I’m not so sure right now, either.
I want to crawl back into his lap and bury my face in his neck.
I also want to push him out the door, slam it in his face, curl up on the stained old carpet, and cry.
When Logan cups one side of my face with his hand, and I don’t pull away, he lets out a relieved little gust of air and leans forward. The warmth of his forehead pressing against mine makes my eyes flutter closed. The minty scent of his breath fans over my face, warm and familiar. “If you don’t want to tell the team, that’s fine. But I am.”
“No, Logan. No. This won’t work out the way you think.”
“Dammit, Blair,” he growls. “You’re making this more complicated than it needs to be.”
Every atom of my being draws in on itself.
I’m making this complicated.
And Logan doesn’tdocomplicated.
In an instant, I see exactly how this will play out. He’ll tell the team about the emails. Both to him and to me. The team will rally to his aid, and maybe mine, at first. The stalker will ramp up their attacks on me, possibly pulling Reed deeper into this mess when it’s clear vague threats won’t be enough. Logan will make a fuss, demanding they do something. And the team will realize that keeping me on the payroll is more trouble than it’s worth. They’ll find a reason to let me go, assuring me it hasnothing to do with the stalker, of course, and if I’m lucky, I’ll get some kind of severance. But probably not.
Logan will be enraged. He’ll make a scene, stand behind me, and promise to be there. But when the stress takes over, and I’m too panicked to be fun or have sex, he’ll get tired of me quickly. After all, Logan never wanted a relationship, and he only thinks he does now because it’s still early days when everything comes easily. He’ll dump me and I’ll be devastated. So will Reed.
It’s too much. All of this is too much.
Sucking in a too-shallow breath, I pull away from Logan. A calm certainty washes over me. I know what I have to do. Even if I don’t want to do it.
“I don’t think this is going to work.”
Logan rears back, his steely eyes narrowing. “What?”
“This.” I motion between us. “You’re looking for uncomplicated, and that’s never going to be me. I have too much baggage. Too many responsibilities.” I suck in a breath, pushing on when Logan opens his mouth to speak. “I care about you, Logan. A lot. But we want different things. I know how you feel about marriage and family, and I thought I could be okay with that. But I grew up watching my parents love each other, and I want what they had. I always have.
“And then there’s Reed. He’s my brother, but he’s also basically my kid. It’s not fair of me to expect you to change so fully. You told me that first night we met that you don’t do relationships, and I am very aware that you’ll never do marriage. So to expect you to commit to me and akid?” I shake my head. It almost feels too heavy to move. Everything feels heavy. Especially my heart. “I’m being selfish.”
“Blair—”
I cut him off. “I can’t risk this job. Considering that and the fact that I’ve always known this relationship has an expirationdate, this just doesn’t seem worth it. I have to take care of Reed. He comes first. Even before what I want.”
“Our relationship does not have an expiration date. I care about Reed too. I care about both of you.” Logan reaches for my hands. His grip is vise-like as he holds them, his gray eyes stormy. “I won’t let anything happen to either of you. You won’t lose your job. And even if you did, I’ll take care of you. It’s not like I can’t afford to.”
I can tell he means it, but Noah meant it the first time he told me he’d be there for me after my parents died. People always mean it when they say they’ll be there for you. But when the going gets tough, people tend to get going.
“Logan, it’s sweet that you want to help. You have no idea how much that means to me. But it’s not fair of me to expect you to change your mind about something you’ve made so crystal clear. It’s also not fair of me to keep this going, because Reed and I are going to get hurt. We both deserve someone who’s all in. Who’s committed.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but I don’t give him the chance.
“And it’s okay. I’m not saying you have to commit to us. I’m saying I care enough about you to realize that the kindest thing I can do is to be the one to end this. You deserve to have your wishes respected.
“And I have to protect my brother. Reed has already lost so much, you know? I won’t put him through losing someone important again. And if I let this continue, he’ll get even more attached to you, and it will hurt even more when he loses you. So maybe we should make sure he doesn’t have a chance to grow more attached.”
My bones practically creak from how hard Logan holds my hands. His frown is severe as he stares at me. “I am committed. To both of you.”
“I know you think you are.”
“No,” Logan growls. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to tell me what I think or what I mean.”
My heart lurches. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to do right by you and Reed.”
“And who’s doing right by you, huh?”
