Wrapping her in my arms, I let her cry. I hold her, stroke her hair, and whisper that it will all be okay. I vow that we’ll work this out. That I don’t blame her for freaking out. And I don’t. It hurts like hell, but I spent years being photographed with different women on my arm. I earned my reputation, and I can’t really blame Mira for thinking about it when faced with a photo that looks damning.
I’ll have to prove to her that there’s no other woman for me. She’s it.
And I know just how to do that.
“I was waiting for the perfect moment all weekend,” I murmur into her hair, dropping my right hand and reaching into my pocket. “There must have been five different times I almost did it, but then the damn warthog farted and the bird took a shit in my hair…”
Mira’s forehead crinkles with confusion as she stares up at me. Dragging the knuckles of my left hand across her cheek, I take a step back and drop to one knee.
“Then I was gonna do it after your meeting, but well, you know what happened then. And I realize this isn’t exactly the perfect moment, but maybe it’s better this way. Because I want you to know, all the way to your bones, that I choose you, even in the imperfect moments. That my love for you doesn’t require everything to go according to plan.”
Mira’s eyes are wide as she looks down at me on one knee, and when I flip open the lid of the little black box and she sees her dream ring from the jewelry store sparkling up at her, she gasps and covers her mouth with both hands. “Griffin…”
“I was waiting for the perfect moment, but if today has made me realize anything, it’s that you can’t wait to show the depth of your love. Something will always be less than perfect, but love isn’t about perfection. It’s about choice and commitment. It’s about putting someone else before yourself. And, sunshine, I’ll always try to put you first.
“You’re the most important person in my life. I have never loved anyone the way I love you, and I know we’re already married, but will you marry me again? On purpose this time. No alcohol or Elvises involved?”
Mira’s eyes flutter, tears streak her cheeks, and her hair is a tangled mess, but to me, she’s never looked more beautiful. I’m slipping the ring out of the box as she drops her hands and opens her mouth to answer me. Today was awful, but this right here makes it all worth it.
“No.”
I swear to god, the world stops spinning. My ears ring. My chest lurches. I shake my head, sure I heard her wrong.
“No?”
Devastation. It’s painted on her face in salty tears and carved into my heart in the searing sting of rejection.
Mira shakes her head, a sob leaving her lips before she repeats the word that rips my whole fucking world to shreds. “No.”
I’m still on one knee when I try to blink through the confusion. Still on one knee when Mira starts to speak through her tears.
“I realized tonight that I’ve been treating this marriage like a test or an audition. You asked me for six months to prove you’re right for me, and I agreed. I held myself back while you went out of your way to prove that you are good enough, loyal enough, dependable enough…”
Mira’s eyes flutter closed, and she wraps her arms around her middle. Like it’s taking every ounce of strength to hold herself together. My instincts scream at me to hold her, to comfort her, but I’m paralyzed. Frozen to the floor as my wife rips my heart out, one choked word at a time.
“But do you know what you never asked me?” She looks so fucking sad. “You never asked me to prove the same. You never once asked me to prove that I am good enough for you, loyal enough, dependable enough. And what I’ve realized is that I’m not. I’m not good enough for you.”
“What?” I choke on the word. “What are you talking about? Of course, you’re good enough for me. You’re perfect for me, baby.”
Mira shakes her head, little hiccuping sobs punctuating the movement.
“I’m not. I’ve been so selfish, Griffin. You deserve better than me. You’re so good. So kind and loving and selfless. You deserve someone who is all of those things too. Someone who will believe in you the way you believe in me. Someone who won’t let her stupid daddy issues cause her to believe the worst in a man who has only ever given his best.”
Standing, I tug Mira into my chest, wrapping my arms around her, the ring box still in my hand. “Baby, no. You’re not selfish. And you don’t have daddy issues. For fuck’s sake. You’re a human being who has wounds and insecurities, just like everyone else. That doesn’t mean you’re not right for me. It doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of being loved.”
“See?” she says through her tears. “You’re proving my point. You’re amazing, Griffin. You’re so good. I wish like hell things with us had started differently. But all of this came out of a drunken night. You never would have been with me if not for that. And I’m the one who pushed you to drink more and stay out later. This is my fault. All of this is my fault. Which means it’s my responsibility to fix it.”
My arms tighten around Mira. “Don’t you fucking say it. Don’t you do this.”
“I think it’s time we admit this was a mistake. I won’t be the reason you twist yourself into a pretzel. Because, let’s be real, I didn’t make you feel like you could be yourself or that who you are is good enough. You felt like you had to change your clothes, your house, your interests… You don’t deserve that. You deserve so much more.”
“You never asked me to change,” I growl. “Don’t you fucking dare use that as an excuse to pull away from me. You never asked me to do any of those things. That was because of my own insecurities.”
“Yeah, but I’m the one who made you feel insecure.”
“No. That was my best friend.” I shake my head. “No, I can’t even blame him. That’s all on me. My issues are my responsibility. And, baby, the people you love most are always the people you hurt most. It’s just a shitty fact of life. But I’m telling you right now, there is no one in this world I would rather be hurt by. I love you. So fucking much, it feels like I might burst. And I’m not letting you walk away from this, because I think youlove me the same way. We’re meant to be, baby. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is.”
“I’m not worth all of this,” she cries, burying her face in my chest, her hands fisted in my shirt. “Maybe my dad had the right idea when he walked away.”
