that’ll have to be enough.
I know what I want.
I want her.
I want to be a family with her and Reed, if they’ll have me.
I’m in love with Blair Sherman, and I’ll be damned if I waste another ten minutes of my life where she doesn’t know.
The drive back to her apartment is agonizing. Every mile feels like ten. I need to get back to her and fix this.
Finally, I’m banging on her door, and when she opens, eyes wide and puffy, I push my way inside. She can be pissed at me, if she wants. I’ll ask for forgiveness later.
“Logan? What are you doing back here?”
Her voice is scratchy and raw, and I’m surer than ever that this isn’t really what she wants. It’s what she thinks she needs to do to protect herself.
We’re the same in that way.
Closing the door, I crowd her until her back hits it, caging her in with my arms. “No.”
Her brow furrows. “No? No what?”
“No, I don’t need time to think. No, I won’t let you break up with me. Not unless it’s what you truly want. But I don’t believe it is. No.”
Blair’s jaw clenches and she looks away.
No to that too.
I gently grip her chin and force her to look at me. “I’ve been a huge fucking idiot. I’ve spent most of my life being rejected by women. First by my mom, when she left and never looked back. Then by each stepmom that followed.”
Sucking in a deep breath, I prepare myself to admit to wounds I’ve never revealed to anyone else. “They always worked hard to make me love them. I guess they figured it would be easier to snare my dad if they proved they could be the mom they thought I needed. To be fair, I think Stepmom Number One did care about me. She at least tried to keep in touch. Sent me birthday cards and Christmas presents for the first few years. Every once in a while, Dad would let her take me out for ice cream. But then she got remarried and moved halfway across the country, and even the cards stopped.
“I don’t blame her. She’d only been married to my dad for two years. She didn’t owe me anything, but she showed up more than my own mother. The stepmoms after her all acted like they loved me, but none of them stuck around after their divorces. By the time I was twelve, most of them didn’t even bother trying to get in good with me.
“Eventually, I learned that women leave. Even the ones that say they love you and always will. It was a lesson I took to heart. Women always walk away, so I’d make sure I walked away first.”
My chest heaves, and I pause to suck in a deep breath. Blair is silent and still, her face tilted up, watching me, those stunning umber eyes of hers glassy and wide. This time, the tears aren’t because of me. They’re for me. Steeling myself, I continue.
“It’s why I made my rules. No relationships, no attachments, no overnights. When I hooked up with a woman, I’d set an alarm on my phone so I never fell asleep. If I wasn’t there when theywoke up, they couldn’t get the wrong idea. I was never going to be their meal ticket the way my dad was for his wives.
“And that worked for me for years. Until you.”
“Logan…” She looks pained, bringing a hand to rest on my chest, right over my racing heart. But I’m not done.
