There are dark circles under his hazel eyes, the line of his jaw is tight, and the muscle there tics. It brings to mind that night when Isla’s friends were making jokes about his relationships, or lack thereof. I hated seeing him like that, but this is so much worse because I put this expression on his face. This time, it’s my fault.
Rising from the couch, and with more than a little trepidation, I step in front of Griffin before he can make it to the door. My heart is a whole flock of birds trying to fly right out of my chest. He has to stop short, our chests almost touching. Only then does he lift those eyes I’ve become so intimately familiar with, and when they connect with mine, I suck in a breath.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
Griffin swallows thickly. He cants his head to the side, searching my face with a solemnity so at odds with his normal jovial nature. “Sorry for what?”
So many things.I’m sorry I didn’t react how you wanted last night. I’m sorry I didn’t chase after you and wrap my armsaround you. I’m sorry that I’m not sure about us the way you seem to be. That my stupid, scared heart keeps making me balk. I’m sorry that I’m not ready to tell Maddox and everyone else about us.
I’m just so fucking sorry.
“I… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to those girls last night. I wanted to, Griffin, I really did, but I froze because I was scared.”
He continues to study me, and I can’t stop myself from squirming under his scrutiny. “What were you scared of?”
Everything. The way I feel about you, the way you feel about me, how my brother will react…that if we say what’s happening out loud, it will somehow ruin everything we’re building here.
I clear my throat. “I didn’t want to make a scene.”
The excuse is weak, even to my ears, and I know Griffin feels the same when he shakes his head. “Some things are worth making a scene over.”
“You’re right,” I say, my hands gripping his face when he moves to turn away from me. “Please be patient with me. All of this is terrifying, Griffin. We both have so much to lose.”
It’s the wrong thing to say, but I don’t realize it until his eyes close and his shoulders slump. “Yeah, sunshine, we do. But I don’t think we mean the same thing when we say that.”
Sweat slicks my palms as my heart begins to race. “We do, babe. We do. I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend. Living with you has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and maybe I didn’t plan to marry you, but I wouldn’t change it. Well, maybe I’d change a little of it, because waking up married is a lot more complicated than being proposed to, planning a wedding, and sayingI doin front of family and friends, rather than sidelining them with the news. But being with you makes me happy. So happy.”
The words tumble out of me, panicked and wavering, but I need to fix this. I need him to know that I’m falling for him a little more each day. So maybe I’m not ready to say those three little words or tell my brother and mom that we’re married, but I’m getting there. Six months ago, when I imagined my future, Griffin wasn’t in it.
Now, he’s at the heart of every single dream.
“I’m sorry I’m not on the same page as you yet. I wish I was. Trust me, I do. But I’ll get there, Griffin. I care about you so much, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”
Hearing my panic and seeing my wide-eyed expression, Griffin sighs and rests his forehead against mine. “I can’t imagine my life without you either, sunshine.”
“I just need time,” I beg. “Please, babe. I just need time.”
“I guess I did give you six months and we’re not there yet,” he says, his voice low and gravelly. “It’s not really fair of me to change the terms.”
Latching on to his thought process, I loop my arms around his neck and pull him closer. “Right. Six months. This is all so fast, and I’m not… I’m not as brave as you are.”
“You’re braver than you give yourself credit for.”
“I don’t know about that, but thank you.” Lifting my chin, I press a soft, tentative kiss to the corner of Griffin’s lips. “I wish I had been brave enough to go after you last night.”
Griffin’s lashes flutter as I press a kiss to the other corner of his lips.
“Where…” My stomach churns, afraid of the answer to a question I have to ask. “Where were you last night?”
Strong arms wrap around my midsection, and Griffin pulls me close. “I stayed at Bash’s, baby. I drove around for half an hour, then went to his place when he called to check on me.”
My relief is tempered by the guilt over worrying, even for a moment, that Griffin might have sought comfort in another woman’s arms. “Does he know about us?”
“No. Well, sort of. He doesn’t know we’re married, but he’s perceptive. He sees how I am with you.”
“Oh. I’m glad you have him.”
The corners of Griffin’s lips twitch infinitesimally. “He’s a good friend.”
